N/A – Page 5 – Offspring Magazine

Love is not Enough

By N/A September 27, 2019

In her new book Mind Kind award winning child psychologist, Dr Joanna North, advocates for a new approach to parenting that has kindness and self-compassion at its heart.

The experiences and information discussed in this piece are an edited extract from Mind Kind (Exisle , 2019) by Dr Joanne North, which you can find here.

Over many years of practice with families and my own experience of parenting, I have concluded that love is not, in fact, enough to make you a good parent. I have seen many parents, who without doubt have loved and adored their children, have their children taken out of their care by local authorities.

This is, of course, extremely sad but parents who love their children don’t necessarily help them to develop in a healthy or psychologically coherent way and may take their eye off the task sufficiently that their children are in danger or lose out and are disadvantaged. Conversely, I have met parents who have everything imaginable in their lives in terms of privilege, financial security and status, but this is not the same as offering love and good parenting, and so their children still lose out in terms of feeling secure and loved, despite all these other resources. There are many parents who have very little materially but are able to provide secure and commendable parenting to their children so that they grow up to seek advantageous opportunities.

Many parents, who…loved and adored their children, have their children taken out of their care by local authorities.

So what are the forces at work that guide parents down the right or wrong road and what are the goals we are heading for? Along with commitment, I advocate a more mindful approach to parenting. .

While I don’t want to prescribe a framework, I have put together a set of principles and concepts that I have learnt are of importance to the task. These principles and concepts could be broadly termed as leading to ‘mindful’ or ‘mind-minded’ parenting that is focused on the developing mind of the child and can be corralled under the term ‘Mind Kind’. I want parents to learn the skill of being kind to their child’s mind I intend to make it easy for you to think about these things and have developed the acronym of PATACCAKE, which describes the desirable emotional/feeling states or qualities in parents (rather than a desirable set of prescribed behaviours) that combine to make for Mind Kind parenting. PATACCAKE stands for:

Patience

Acceptance

Tolerance

Attunement

Commitment

Compassion

Awareness

Kindness

Empathy.

We can’t come up with these constructive emotions and states of mind all the time and we are going to have days when we can only just get through living in an accepting way. We all have to live with our reactive emotions and soothe them as best we can, and really, what would life be if we did not have this reactivity to deal with, and how would we teach our children? Polarity is very much part of the world in which we live. But PATACCAKE is a reminder of where we can be, what is hopeful and as an ideal to aim for when we can.

Love is not…enough to make you a good parent.

Sesame seed

I have also built the acronym SESAME SEED. The themes of ‘sesame seed parenting’ form the cornerstones of being a Mind Kind parent and offer the major clues to achieving parenting that makes your children feel good.

Secure

Secure parenting can be achieved by parents who want to know how to support children to feel stable, secure and able to cope with life. This means the child feels good from the inside because they acknowledge their emotional life, including thoughts, feelings and emotions. They will also have some sense of how to organize, manage and regulate these very real forces that flow through their lives for the rest of their lives. Thoughts and feelings affect behaviour and wellbeing, and they represent the workings of our mind. This means that by paying attention to the inner world of children as well as the outer world, parents are offering enduring skills and support through their relationship with their children.

Emotion

The neuroscientific reality is that our emotional lives deeply influence our mind, brain and wellbeing and are a force for survival and contentment rather than an annoying human tendency to be ignored.

Emotions are a communication to us about our sensory response to our environment, our experience of it and our security within that environment. Parents who are mindful of emotion will help their children experience the broad range of their emotional lives and manage these emotions as a flow of energy and information about themselves, their relationships and their environment. Emotions can range from the depths of despair to the heights of joy and we are made to travel through this range, rather than get stuck in one predominant state.

If we can help our children to understand that minds can change, and to be patient with moods and tolerate uncomfortable states of mind, we will be truly helping them to successfully survive.

Symbolic behaviour

All behaviour is a communication about life and a set of symptoms of what is going on for a child in their environment, and their thoughts and feelings about this. We have to help our children become aware of and manage their own behaviour and channel into positive outcomes the natural energetic impulses that are part of life.

Most behaviour relates to human need. Therefore, behaviour is likely to be a map of our child’s needs. If we don’t like it we shouldn’t blame them for it. Instead, we should look at why it is happening and what we can do to change that. We could remember the five basic needs; the need to belong, the need to achieve, the need for fun and enjoyment, the need for freedom and independence and the need to have a sense that we will safely survive. If parents are not fulfilling the totality of these needs, their children will act this out. We need to learn the craft of understanding emotion, thought and behaviour.

Five basic needs; the need to belong, the need to achieve, the need for fun and enjoyment, the need for freedom and independence and the need to have a sense that we will safely survive.

Adversity

Life is never going to be without challenge or change. You have to be prepared for periods of adversity and ‘mend the roof while the sun is shining’. This means that parents have a grip on the realities of life and are prepared for how to cope when children need more of their help than usual.

It is a certainty that life is going to happen to you, just as it does to every other parent around the world. The cycle of life, death and birth, growth and regrowth is just about the only reliable cycle that we can be sure of.. So it is not a case of if you will meet something difficult in your life but when. While we face up to how difficult life can be, we also face up to how resourceful we can be as humans and what we can do when the going gets tough. There are few magical solutions, but we can put in imagination and effort to finding real solutions.

Mindfulness and mental health

Mental wellbeing for children could be described as helping them to organize their minds, along with organizing your mind. You will be making that journey to recovery with your child. Your reaction and response to any condition is going to contribute to their recovery. They will need you to feel stable, informed and sure-footed. They don’t need your anxiety about them to be added into the mix. It is hard for loving and committed parents not to feel panicky about their children at times — this is only natural. We need to attend to our fears and then move forward. Parents and carers need to understand what is happening in their own mind so that they can support their children from a position of strength and security.

