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Imagine an education where singing, drawing, painting, craft and drama are a regular part of school life embedded in the curriculum, where students have one teacher for their primary years, where spending time in nature and the outdoors is a regular part of instruction, where all children learn at least one foreign language from the earliest years, where play is seen as children’s work, children don’t begin formal classroom learning in literacy and numeracy until age 7 and still reach standards of excellence on later school life, and where assessment is not based on mass standardised testing but on daily teacher observation.

 

Although the education system referred to here is in Finland, it could equally describe the education offered by Glenaeon Rudolf Steiner School, Australia’s oldest Steiner school.

Finland is the country which for many years has scored highest on the PISA tests which assess Year 9 students in OECD countries, tests at which Australia does only middling well. As a country Australia has much to learn from Finland. Many of the principles of Steiner education derive from the traditions of northern Europe, traditions on which Dr Rudolf Steiner built when he developed the core principles of the first Steiner school in Germany in 1919.

Like Dr Steiner, Glenaeon Rudolf Steiner School is and always has been ahead of its time.

When the school began in 1957, its founding teacher, Sylvia Brose OAM, talked about the importance of imagination and the arts, about emotional growth, about looking for the positive in every student, about school as a community, and about building a sustainable relationship with the natural environment.

The school’s vision of education is actually a blend of the best of tradition and an innovative future. This vision stems from the classical tradition of the Greeks and their values (Goodness, Beauty, Truth), refashioned in the European Renaissance through the Humanist tradition of the balanced human being, and reformulated as an education for the future by Dr Rudolf Steiner at the beginning of the 20th century.

So what does the Glenaeon school journey look like?

Students grow through a series of developmental stages, starting in what Dr Steiner called the Kingdom of Childhood in Kindergarten. Here lie the roots of their creativity and imagination.

Glenaeon creates an environment where children can move toward learning and away from the noise around them.

The school offers a curriculum which gives children back their childhood. It heals while it teaches – offering imaginative stories, learning immersed in the creative arts and lots of playtime, all of which eases them along their natural path of development.

 

One of the biggest challenge facing teachers today, particularly in the infant and primary years, is the inability of children to sit still.

Young children now come to school flooded with images and impressions from an increasingly chaotic external environment, and teachers find it difficult to educate them as a result.

At Glenaeon, the teachers slow down the world for the children and by extension, for themselves. The children learn deeply, not by memorising yet more facts, but by developing a relationship to and interest in the world around them.

And it works.

In just a short time, teachers notice their students settle into the rhythm of their days and on to their own path of discovery.

At Glenaeon teachers work hard to honour the traditions of childhood, ensuring a joyful, nourishing and imaginatively rich foundation to life. The primary years are a time of journey in a secure relationship with the same Class Teacher, enjoying the imaginative unfolding of the human story.

In Middle and Senior School, students will be academically challenged to perform at their absolute best, their learning infused with a rich cultural aesthetic.

The 21st century is asking for new qualities in our graduates: a blend of professional rigour and creativity, imagination, emotional intelligence and a compassionate sense of what it is to be human in this increasingly digital age.

Glenaeon’s students are well educated, to start to find out who they are so that when they step into the world they will be equipped to find their own meaning and purpose, and to add something of value to the great human story.

Glenaeon is not a cookie-cutter school: it is a school producing individuals, who can think creatively, act ethically, and express themselves culturally. The task of the school is to give students a rich and nourishing environment that will inspire them to be their individual best.

For over 60 years, Glenaeon has produced individuals who think creatively, act ethically, and express themselves culturally. Their graduating high school classes consistently place in the top 12% of NSW high schools based on HSC results.

To book a discovery tour at one of their three campuses on Sydney’s lower north shore, visit their website to book a tour and find out why a Glenaeon education might be just what you’ve been looking for.

www.glenaeon.nsw.edu.au

enrolments@glenaeon.nsw.edu.au

 

Get ready for a fun year ahead with Globber!

Thanks to Globber Australia, we are giving you a chance to WIN a Globber scooter!

Founded in 2014 and with more than 20 years of expertise, Globber’s stylish and innovative scooters meet the needs, growth and experience of your child, while providing them with an entertaining and safe learning environment.

For your chance to WIN 1 x 3 Globber Australia Scooters go to our Facebook page to join on the discussion and subscribe to our e-newsletter!

