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LIFESTYLE / Dec ‘2018

All the Single Lady Mums

LIFESTYLE / DEC ‘2018

All the Single Lady Mums

Online dating is a contemporary hook-up option for singles, which many now consider as an alternative to traditional methods, and perhaps a new fandangle approach they have yet to try.

There is literally a whole entire universe that comprises single status people (national industry reports suggesting 4.5 million annually) covertly co-existing beneath the radars of those not looking for love, and it seems to be thriving.

Words LISA O'ROURKE

The year 1995 marked the official launch of the World Wide Web, followed shortly after by the registration of familiar dating sites such as eHarmony and RSVP. Social media and mobile phone technology evolved dating site capabilities further. Now there are even sites that match daters to the best dating site.

With over 680,000 single mothers with dependents in Australia, the online dating service industry is a lucrative business.

Choice offers useful, comprehensive and current comparative data on popular sites and their suitability against criteria of personal demographic, cost and privacy.

They also provide advice on how to stay physically safe and financially protect against scammers preying on lonely hearts.

Dating and romance scams account for over 30 per cent of total financial losses reported to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (A.C.C.C.) as arising from scams activity.

The A.C.C.C. reports less than two per cent of online dating sites provided specific information about the costs of their service before becoming a member. They are also aware of instances of online operators that have created and operated their own profiles.

Following a voluntary 18 year dating hiatus to focus on raising her two daughters, 44 year old single mother, Angela, was ready to find her Prince CharmingChar.

Meeting in a public place for first dates felt awkward, surreal and unnatural, “like the world had gone backwards,” Angela says.

“My first date was with a guy that shall be known as the green Kermit. Initially there were a lot of texts followed by a bar, a dinner, and then on the third date a ‘come home with me’ and demands of sex. Let it be known, it is quite the online expectation by the third date!

“Kermit immediately ceased contact following my refusal and, although this bruised my ego, I realised I had dodged bullet. Then much wiser, I asked for complete honesty at the onset, with “Red wine over White Linen Shirt Man” kindly complying by saying he didn’t feel anything after our first date.”

Angela recognises that her online dating journey pulled her out of her comfort zone to overcome her social anxieties.

However, she has grown tired of excusing the poor behaviour of those preying on her emotional vulnerabilities.

Regardless of her negative experiences, Angela acknowledges, “There are definitely people having positive experiences, and those with already active social lives investing in this alternative phenomenon with a different lens.”

“It can be a tool for people to connect, if they feel isolated or alone and provide opportunities for human connection they may otherwise not have had,” says Angela wisely.

“Your experience really will depend on what you are looking for,” explains recently separated 44 year old mother of three, Rebecca.

Rebecca, married at 18, is far more interested in finding herself than a companion, and so “plays” the Tinder game with her new-found freedom and the energy her recent single status has afforded.

“There was no instruction manual to start online dating, but you soon learn,” says Rebecca who spends about an hour a day flicking through profiles.

“When you are my age, where do you go to meet a decent guy? Yachting? Golf? Only the youngies go to the pub and they always hunt in packs,”

Rebecca muses.

Rebecca’s first experience was with Frenchy who, after eight weeks, still comes over Mondays during his lunch break in an Uber.

He coached Rebecca, telling her of a few items to prepare for his arrival and not to worry about the “small talk”.

“I have needed to learn a new language. The guys all talk in acronyms and sometimes I need to guess what they mean!” excites Rebecca.

Rebecca has also trialled the geo-mapping option offered by Tinder, her online dating service of choice. This option notifies her if someone who is also registered with Tinder is in close proximity to her.

“Online dating is liberating because if someone doesn’t fit my schedule I move on.

“It’s good for me now because I am busy with other things and don’t have time for a relationship,” reflects Rebecca, who is enjoying a whole new world with new experiences.

Rebecca elects not to pay for any additional services or match making data to improve her hook-up outcomes. Without spending a cent, all she need do is “swipe right” if she “likes”.

Fifty-something–year-old Samantha is disgusted by one of her closest friends, who also uses Tinder and other sites to meet men.

“I don’t want any part of it and have told her to stop sending me photos of her Tinder date’s genitals, alongside face shots. That’s just ugly,” she says.

“I feel quite offended and even prudish (which I never thought I would say), violated by some of the things she has shown me.”

Online dating does benefit everyone overall, according to Relationships Australia’s recent research, especially those who are lonely or isolated.

Online dating is the second most preferred way to meet a new partner. The single status online universe has lost its stigma and is out in the open. While true love may not necessarily prevail, online hook-ups are happening all the time, everywhere you look, even if don’t want to see.