Errors in parenting

You will make errors in your parenting. It is not so much the error that you make but the way you put it right that will mean something to your child. So after you shout and overreact (which we have all done) try to understand the situation and talk with your child about it, explaining your reaction and setting out a new plan for a better result next time — both in you and in your child.

After you shout and overreact…try to understand the situation and talk with your child about it, explaining your reaction and setting out a new plan for a better result next time.

Sense of self and self-image

Regardless of the society we live in, image is important. Archaeology is constantly proving to us that men and women in ancient civilizations (Egypt, for example, some 4000 years ago) were just as focused on what they looked like, as well as what they felt like, spending time on artefacts for themselves and their environments, using make-up and painting their experiences in their homes and temples. It is our creative and social instincts that make us focus on how we choose to present ourselves, but there are psychological issues in play because our self-image is based on our sense of self and how we feel we are accepted within society. We expect teenagers to experiment with self-image while deciding who they are and how they want to be, and we may be surprised at who they want to be.

Eating and self-worth

Ultimately you and your children will become what you eat. You have to decide whether you want to feel like a sugar-coated dough monster or a vibrant vegetable or fruit creature. Or maybe somewhere in between. It is almost certain that you will feel like what you eat and that you will eat in a way that is complementary to how you feel. Food as a source of emotion and love our relationship with food as a metaphor for our relationship with ourselves.

Empathy

Empathy is a tool for understanding your children. Empathy might be the nearest substance to magic fairy dust that we humans have. You will have to decide by practice what you think. Empathic responses, rather than immediate reactions, will tell children that you are at least trying to understand them and willing to work with them. Every child and human needs empathy, from when they are the tiniest one hour-old newborn. It is the base for your parenting and love for your children.

Development

Childhood is a journey rather than a destination and children are always travelling in themselves as they grow and develop. It is probably one of the most miraculous things to watch as your children grow, but it is also quite subtle, and some parents find this threatening and don’t want their children to explore new pathways of being themselves as their minds develop. It can be confusing as children change dramatically in their outlook and behaviours or it can be a joyful dance to celebrate life — and in reality will probably be a mixture of both. It helps to inform yourself of some of the expected milestones of development so that you can at least have a map of the journey that is being taken and be prepared.

The most important thing we can be to our children (or anybody else’s children) is kind. The term ‘mind-minded parenting’ tells us to think of the child’s mind as we watch them grow. Always try to think about their developing mind and their developing sense of themselves. Minds grow best in positive emotional environments where children feel understood. If there is one idea to take away it is that whether your children are being really naughty or really perfect, whether they are very settled or quite disturbed, at all times they need your attention and your kind attention to the detail of their lives.

You have to learn to be kind to their developing mind — Mind Kind — and to do this you are also going to have to learn to be kinder to yourself. You cannot give to your children what you have not got inside. This includes the principles of sesame seed thinking combined with qualities of that lovely childhood nursery rhyme PATACCAKE. We can bring PATACCAKE qualities to mind any time we choose. Instead of coming at a child with frustration and rage we could stop to think PATACCAKE. Without these innate universally positive qualities flowing in the environment of your child’s life they will not thrive and — in my view — nor will humankind.

This is an edited extract from Mind Kind (Exisle , 2019) by Dr Joanne North, available form www.exislepubishing.com and wherever good books are sold. RRP $32.99

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DEVELOPMENT

Secure Children

By N/A September 27, 2019

Parents start to become anxious if their children do not conform to social norms because parents instinctively know that a child’s social survival is very important.

We might be ‘buying’ security for a child by getting the latest and trendiest object available, from designer labels to smartphones, in order to keep them within their social grouping. Then we start to abide by trends — we’re taught, and have it impressed upon us, that our children must have enough exercise, they must not watch too much TV, we must spend time with them, we must not let them eat the wrong thing, we must not let them watch the wrong thing, we must watch for health alerts and so on. Some of these demands are real in certain measure, but are they the real goals of parenting a child or are they just small stops on the way to something much bigger?

My conclusion is that they are secondary goals and that we are not paying enough attention to the primary goals of childhood. The outcome is that parents are very anxious about getting their child the ‘right thing’ rather than attending to the ‘right state of mind’. Are you the kind of parent who gets everything for your child and yet feels dismayed when they still do not appear to be happy? What truly makes children feel secure from the inside out? Once you have that information you can decide for yourself where you think your parenting might need to develop or where you might need to get help if necessary. You will, of course, continue to help your child conform to social norms and trends, but you will do this from a more secure position knowing that you have attended to the real priorities. You will have more choice about the other things and so will your children.

Psychological security

The thing that children want to feel most in life is that their parents feel secure and safe when they are with them and that this feeling then transfers to them. This is called a ‘felt sense’ and is also known as psychological security. With a felt sense of security, a child will have a pervasive feeling that their world is going to be held together and managed, in a fashion that keeps them safe and well, and that they can get on with the task of exploring life and relationships. This is what your children really want from you. So many of the children I have met in mental health services are mildly to moderately troubled because they feel they have had no psychological anchor onto which they can hold during their episode of difficulty.

The psychological capabilities of children who live with a felt sense of security might include the following:

They will feel that the world is a good enough place to be

Children show us that they feel safe when they can explore their environment and get on with learning. This overriding sense that it’s good to be alive is the richest of human resources, and it is a great achievement if we can raise children who wake each morning with the felt sense that today will be a great day because there are people on whom they can rely.

Children show us that they feel safe when they can explore their environment and get on with learning.

They will be able to distinguish positive from negative

Children who have a felt sense of security will feel safe enough to comment on their world and evaluate it in a realistic way. They will be able to evaluate their parents’ state of mind as well as comment on their own, and will be able to say things like ‘My dad’s not very good at mending the car so he couldn’t fix it and we were late for school’, and express frustration and disappointment about this. At the same time, the same child would be able to look at what their father gets right — ‘He helps me with my homework.’ They will be able to comment, ‘Mum is a bit upset today; that makes me feel sad too, but she says she will feel better soon.’