There are three fantastic scooters from the Globber Australia range up for grabs:

1x EVO Comfort Scooter in Sky Blue valued at $200.00

1x Primo Fantasy Scooter in Red valued at $129.99

1x Flow 125 in Green valued at $120.00

Globber Scooter

EVO COMFORT (Ages 1+)

 

Globber Scooter

PRIMO FANTASY (Ages 3+)

Globber Scooter

FLOW 125 (Ages 6+)

This competition is open to all Offspring Magazine e-newsletter subscribers! Not subscribed? Click on the ‘Get the Newsletter’ link at the top of the page!

Also, be sure to check out the fantastic range of Globber scooters over at https://www.globber.com.au/

Tar, the founder of Phawin Kids Club, was born in Thailand and migrated to Australia in 2004. She has been working as white collar for many years and recently decided to start her own online kids products business right after her son’s turning two.

 

This business name came from her son’s middle name, meaning the greatest of all.  As a woman who loves fashion, she always gets her hand on trendy products, so as everything for her son. Like any other moms with their first and only child, she tends to spoil him just a little. Instead of dressing up for herself, now all her focus is her son’s style. She’s always looking for something unique for her son and for her friends’ kids in any special occasions.

She found there are very limited options for kids within Australia to choose from. Most of the time, they need to be ordered from overseas with the long wait of the shipping, which generally don’t arrive in time, which makes her think  why can’t we find these kind of backpacks, custom caps, Hugdoll – Seatbelt doll and custom party banner like Phawin Kids Club currently offer. Her son is basically her inspiration for this brand idea and all of the products.

For example, their personalised/custom caps; her just son loves wearing one of the caps and asks for it every time they go out. She even ordered some from overseas to use as a souvenir for his 1st birthday party. So, she was thinking why not add some fun ear pierces to show the kid’s personalities. These ear pieces are handmade in Australia and are custom made for each order.

http://www.offspringmagazine.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/OFFSPRING-KIDS-CLUB-1.png

They have waterproof backpack for active kids, so you don’t need to worry about the rain or the mess it can cause when the kids are outside on a busy day.

They come in various colours and fun styles. Children will definitely love to carry their own bags. Tar’s son loves it so much, he even carries it around the house. They can fit all that’s necessary, whether it’s a for an quick outing or taking your child to daycare.

Hugdoll, seatbelt doll – allows you adjust the seatbelt to your kid’s comfort level and accompany them for the ride.

Soft and cuddly with no fuss! It can even be used for a teenager or an adult with a small frame! Tar’s mother in law is using one herself! Tar’s son can be quite fussy in the car, he needs to be occupied during the drive so the hugdoll is a great product him, and any child who is having trouble sitting still during those long drives. He loves to hold and cuddle it, and even uses it to block the sun through the window. Sometime when he starts screaming in the car, the hugdoll comes in handy, especially when driving alone with him.

A Kids party banner is now available, custom made for any special occasion for those awesome little people.

There are various options to choose from, you can mix and match to create your style. It is very good as a gift for a newborn or any birthday party for that matter. Tar used to often order these from overseas, but then decided to make her own, here in Australia.

Every order is important to Tar, and she makes to sure to take great care. She would be very happy to help with any enquiries or any special requirements. Please don’t hesitate to contact her at phawinkc@outlook.com or phone 0433 537 466.

Tar is continuously exploring new ideas to add to the collection at Phawin Kids Club.

These are fun to make with children. To help keep the pastry firm, one trick I use is to pop soft ice packs underneath a metal baking tray. You can then cut out the rolled pastry on the tray and it will stay beautifully chilled while you and your little helper work. If you don’t have time for cutting out shapes, you can make simple chocolate rounds by using the cheat’s version of the recipe instead (see Variation).

MAKES APPROX. 20

INGREDIENTS

150g (1 cup) white spelt flour (see Tips)

110g (2⁄3 cup) wholemeal spelt flour (or wholemeal plain flour)

25g (1⁄4 cup) raw cacao powder (see Tips)

1 tsp baking powder

120g (7 tbsp) preferred brown sugar (see Tips)

200g butter, chilled, cubed (see Tips)

1 egg

2 1⁄2 tbsp jam of choice

PREPARATION

1. Place all ingredients, except jam, into a food processor or high-powered blender and process until mixture balls around the blades.

2. Transfer onto a floured work surface or a silicone mat and lightly shape into a ball. Divide dough into two portions and form each portion into discs, then wrap in plastic wrap and place into refrigerator for 1 hour to firm.