This kind of emotional literacy relating to good and bad gives a child a way to describe their experience and help others understand them. The child feels that their conversation is worthy of attention and they will bother to make a narrative about life because life is full of good and bad things that are interesting.

Children being emotional is to be expected and respected.

They will label and express emotions

Essentially, our emotions help us to understand where we are inside ourselves and there are plenty of reasons why we should not ignore these communications. Children being emotional is to be expected and respected, and is worthy of our attention. A child being emotional is as natural as a puppy biting your hand, because that is instinctive — the puppy is not being naughty, it is just behaving instinctively.

They will feel accepted

A sense of acceptance is big currency in life. A sense of acceptance and belonging in our primary family of care (or adopted or substitute family or care group) is the deepest gift on offer in this lifetime and nothing can replace the sense of wellbeing or contentment that this will give to children.

They will have a coherent self

Coherence is an important word when we are thinking about the care of children. You don’t have to be perfect as a parent, but you do have to try to be as coherent and as organised, functional and meaningful in your behaviours as you can be. The more children have the sense that their small emerging mind and self has the support and attention they need, the more they will enjoy being alive with an inherent sense that all chaos can be restored.

They will be alert to information about relationships

Secure children feel a sense of conviction that it matters to notice others and what they might be thinking, and, like anything to which we give our attention, the more we give our focus to it the more we are likely to become an expert at it. The more adept we are at reading social cues through reading people’s faces and body language, the more we are likely to get social cues correct and respond in the right way.

They will be angry and frustrated at times but will be able to manage this and rely on you

If you are available to deal with your child’s issues as they arise, it is highly likely that by the time they are adults they will have absorbed the tendency to deal with issues more effectively, having received all of your help.

They will be angry and frustrated at times.

In conclusion

Children are primed and programmed to demand more and more from us and you might need help to identify the organic needs of the child that must be met if they are to feel secure from the inside. It is safe to say no to a child if they ask for the latest thing that they feel they need, but it is not safe to take your eye off their need for you to protect them and prioritise their care. As we have seen, secure kids express emotions, talk about negative as well as positive experiences and feel they have the right to comment on their lives. They will have problems and they will bring you those problems if they are secure. There is no way out of having problems in life when you are a child. Your real hope lies in a thoughtful parent who is sensitive to what is worrying you, who takes your issues seriously and realises that what you really need is them and their mind working for you.

Finally

» What your child really needs is you and your attention. There is nothing on this planet you can buy that will replace that.

» Emotions are beautiful aspects of our humanity that keep us informed about the state of our children and ourselves.

» If you put effort into anything, put it into helping your child feel loved, safe and accepted.

» Help your child resolve negative emotions. It is a fantastic way to care for their mental health and make them feel secure. It could be said to be the first building block of good mental health.

» Take note of how important the quality of the relationship is with your child. This is demonstrated by being there for them to deal with the small issues they face on a daily basis.

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REVIEW

Winter 2019 Book Review

By N/A September 13, 2019

10 MINUTES BEFORE BED SERIES

Age: 18 months +

Author: Rhiannon Fielding

Illustrator: Chris Chatterton

Three beautifully illustrated stories follow the enchanting adventures of three adorable protagonists – Splash the Mermaid, Twinkle the Unicorn, Belch the Monster – which will have little ones drift off into a peaceful slumber!

FURFINS: TINYTAIL AND THE LOST TREASURE

Age: 3 years +

Author: Alison Ritchie

Illustrator: Aless Baylis

Dive into this charming underwater adventure and explore a magical kingdom filled with Furfins and other friendly sea creatures, in the first series of collectable, glittery picture books.

ELLA AND THE OCEAN

Age: 4 years +

Author: Lian Tanner

Illustrator: Jonathan Bentley

Join Ella as she helps her farming family find joy in life’s simplicities with a family adventure to the ocean as they are struggling from the drought. Upon returning home from the ocean, life doesn’t seem quite so hard: the land, while still dry, is a beautiful colour, and the birds are singing!

NINJA KID 4

Age: 7 years +

Author: Anh Do

Illustrator: Jeremy Ley

Nelson is every child’s nerd-to-ninja hero! As he auditions for the circus, Nelson will need to use all of his ninja skills to pull off his greatest escape act yet!

PROMISE

Age: 12 years +

Author: Alexandra Alt

Follow teenage lovers Lene and Ludwig as they navigate the complexities of love and war. As Ludwig is recruited onto the Easter Front by Nazi Germany, Lene moves to Hanover and the couple becomes estranged, that is, until Lene returns to Germany years later on a quest to find out what happened to her lost love.

THE ART OF SELF-KINDNESS

Age: Adult

Author: Rebecca Ray

Reconnect with yourself in an age where social media causes you to lose sight of what is important in life. This book will guide you as you face the world with courage, grace and heart.

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DEVELOPMENT

Is punishing our children fostering dishonesty?

By N/A August 29, 2019

Is punishing our children fostering dishonesty? 8 steps to get your kids to tell the truth.

Written by Belinda Johnston

When my seven year old daughter asked me if it was more important to be nice or to tell the truth, my initial thought was, “What has she done?”

I assumed she had been up to mischief and was battling with her conscience on whether or not to confess.

I should have immediately advised her to tell the truth – as honesty is a valued quality worth instilling in our children – but I needed to ensure I wasn’t diminishing the importance of kindness either.

My response?

I told her both were equally important but she needed to ensure no-one would be hurt if she chose to be nice.

I gave her time to process my response which sealed the fate of her ‘secret’ and she promptly decided to confess.

It turns out, she and her sister had each won a lollipop (disguised as a dress ring) at the local game arcade their dad took them to.

The girls kept the secret from their dad, knowing that ingesting any form of sugar in our household required a formal verbal request and a prior good behaviour record.

Her older sister had persuaded her to keep it secret so they could enjoy the treat.

Not wanting to disappoint her older sister, she had reluctantly agreed.

Now however, her conscience had got the better of her and she wanted to come clean.

Never punish a child for being honest

If a child volunteers information with the knowledge it may get them ‘in trouble’, make a point of thanking them for being truthful.

Children need to know it is safe to do so.

In addition, no matter how serious the act, make a deliberate effort to remain calm.

Did I punish my daughter for revealing the truth?

No. I believe this would have only taught her to keep the truth under wraps in future.

She had specifically asked I not tell her older sister how I came to find out about the lollipops.

This in itself was an important lesson for me as a parent.

It reminded me of the value of trust between parent and child.

For a child to be honest, first they must trust you

To encourage honesty in our little ones, we must first build trust.

Not only do they need to know they can trust that you will not expose them for being honest (I certainly didn’t let on to her older sibling that she had been ratted out), but they must believe they will not be reprimanded or punished for the act they are confessing.

Here was my middle child, not only willingly confessing to this act, but knowing it might possibly upset her sister (whom she adored and looked up to).

She trusted me to not flip out or storm into bedrooms demanding the lollipops be handed over.

They must believe they will not be reprimanded or punished for the act they are confessing.

After using the excuse of finding the sugar during a bedroom clean-up, I explained to both the girls that what they did was sneaky, but if they promised not to have the lollipop right before meals or after brushing their teeth, then they could keep them.

The proviso was that they would need to be honest in the future.

Was I too lenient?

Should I have confiscated the lollipops?

Probably, and I assure you, the ‘old’ me would have, but I’ve realised that I no longer desire dominance over my children.

Instead, my aim is to guide them to make better choices in the future.

Guide children to make better choices

Our role as adults should be to gently guide our children in their choices allowing opportunities for wrong ones to be made and learnt from.

Guidance can be given at any time.

Talk to your child when:

A situation presents itself and must be dealt with at meal times
Travelling (in the car or on a bus or train)
You notice they don’t seem themselves (they appear sad, quiet or angry) at bedtimes

Why Lie?

Let’s all think back to a time when we were children.

What was the utmost reason for lying?

To avoid being punished, right?

Punishment creates fear and although corporal punishment was much more widely accepted when I was a child, I’m not entirely sure as to whether it created an era of better behaved children or just better liars.

Children want to explore, get up to mischief and make mistakes – it is how they learn.

A study in 2011 by Researchers Victoria Talwar and Kang Lee showed that 3-4 year olds in a disciplinary school had a remarkably higher incidence of lying than those in non-punitive environments.

The study further showed that the group of children who lied more were able to maintain their deception when asked follow up questions, more so than the group who had a lower incidence of lying – proving that not only does punishment foster dishonesty, but it forces us to become better at it.

Talwar and Lee’s research also falls in line with another study conducted at the University of Montenegro and documented in The Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences in September 2014.

It states that:

Punishment doesn’t teach children how to do something properly, on the contrary-they learn how to avoid punishment in the future. Read more

Not only does punishment foster dishonesty, but it forces us to become better at it.

Children are fast learners and regardless of the act they are involved in, the focus should be in guiding children to make the right choices and aiding them in solving difficult situations without the need to lie.

These ‘situations’ should be seen as learning opportunities – to discuss how the child may have handled it better.

If I don’t punish my child, how will they learn right from wrong?

The answer lies in recognising the difference between natural consequence and punishment.

Natural or logical consequence is the outcome directly related to an ill choice made by the child.

Here is how a scenario would play out.

A child is playing inside the house with a ball after being asked to take it outside and subsequently breaks a vase.

The adult would need to explain to the child how the choice to continue playing indoors resulted in the vase breaking.

They would further explain that the child is now responsible for the break and will therefore be expected to use his own money to pay for the replacement of the vase.

What if the child is too young to have his/her own money?

Perhaps the child can complete a household chore to earn the money needed to replace the vase.

It’s a win-win situation.

Not only does the child learn valuable lessons such as responsibility, respect for property and the value of money, but the adult has an extra helping hand about the house.

The natural or logical consequence is the outcome that follows their choice.

It must be related to the act itself.

As adults, we may feel it is our duty to prevent children making wrong choices.

But it is the natural consequences that follow those choices, which teach the child right from wrong, not the punishment later handed down to them.

It is the natural consequences that follow those choices, which teach the child right from wrong

For further information on Natural Consequences, visit the North American Montessori Teacher Training Blog.

So what happened in my own situation?

My daughter was thanked for her honesty and the incident taught her a valuable lesson:

Honesty is welcomed, appreciated and rewarded with trust and understanding.

It’s a give and take.

My children are still children, and they still push the boundaries (that’s their job, right?).

They are not lacking in manners, respect for elders or any other ‘old-fashioned’ values.

On the contrary, they are very quick to fess up to any wrong doings, even when at risk of consequence.

I now look forward to each new challenge as it provides an opportunity to discuss the situation and guide my children into making better choices.

Take Action: 8 Steps to encourage honesty

1. Get down to the child’s level and ensure you have the child’s full attention (away from distractions).

2. Thank the child and let him know you are proud he came to you.

3. Encourage the child to tell the truth, use phrases like, “You’re not in trouble”, “I promise to listen and stay calm”. It is important to let the child know what they can expect from you.

4. Allow the child to tell his story without interruption. For multiple children involved, take turns.

5. Remain calm (do not yell at the child). Remember, they are still learning right from wrong.

6. Encourage empathy for others involved: “How do you think that made your friend feel?”

7. Tell stories of your own childhood, what lessons you learnt and how you dealt with similar situations – kids forget that adults were once children too.

8. Acknowledge any positive choices made and offer suggestions on how the situation could have been handled better.

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DEVELOPMENT

What does Family mean to you?