3. Preheat oven to 180°C (160°C fan). Line 2 large baking trays with baking paper and set aside.

4. Using a rolling pin, roll out each dough portion to a 4mm thickness. Using a heart-shaped cookie cutter (approx. 7cm), cut out biscuits and transfer onto prepared trays. Gather off-cuts, gently re-roll (to 4mm thickness) and cut out remaining biscuits (approx. 40 biscuits total).

5. Using a smaller heart-shaped cookie cutter (3cm), cut hearts out of half of the biscuits, so they have a heart-shaped hole in the centre.

6. Bake for about 10-12 minutes or until cooked. Biscuits will be slightly soft.Transfer onto a wire rack to cool.

7. Once completely cooled, spread ½ teaspoon of jam over each whole biscuit and sandwich together with remaining (heart-shaped hole) biscuits to serve.

TIPS

If you don’t have spelt flour or wholemeal flour on hand, you can use regular plain flour. The wholemeal adds a fibre boost to these biscuits.

If you prefer, you can use regular cocoa powder in place of the raw cacao powder. Use your preferred brown sugar in this recipe, either regular brown sugar or a less refined option such as rapadura sugar (panela) or coconut sugar. (Note that the weights of these sugars can vary, so the gram measurement will be more accurate than the cup measurement.)

Try to source organic, grass-fed butter, as it’s the more nutritious choice. You can store these biscuits in the pantry in a sealable container for up to 1 week.

The biscuit dough can be stored in the refrigerator for up to 1 week or in the freezer for up to 2 months.

VARIATION

Cheat’s version: If you’re short on time, you can bake these biscuits as jam-free rounds. Simply form each of the two dough portions into a 20cm log shape.

Place into the refrigerator for 1 hour to firm, then cut into 8mm-thick rounds and bake as per the recipe (omitting step 8).

Courtesy of Sweet Nourish by Louise Keats. 

The combination of banana and peanut butter is one of my all-time favourites. These lovely, nourishing cupcakes are a great way to use up any ripe bananas in your house. Try to source a lighter-flavoured extra virgin olive oil for a milder flavour. Alternatively, you can use coconut oil (see Tips).

MAKES 12

INGREDIENTS

Banana cupcakes

2 eggs

80g (1⁄3 cup) milk or freshly squeezed orange juice

90g (1⁄4 cup) pure maple syrup (see Tips)

120g (1⁄2 cup) extra virgin olive oil (see Tips)

170g ripe banana, mashed

60g (1⁄2 cup) almond meal (ground almonds)

200g (1 1⁄4 cups) wholemeal self-raising flour

1⁄4 tsp baking powder

1⁄2 tsp ground cinnamon

Peanut butter icing

250g cream cheese, cubed, softened

95g (1⁄3 cup) smooth peanut butter (see Tips)

1 1⁄2 tbsp pure maple syrup (see Tips)

Banana chips, for decorating (optional)

PREPARATION

Banana cupcakes

1. Preheat oven to 180°C (160°C fan). Line a 12-hole standard muffin tray with paper cases and set aside.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, milk (or orange juice), maple syrup and olive oil. Stir through mashed banana and almond meal until combined. Sift in flour (returning any sifted out husks to the bowl), baking powder and cinnamon, and stir until combined.

3. Divide mixture between paper cases. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until lightly golden and a skewer inserted into the centre of each cupcake comes out clean. Allow to cool in tin for 5 minutes, then transfer onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Peanut butter icing

4. Use an electric mixer to beat cream cheese until smooth. Add peanut butter and maple syrup, and beat until well combined and fluffy.

5. Pipe icing (using a round 1cm nozzle) or spread icing with a small spatula onto cooled cupcakes and decorate with banana chips (if using) before serving.

TIPS

If you prefer, you can replace the maple syrup in the cupcakes with brown sugar, rapadura sugar (panela) or coconut sugar. You can also replace the extra virgin olive oil with coconut oil (melted).

For the icing, you may need a fraction more or less syrup depending on the sweetness of your peanut butter. It’s preferable to use a brand of peanut butter with no added salt or sugar (or, better still, make your own). If your peanut butter does have added sugar, you might like to cut the syrup quantity by half.

To make a thinner icing, add 1–2 tablespoons of milk in step 4.

VARIATION

Nut-free cupcakes: Skip the peanut butter icing and replace the almond meal with a ground seed mix, such as a mixture of sunflower seeds, pepitas and linseeds.

Dairy-free cupcakes: Skip the peanut butter icing and use the orange juice option instead of the milk, or replace the milk with almond milk.

Courtesy of Sweet Nourish by Louise Keats.