By N/A August 16, 2019

When you think of family, what comes to mind?

Do you think of your parents? Your own children? Siblings or cousins?

Family can mean blood ties, but it can also be the people that you choose, something that you build, and can be defined in terms of the people you love and who you know will love you no matter what.

When people think of family they don’t usually think of foster care.

But children and young people in foster care can be in the most desperate need of love and acceptance – the things we usually find in our families.

Children enter foster care through no fault of their own, simply because their birth family is unable to look after them.

In NSW there are over 20,000 children and young people in need of care, but fewer than 13,500 households are authorised to provide it.

Stretch-A-Family is a Sydney-based foster care agency that’s always looking for new foster carers to keep up with this need.

They provide full training and ongoing support to all their foster carers.

“Biology doesn’t really come to mind when I think of family”

“Biology doesn’t really come to mind when I think of family”, says Paula*, a foster carer with Stretch-A-Family.

She cares for her 5-year-old biological daughter, Emma*, and 18-month-old foster son, Will*.

“I asked my daughter what family means to her and she said being kind to each other and loving each other,” says Paula.

“Emma has loved Will ever since she laid eyes on him. They play and laugh together and have their own way of communicating. She tells everyone that he’s her brother.”

Some people worry they could not love a child that was not their own, but the experience of countless foster carers shows that it is love that makes a family.

Some people worry that they would get ‘too attached’ to be able foster but, paradoxically, that is exactly what children in foster care need!

They need to learn how to attach, they need that connection, they need to know they are loved and accepted.

For an adult, knowing that a child may only be in your care for a while can be scary, but imagine being a child and not knowing if anybody loves you?

Foster care is about doing the best thing by the child – loving them – no matter how long they are in your care.

“What I love about being a foster carer is knowing that I’m making a difference in Will’s life”

“It’s also shaped my and Emma’s perspectives in a positive way. She’s learnt that not all kids have stable homes and has built an understanding of the world outside herself.”

Could you broaden your definition of family wide enough to open your heart and home to a vulnerable child?

There are different kinds of foster care, and there is a type to fit in with your lifestyle and household commitments.

Some children stay in foster care for only a few weeks until extended family can be located to take care of them.

Some children stay in foster care until they are 18 and become independent.

And some children in foster care can be adopted by their carers to become legally part of a new family.

Stretch-A-Family is happy to help you think through what the best option would be for you and your family.

If you have a spare room, and the willingness to help, their team would love to hear from you!

Find out more today, or give Stretch-A-Family a call during office hours on 9569 6933

*Names & picture have been changed to protect privacy

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MUMPRENEURS

Top 7 influencers to follow in Victoria

By N/A August 15, 2019

Meet the Aussie mums making a career on social media.

Increasingly, new mums take to social media as a creative outlet while adjusting to motherhood, with some building up enough of a following to turn it into a career.

Marketers and brands know that in 2019 audiences are after authenticity, so they flock to these mums who are open and honest about their journey through motherhood – the good, the bad and the ‘insta-worthy’.

These Influencer mums do a lot more than just post cute photos of their kids; they are content creators and successful businesswomen, who share advice on pregnancy, style, health, travel and fitness. They have created a community of mums who can relate to their struggles and learn from their tips and sometimes just share in a laugh.

Here we’ve collected some of our favourite Victorian Influencers to follow for your daily dose of motherhood, fashion and travel and lifestyle inspiration.

1. @flatoutmum

After having four boys in five years (including identical twins!), Olivia Anderson saw a gap in the market for a twin feeding pillow. Busy Mums need an extra pair of hands, so the Twincredible was born. From there, arose a website and social media for twin families and the natural evolution was Olivia sharing more of her life, tips and products she loves to a wider audience.

This platform allowed Olivia to share more of her busy life with four young boys, but also her love of flat shoes. Always showing a real and honest take on motherhood (not just the highlight reel) with the mission to empower, inform and celebrate #Mumlife

Olivia prefers to encourage Mums to look after themselves as much as they do their children. She introduced the first Retreat designed specifically for Mothers back in 2016 and now they have extended from Melbourne to Bali, where her third sold-out international Retreat is about to be held.

Visit Olivia’s websites at www.flatoutmum.com.au, www.twincredible.com.au, www.flatoutmumretreats.com.au

2. @bambiandbaby_

Elizabeth Anile, like many 20-something-year-old women, had a pretty straightforward plan for her life. First came the career, then love, a home and a family. She got all of these things; an accomplished journalist at 25, she got the man, the fairytale-style proposal, and ultimately the pitter patter of tiny feet.

At 26, Elizabeth’s life was torn apart. A young woman who barely a year before hadn’t even thought about motherhood suddenly found herself alone with a new baby. A former career woman was, overnight, a full time single mum.

Despite the curve balls life has thrown, Elizabeth’s positivity shines through her writing and her love is personified in her beautiful, happy, bubbly baby boy.

“I guess what I want to get out there is the message that you’re not alone,” she says. And her most important message? ‘Its not a bad thing being a single mum, it’s empowering and a blessing’.

You’ll find Elizabeth’s blog at www.bambiandbaby.com

3. @mama.duck.said

Ange Cowan is a Ballarat mum sharing her mum life stories in a light hearted way.

It took her two years to get pregnant with her first child as she has endometriosis and also polycystic ovaries.

She then went on to have three kids under three, and tries to share her high and lowlights so other mums don’t always feel so alone.

Ange wants all mums to feel supported and to know that we are all going through struggles (some just hide it better than others).

Ange also loves to share her favourite parenting jokes and quotes along with some of her favourite products helping her get through motherhood (including wine).

4. @houseofharvee

Krystal Giardina always wanted to be a mum. She always wanted to be a Disney Princess too, but she knows you can’t have everything.