The old saying ‘you are what you eat’ supports the idea that without the foundations of a good diet you are wasting your time and money trying to balance your health. Shannon Burford, a naturopath based in Claremont, firmly believes a correct diet, herbal medicine and nutritional balance can make an enormous impact on an individual’s health even for those dealing with allergies, asthma, Autism, ADHD, infertility or cancer.

Meeting Shannon at his clinic, aptly named Cura Integrative Medicine, you become instantly aware of the aroma from the herbs and tonics on his shelves with names and labels not found in any commercial advertisement or local pharmacy. 

Over a pot of freshly brewed herbal tea, Shannon describes his own healing journey after contracting Dysentery and Typhoid while travelling through India and Cambodia in his early 20s. Already holding a degree in Science from Curtin University, Shannon realised the impact of nutrition on his health and while he appreciated the need for antibiotics, he knew working on prevention and building his strength from good food and herbs would see him on a better path for the future. 

His impressive resume now covers a Bachelor of Multidisciplinary Science and a Bachelor in Health Science (Naturopathy), he is also a Master herbalist and nutritionist, a lecturer in nutritional medicine, naturopathic philosophy and author in a variety of health topics, including cancer and men’s health. He is also a father of two. 

“The relationship between good food and behaviour now seems so clear,” he muses. “There is a need, a real urgency to understand the impact of what we put into our bodies. I want to educate as many people as I can and fuel the growing awareness that nutrition is a huge contributor to health. 

“You have no doubt heard people say ‘wholefood, wholefood, eat more wholefood because it is healthier’, right? Why exactly? It is all about the full package. With processing comes removal of the valuable nutrients. That is why brown rice is a better choice than white rice.” 

Another turning point in his life was the birth of his son, and realising the impact toxicity, allergies and ADHD behaviours have on children. Shannon said it was then that a passion in children’s health was awakened.

Naturopathy holds the core philosophy that the body can heal itself and everyone is an individual.
We live in a polluted world and eat processed food, with processing methods drastically reducing nutritional content.

Shannon describes his experiences as a parent of a child with terrible reactive eczema determined by allergy tests as fuelled by an exhaustive list of triggers such as egg, dairy, food colouring and sugar. His son was also diagnosed with asthma and prescribed ventolin.  

He recalls the day his son, then aged two and a half, ate a brightly coloured iced donut as a special treat and the transformation that followed, which he describes as nothing short of the Incredible Hulk, as his young son began wild screaming and hurtling furniture across the floor, an episode that lasted about an hour. Once older, and able to communicate clearly, his son described the headaches and other symptoms he suffered once exposed to sugar and food colouring. 

Today, his son has none of these issues. 

” HMA (Hair Mineral Analysis) is an invaluable screening tool to assist with conditions such as anxiety, depression, ADHD and preventative health care”

Shannon says whilst his primary passion is in evidence-based nutrition, he combines this with the power of herbs lifestyle changes. He explores his patient’s health like an iceberg, depicted by the small visible peak being the symptoms, yet his work is to discover what lies beneath the surface, hidden in our diet, environment and toxicity within. 

His diagnostic process is thorough, with calls for blood, saliva, stool, allergy and hair analysis as required, as well as diet, sleep, energy and behavioural discussions and observing the eye lids, tongue and fingernails among other things, to get the full picture on a patient’s health and tailor a precise treatment plan to suit.   

Naturopathy holds the core philosophy that the body can heal itself and everyone is an individual. One size does not fit everyone! A tailored diet and certain herbs can create an optimum environment for health,” he says. 

He is a strong advocate for Hair Mineral Analysis (HMA), especially for children due to its comprehensive results without the invasiveness of a blood test. The test is simply cutting a collection of hair from the back of the head, yet it can detect an excess or deficiency of vital nutrient minerals such as calcium, selenium, zinc and iron. It can also identify over-exposure to heavy metals such as lead, mercury, arsenic or aluminium.  

“HMA is an invaluable screening tool to assist with conditions such as anxiety, depression, ADHD and preventative health care,” Shannon boasts. 

The results of the test have become quicker of late with a diagnostic laboratory now based in Perth rather than overseas. 

His HMA testing has confirmed Shannon’s belief that zinc deficiencies exists across the population of Western Australians, young, old, male and female, primarily attributed to our soils that fail to retain nutrients coupled with the growth of crops in the same soil over and over. So while foods like pumpkin and sunflower seeds, oysters, beef, wholegrains, egg yolks and seafood contain high levels of zinc, the very nature of the way those foods are grown may very well mean we still need something extra to keep our bodies balanced.  