Turns out, being a sleep-deprived, clean freak, pasta eating mother of three, led her to social media where she began to share images of her home. Now, only a short few years later, while pregnant with her third child she appeared from behind the camera and is now a familiar face.

Juggling motherhood, owning a business, wife, blogger, Influencer and cleaner (someone’s got to do it), Krystal shares her life and family through her platform and her positive, encouraging, yet REAL attitude to life and parenting resonates with mothers everywhere.

Krystal is mother to Vienna, Harlow and Baby boy, Avery, wife to Aldo, body image and self-love advocate and long-time Grey’s Anatomy fan.

Krystal hopes to continue to share her love of style, interiors and motherhood journey with her followers for as long as they want to follow along.

You can also find Krystal at houseofharvee.com

5. @amypapadatos_

Determined, aspirational, resilient and ambitious – she is Amy Papadatos. Above all else, she is a wife, a mother and a successful business owner.

With a love for adventure, travel, fashion and a keen eye for detail, Amy is courageous in the pursuit of what sets her soul on fire. A goal getter and a trend setter, Amy is a dynamic woman who beautifully shares her experiences of the world around her one Instagram square at a time.

It is impossible to ignore her happy-go-lucky personality that shines through her pictures – lusting over her locations and outfits each and every time.

6. @justamelbournemama

Amanda Morley (@justamelbournemama) started her Instagram page towards the end of 2017 as a means to share snaps of her unborn son, Hudson.

Already a mama to a teenage girl, having a baby again was exciting and Amanda couldn’t wait to share this new journey through her page.

Showcasing her newfound love for baby boy fashion, with Hudson as her muse and at-home baby model, Amanda’s page began to grow. At just three months old, Hudson made his first career move from modelling for his mama to modelling in campaigns.

In a twist of awesomeness, Amanda also learnt that she was three months pregnant and Hudson was soon to be a big brother – both Hudson and Easton shared the exact due date a year apart!

Amanda and Tinashe (@justamelbournedad) quickly learned the term Irish twins…and yes they have their hands full!

At 11 months and 3 weeks between them, Easton has joined Hudson in his modelling career. Life in Melbourne is definitely busier, but lattes, brunches and Melbourne events are still on the menu for this family.

7. @real_mumma

Adele Barbaro is the ‘mumpreneur’ and blogger behind The Real Mumma, where she shares an honest and raw insight into motherhood.

In 2018 Adele started MAMA Wine Co. Adele wanted to take the confusion out of the hundreds of wines on offer with a range that has been developed, tried and tested by everyday mamas.

“One day I was hosting a dinner party and the men were talking about the wine pairing well with the dinner and commenting about its complexity and legs. I turned to my friend and said, I wonder if there is a wine that pairs well with all my washing? And then and there, the cheeky Mama Wine Co. began,” Adele shares.

MAMA is 100 per cent Australia made and comes from only the best vineyards, sourced after countless trips to find the perfect drop for having a cheeky little giggle at motherhood.

The all new ‘It’s Me Time’ Moscato and the ‘Pairs Well With Bad TV’ Pinot Noir is available for a limited time only from www.mamawineco.com

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MUMPRENEURS

Top 7 influencers to follow in NSW & QLD

By N/A August 14, 2019

Meet the Aussie mums making a career on social media.

Increasingly, new mums take to social media as a creative outlet while adjusting to motherhood, with some building up enough of a following to turn it into a career.

Here we’ve collected some of our favourite NSW and Queensland Influencers to follow for your daily dose of motherhood, fashion and travel and lifestyle inspiration.

1. @mumpacktravel

In 2016 solo mum Evie Farrell and her daughter Emmie left Australia with a backpack and a dream of spending time together. For more than two and a half years they travelled through Asia, living a completely different life to what they had at home and learning about the world beyond the suburbs. “I was working full time and trying to work out how to spend more time with Emmie,” said Evie. “As soon as I realised it was cheaper for us to travel than stay at home I started packing up.”

It was the best decision she could have made.

“This trip changed us,” said Evie. “We know each other so well now, we’ve spent so much precious time together and we have the most incredible memories.”

Evie and Emmie have been in Sydney for the past six months while they finished their book, Backyard to Backpack, all about their adventures. It’s available for preorder and is in-store from 5 August.

You can find Evie on Instagram at @mumpacktravel and at www.mumpacktravel.com

2. @theconniediaries

Connie, an entrepreneur, mother, step mother and wife living on the Central Coast NSW is passionate about the simple things in life and raising her boys simply in their coastal home town.

Connie and her family travel often in their renovated vintage caravan seeing many beautiful parts of our country. When they’re not traveling, you’ll find them having slow days around home crafting, gardening, cooking or you’ll catch them outdoors by the beach, 4×4 driving or taking a hike.

Between traveling and slow days, Connie manages her travel blog and a popular online business @thetimbatrendandfolk where her husband and herself hand make a variety of shelves for around the home.

3. @allherflowers

Elle Rampling is a photographer and mother to three girls; Audrey, Harriet and Magnolia. A recent sea change has seen Elle and her family move from an area surrounded by horses and paddocks in rural Australia to a sweet old cottage in a sleepy beach town on the Mid North Coast of NSW.

Elle is a lifestyle photographer, specialising in capturing families, but it is her sun drenched portraits of her daughters that captured the hearts of many and has seen her Instagram page, @allherflowers, grow in popularity.

Whether roaming in paddocks with their ponies or frolicking by the sea, Elle loves to capture her daughters as they explore their environment. The girls can often be found dressed in adorable matching outfits, a love Elle says she inherited from her mother, as her and her siblings always had matching outfits growing up.

4. @amothers.love

Jess Stevens is a mother of five from the Gold Coast in Queensland. Jess became a first time mother at the age of just 16 and knew shortly after that she wanted to have a big family one day. Fast forward 18 years and Jess has had her 5th and final baby, giving her 3 beautiful daughters and 2 sons.

Jess is also a Social Media and Lifestyle Influencer on Instagram where you can find them sharing snaps of their everyday life, items and brands they love. Jess and her children have a new love for travelling which has opened the doors to some amazing opportunities. Jess has only recently launched her blog where she shares with her valued followers her family friendly travels in more depth. Watch her space for an amazing adventure coming up in October.

When Jess isn’t changing nappies, shooting content for brands or managing her socials, she likes to shop online, watch Netflix and look for that next adventure to go on with her children.

5. @bybrittanynoonan

Brittany Noonan is a mum, wife, fitness trainer and motherhood blogger from The Gold Coast, Australia.

You’ll never find anything less than her real self on her socials and blog. Brittany openly shares her struggles and low times through her mental health battles and her everyday motherhood struggles but she also shares her happiness and the things that give her joy and peace.

Brittany’s dream is that through sharing this real, unedited version of herself and her passion and knowledge for fitness and wellness, that she can inspire and help women everywhere to accept and embrace themselves and live a life they love.

Brittany is forever on a mission to find the balance between being a busy business owner, fitness lover, mother, friend and of course herself and just wants to share her experiences and to help you find that balance too.

6. @storyandco

Joanne Zammit is an educator, content creator and fashion lover who is obsessed with guiding others to find their purpose and live a life of gratitude.

Jo has an interesting story. Whether it was struggling with an unknown chronic illness for 20 years, losing her mother very suddenly the day she found out she was pregnant with her now eldest son, having degrees in marketing and primary education or being voted one of Google’s top 20 educators across Australia and New Zealand. Joanne’s goal is to help and inspire others whilst documenting her story for her children, from their mother’s perspective and as a legacy for her late mother.

Story and Co is a collection of stories, education, age old wisdom, curated interiors & fashion which Jo has learnt from her late mother, her journey as a mama and experience as a teacher- all with a healthy dose of gratitude.

Jo lives on acreage in Sydney with her Husband Adam and three children, Hunter, Archie and Evie.

7. @theorganisedhousewife

Katrina Springer is the ‘Organising and Checklist Queen’, and she is also the woman behind The Organised Housewife, one of Australia’s most popular parenting blogs.

Created nearly a decade ago, The Organised Housewife has grown into a one-stop-shop for a daily dose of domestic advice that makes life simpler, tidier, and less chaotic. Kat’s passion and skill in helping other mums create an organised home resonates deeply with her audience, which explains why nearly a million people tune in to her blog each month.

As a mother of three, Kat credits her accomplishments as an award-winning blogger, author, and celebrity ambassador to her children. Her honest and authentic approach has touched the hearts and homes of mums across the country.

This year Kat has released her first cookbook, taken home the 2019 Gold Coast Women of the Year People’s Choice Award, and been appointed Celebrity Ambassador for the Give Me 5 For Kids Campaign.

You can follow Kat on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest.

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MUMPRENEURS

Top 7 influencers to follow in WA

By N/A August 14, 2019

Meet the Western Australian mums making a career on social media.

In recent years we’ve seen the explosion of a brand new profession – social media influencing. Increasingly, new mums take to social media as a creative outlet while adjusting to motherhood, with some building up enough of a following to turn it into a career.

Marketers and brands know that in 2019 audiences are after authenticity, so they flock to these mum’s who are open and honest about their journey through motherhood – the good, the bad and the ‘insta-worthy’.

These influencer mums do a lot more than just post cute photos of their babies; they are content creators, authors, businesswomen and give advice on pregnancy, style, health and fitness. They have created a community of mums who can relate to their struggles and learn from their tips and sometimes just share in a laugh.

Here we’ve collected our favourite influencers to follow for your daily dose of motherhood, fashion and travel and lifestyle inspiration.

1. @ourmessynest

Emma Fletcher is local to Perth, Western Australia and has an interest in sharing local activities for adults and children. With a keen interest in local events, travel, cooking, beauty, animal conservation and supporting charity organisations, Our Messy Nest is a true lifestyle account.

Having recently started her own blog, you’ll find a mix of all these as well as personal pieces both on @ourmessynest and www.ourmessynest.com.au. Staying true to the motivation behind her social media presence, Emma’s five year old son Reed is a constant source of inspiration.

Sharing life as a mother, student, blogger and friend is central to the content shared on these platforms. Emma’s passion for photography has allowed her to connect with other parents to share the ups and downs of parenting, tips on travelling with kids as well as special milestones in her life.

2. @common_wild

Landscape Architect Paula Kuka, began drawing illustrations depicting her experience of motherhood while on maternity leave with her second child. What started as a personal project and an alternative to a traditional baby book, quickly gained popularity as other mums loved seeing their own personal experiences mirrored in these relatable, touching and hilarious cartoons.

Paula’s cartoons have resonated with parents, highlighting the fact that it’s not only the humorous parenting moments but also the intensely emotional and frustrating facets of parenthood that appear to be universal. The main goal of the project has evolved over time as she realised the power the images could have in transforming someone’s challenging day. Using humour, honesty, and vulnerability, the drawings let other mums know they aren’t alone. Paula hopes that the project continues to cheer up exhausted parents and provoke conversations about guilt and the pressure mothers feel.

Paula lives in Perth with her Journalist husband, 4-year-old son and 1-year old daughter and is currently working on publishing a book of her illustrations.

You can buy Paula’s illustrations at www.commonwild.com.au

Casey Lucas of Lucas Girls Love is a happy wife & mother of two young girls, currently saying yes to new adventures and living the little things!

With a career in fashion and styling spanning over 15 years, Casey enjoys the creative outlet of Instagram influencing, while she raises her beautiful daughters. Well known for their ‘twinning’ and Mummy & Me outfits, the Lucas Girls have worked with iconic fashion labels such a Auguste the Label, Infamous Swim, Unreal Fur and Lack of Colour to name a few.