People with zinc deficiencies demonstrate poor wound healing, prolonged infections, low appetite and kids may experience recurrent ear infections, sleep disturbance and anxiety.

“In an ideal world, we shouldn’t need a nutritional supplement or a herbal medicine mix if we were eating all living and whole foods. The reality is though, we live in a polluted world and eat processed food, with processing methods drastically reducing nutritional content. The body is also burdened with chemical preservatives and additives.” 

People with zinc deficiencies demonstrate poor wound healing, prolonged infections, low appetite and kids may experience recurrent ear infections, sleep disturbance and anxiety. Yet the physical signs may be as small as white marks on fingers nails.  

“A balance of the vital nutrients is important for optimal health and zinc is tremendously important for people of all ages, it supports a healthy immune system and the growth and development of the body during adolescence, childhood and pregnancy and is essential for men’s prostate and productive health. Lack of zinc has also been shown to have a clear link to anorexia and bulimia too. 

Get your kids eating oats for breakfast and start their day on the right foot. Shannon’s tip is to try making a pot of chamomile tea and use the tea to cook your oats. It will reduce anxiety and is good for the gut!

Shannon explains that good nutrition can also impact the severity of disorders such as ADHD and Autism in children, however he said for some parents it is hard to make the dietary changes in a society so busy and so focused on instant gratification with medications so readily available that offer noticeable and immediate behavioural modifications. He describes some parents returning to his clinic, sometimes years later, deciding to try the slower but longer lasting naturopathic and nutrition path, after becoming frustrated with the cycle of medications and behavioural management which left their child ‘under a cloud’ or ‘void of themselves’.  

Whilst it is unfortunate that the majority of people turn to Shannon after they have exhausted conventional medicine avenues, he still holds high hopes that one day preventative medicine will reach the forefront of his clientele. 

When faced with resistance or uncertainty from his exhausted and time poor patients about what their kids will eat, what they can afford or what changes they are willing to make permanently to their pantries, Shannon says it’s all about tailoring a plan for the individual. People will only make changes when they are truly ready, a small change for better health is better than no change, so slow substitution and reducing the sugar load is key. Obviously some families have reached the end of the line when they arrive at the spiral staircase which leads to Shannon’s quaint office and are willing to forgo all bad habits in search of better health. 

His best advice is to set your kids up for success by teaching them early on to make good food choices. Shannon explains eating healthy isn’t about restrictions, it’s about creating new habits. 

“The small changes you make to your child’s diet will ripple through their entire life,” he says. 

And yes, he does practice what he preaches, and so do his children. 

“I aim to eat as pure as possible, organic where I can to obtain the best quality. If the food comes from a box, I would say don’t eat it,” he says. 

“For breakfast my kids and I will eat oats with sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, almonds, psyllium husk, a sprinkle of pro-biotic and maybe some frozen berries, with soy or rice milk. 

“But I understand that kids go to birthday parties and they love cheesy pizza and pasta, my kids are like most kids, we don’t live in a cave, but we don’t eat gluten or sugar and we don’t have the bad choices available in our home. My kids have grown aware of the ingredients in products and how food makes them feel and as such they aren’t interested in the coloured cakes or the lolly bags, apart from the bubble blowers.” 

For any food that does happen to come cloaked in cardboard, he is a big advocate for label reading.  

“The most important thing on the box is the ingredients list,” he said. “Check out the details of what it contains more than the standard breakdown of fat, sugar, carbohydrates and look at the placement of the ingredients on the list. Where is the sugar? If it is listed first, it means the product contains mostly sugar.”  

For more information contact Shannon at Cura Integrative Medicine 08 9284 4644, wellness@curamedicine.com.au, www.curamedicine.com.au  

The digital age has its benefits, but it isn’t always straight-forward for the technologically-challenged, as Ari shares. 

So, here’s the thing. We have a robot. A real live one, blinking around the house. Robot – I came up with that name – doesn’t talk, but he does beep a lot and sends me messages from his, erm, screen. He’s a pretty pragmatic kind of chap, but I’m thinking that the beeping might be a way of expressing affection? Is beeping one of those five Love Languages? If it isn’t, it should be.

It’s a bit of an unexpected relationship because I wouldn’t say I’m a robot kinda gal. In fact, me and technology have issues most of the time. Okay, ALL of the time. You know those Sat Nav thingies that never shut up? They don’t work for me. Ever. I end up driving around new estates full of sand and cul-de-sacs while the voice – the goddamn non-stop voice – keeps telling me to, “take the fifth exit at the roundabout on Highway 61”. Where the heck is Highway 61? Does anyone know? Has Perth grown a big ole road that I don’t know about?  And do roundabouts actually have five exits, because I’ve never been able to count that many, even if I do circle them for hours, like a mouse on a treadmill,  slowing down at the off-roads to peer desperately at street signs. Obviously, other drivers hate me. That’s okay. In these situations, I hate myself too. It’s a bad vibe. Bring back the map book, I say.

 

Me and technology have issues most of the time. Okay, ALL of the time. You know those Sat Nav thingies that never shut up? They don’t work for me. Ever.

Look, there’s all sorts of technology that’s way too clever for me. Smart Phones that get clogged with photos I can’t work out how to transfer, iPads that follow me to bed brandishing the internet so I don’t read books, iTunes – how do I get a song off that thing? – passwords for EV-ERY-TH-ING that get routinely forgotten, those darn recorded voice messages that go on and on, asking you to press so many options that finally, exhausted, you press ‘2’ instead of ‘5’  and get cut off. It’s brain haemorrhaging stuff. Truly. It’s a wonder we’re not all dead from the stress of so much convenience.

And it goes on. Relentlessly. All these time-saving, you-beaut, shiny-buttoned advances give me brain strain. This is because I grew up in the ‘80s, that much maligned decade of Pseudo Echo and Spandau Ballet, and the best bad fashion you could ever, ever ask for. Jeez, I miss those fluro tube skirts teamed with a Wham-inspired ‘Choose Life!’ t.shirt. Could it get any better than that? I say, not. It’s been all downhill since then.

All these time-saving, you-beaut, shiny-buttoned advances give me brain strain.

The thing about the ‘80s is that it was Low Tech, in all sorts of ways, and this was AWESOME. In fact, the most technologically advanced thing about the ‘80s was the Mix Tape, and I was pretty darn good at those babies. It involved listening to the Top Ten on the radio every night, cassette player in hand, and pressing Play and Record at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME, whenever your favourite song came on. The trick was trying to cut off the stupid announcer, who always talked over the first few bars of the song. It was impossible, of course. You’d always end up with Madonna’s Holiday overlayed with a booming voice about “a provocative new talent”, while you did your best Madonna moves around the bedroom. And she was provocative, back then. Madonna  – she liked a tube skirt, too – was risky business.

… the most technologically advanced thing about the ‘80s was the Mix Tape, and I was pretty darn good at those babies.

So anyway, we all made Mix Tapes and gave them to one another, complete with ragged sound bites from random radio announcers. I was good at it. I could get down with the Mix Tape. There are people who think I peaked too early, perhaps. My husband, who sees technology as an extension of his arm, might be one of them. He gets a bit tense about the password-forgetting and photo-clogged phone, just between you and me. Never mind. We all have our peccadilloes.

Interestingly, old Robot and I have a mutually respectful relationship, and I know how to make that baby work for his food and board. He’s pretty good at picking up after the Dog –The Hair Dropper From Hell – and the Toddler – The Crumbalina – and he does it without any sighing or eye-rolling, or announcements about ‘helping’. You listening, chaps? My lovely Robot, who I might in fact love very, very much, is a vacuum cleaner. Yep, that’s right. I just place him gently on the floor and press a button and off he goes, tootling around the house sucking up stuff, as happy as a productive duck. In fact, the only time he gets a bit shirty is when he’s full of rubbish and wants to be emptied, so he can KEEP ON DOING THE HOUSEWORK. That’s when the beeping and written messages start, if you get my drift.

 

My lovely Robot, who I might in fact love very, very much, is a vacuum cleaner.

Now, this is the kind of technology I intuitively understand. I lock eyes with Robot’s screen, and we just get each other. You hearing me, all you millionaire-geek-inventor type people? Yes, you, over there, laughing at my Mix Tapes. Forget about inventing another stupid game that involves shooting birds, or whatever, we need you to invent a robot that does the laundry, puts clothes away, scrubs the loo, cleans the windows and IRONS. A spot of cooking wouldn’t go astray, either.

It’ll make you another few million bucks, and women will love you. L-O-V-E  Y-O-U. Actually, they’ll love your robot more, but they’ll still like you a lot – more than when you were doing the bird game, okay.

And, while you’re at it, if you can sort out a Sat Nav that actually works, Perth drivers would be very grateful.

-Ari Chavez