Casey feels that life can be crazy enough and not always sunshine and rainbows, so insists on keeping her Instagram positive and ‘light & fluffy’ so that her posts continue to put a smile on her followers faces.

4. @sugarplumtree_mama

Nicole is a 38 year old influencer blessed with 3 beautiful daughters. Currently her main occupation is juggling #mumlife and social media, however she also has a Bachelor of Science (Molecular Genetics) and worked as a Medical Scientist for 13 years.

When her eldest daughter was 6 months old Nicole opened a children’s clothing company, Sugar Plum Tree, which quickly became very popular. Fans went crazy for the bespoke applique pinafores Nicole designed and sewed herself. However after a stressful, yet rewarding 8 years, and the arrival of her 3rd little sugarplum, Nicole decided it was time to move on.

With a love and passion for all things creative, she found a new love in product styling and photography, and for the past two years has shared these passions online, where you can see snippets of her life as a Mum to three girls, find out about fun Perth events and things to do, follow their regular travels, and learn about some awesome new products they love and recommend.

You can follow Nicole on Instagram and read her blog.

5. @storiesofamum

Since starting in 2015 as a platform for sharing memories of her firstborn daughter Sophie, Stories of a Mum has blossomed into a social media brand built around beautiful photography, small business promotion and storytelling.

Stories of a Mum is an avenue in which to document the good, bad and downright testing days of motherhood as Laura shares her very open and raw journey as a Navy Wife and mother of two little girls. Laura uses her Instagram page to connect with other mothers while drinking wine and eating pizza in her Kmart leggings. If you love honest captions, photos of family home decor, Mum & kid fashion, local Perth child friendly cafes and travel then @Storiesofamum is the account for you.

6. @_emma.gibb

Emma Gibb is a Perth influencer with substance. Just like her insta profile portrays, Emma is a wife, mama and manifester. Happily married with two gorgeous boys, Emma wins more in a month than most people win in a lifetime.

We love Emma’s relatable, funny and down to Earth portrayal of motherhood. We also find her honesty around her mental health struggles inspiring; and love how passionate she is about urging women to get help.

Emma loves working in the Perth CBD as a Commercial Property Manager for a top tier agency but when the corporate work day is over and her boys are tucked lovingly in bed, Emma is getting in that side hustle on Insta.

Not only does Emma create content for top brands like Dyson or HelloFresh, she gives intuitive card readings as @thatgypsymum and promotes her successful online crystal store, thatgypsyshop.com

Image credit: @dealuna.photography

7. @house.of.cubs

Isabel is a Perth blogger and content creator. She is a wife and mother of two boys, Christian, two, and Ethan 6 months. Her husband, Steve, works FIFO. Isabel lived in Spain until her early teens. She has a degree in commerce and a postgraduate degree in corporate governance and gave up her corporate job to have a family. When Christian was 6 months old, she started her Instagram page for fun and in the process discovered her creative passion. She has never looked back.

@house.of.cubs is a collection of photography and stories about their family life. It showcases motherhood, the joys and challenges of raising a young family as well as curated interiors, fashion, products for mums and kids, and her family’s love of the beach, adventure and travelling.

Isabel has recently finished styling Christian’s big boy room. A space where he can play, explore, learn and get lost in imagination! #kidsroominspiration.

Isabel’s family are soon on a 5 week adventure to Europe where she will continue to share the joys and craziness of motherhood whilst travelling with a young family.

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HEALTH

The benefits of meditation for families

By N/A August 14, 2019

Have you been hearing people ‘stress’ the benefits of meditation to you? Here’s why.

A growing amount of Australian parents are looking to meditation to alleviate stress, whilst research is praising its effects on the behaviour and educational performance of children.

Meditation helps with memory. Studies have shown that consistent meditation can slow the aging process of the brain.

For mums, multitasking is a way of life. Meditation aids focus by reducing
worrying and restless thoughts.

Many Australian mums struggle with overwhelming stress and anxiety, regular meditation decreases the volume in the area of the brain that governs fear, anxiety and stress.

It makes you happier. A study done on Buddhist monks found that while they were meditating the part of their brain that controls happiness (the prefrontal cortex) was extra active.

Heart disease is the leading killer of Australian women and having high blood pressure during pregnancy can lead to a range of complications. There is increasing research that suggests meditation assists with lowering blood pressure.

HOW CAN MEDITATION BENEFIT CHILDREN?

Pre-school Aged Children: Meditation grows the place in the brain that affects self-regulation. It helps children manage their impulses. You can try and use meditation methods in your pre-school aged children before and after Time Out.

Primary Aged Children: Schools are increasingly trialling ‘short meditation breaks’ and some are even replacing detention with meditation. Over in the US, a Baltimore school has seen an increase in attendance and a reduction of suspensions after introducing mandatory meditation rather than detention for poorly behaved students.

High School aged children: Meditation can
increase student’s performance in school, help with mental health conditions which are increasingly prevalent among high-school aged
children such as ADHD, depression and anxiety.

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MUMPRENEURS

Become Offspring’s next cover girl!

By N/A August 14, 2019

Are you a ‘mumpreneur’ running your own business? Do you know a deserving mum whose business needs that extra push?

Offspring began from one mum’s entrepreneurial idea.

To celebrate Offspring’s special 10th anniversary edition, we want to reward another Australian Mumpreneur with a $50,000 advertising package.

WHAT YOU CAN WIN

Be an Offspring cover girl! A cover editorial feature on your ‘MUMPRENEUR’ story.
$50,000 advertising package to celebrate our 10th ANNIVERSARY Special Edition
Your business featured across Offspring’s Sydney, Melbourne and Perth hard copy and digital editions, reaching an audience of more than 300,000 Australians per issue.
A full page display advertisement and editorial feature plus online promotion in our newsletter and website.
Professional photo shoot to celebrate you and help you promote your business!!