While moving may be inevitable, its toll on the family can be minimised with a few conscious steps.
According to Peter Martin’s Census 2016, on average, an Australian family will move interstate once every five years. Whether it be looking for a better job, escaping a broken relationship, wanting a bigger pool, or hating the land lord, regional migration is frequent in Australia. This means, Australians are on the go. But to what cost?
Every year, half a million Australians move interstate, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. From 2018 – 2019, this meant 404,000 people moved from one regional state to another. That’s more than four MCG stadiums at capacity.
The reality of moving, particularly from one state to another, is unstable. Although moving could well seem like the most financially and socially viable option, our children don’t often have a say in these decisions. The mental cost of moving from one place to another is taxing on our kids.
Three happy kids laughing.
Depending on how frequently a family moves, children can find it much harder to nurture high quality relationships and foster a sense of belonging. This can be threatening to a child’s sense of identity down the line.
This is perhaps because the ages from 10 to 18 are formative years both for the body (i.e. undergoing puberty), socially (i.e. developing social skills in a school setting), and academically (i.e. figuring out our interests, strengths, and passions at school). Moving, whether it be experiencing the change yourself or having a close friend leave you, can be tremendously character building because of the strain it puts on the need to adapt to a new setting.
A group of teenagers sitting by the water.
Minimising its impacts
Easier said than done. As parents, being aware of the challenges our kids can face is a step in the right direction. The impacts of moving go hand in hand with the reasons for moving. For instance, moving to find a better job for one parent can mean losing a job for the other. Divorce is also another major reason for families deciding a change of scenery is best for everyone. The effects of moving paired with the stressful reasons prompting it, are always sensed by those that have the least say in it.
Flexibility when it comes to adjusting to children’s emotions, changes in interests, and attempts to adapt to new social circles is crucial to minimising a sense of instability.
A father carrying his young toddler.
This could mean:
Keeping them informed. Letting children know exactly why you’re moving and how long you’re expecting to stay is important to making them feel involved and part of the team. This also shows sensitivity to the risk of a child feeling unheard.
Being more opento technology. Something most parents haven’t experienced growing up is the diverse way technology can be used to maintain long distant relationships. Facetime and Skype are not the only ways of maintaining a long-distance friendship. Increasingly, collaborative activities such as video games are used to keep in touch through a fun, and shared interest. Although too much screen time is something to be avoided, stigma around their use should be minimalised.
Getting involved.Encouraging children to participate in community initiatives such as local sporting teams, volunteering organizations, and attending seasonal activities such as summer camps, are great way for both parents and children to get to know their new surroundings. Whether or not they prefer their new home, getting involved is an important step towards mitigating mental strains associated with moving.
Making a new home feel like home. The sooner you unpack your boxes and put all your treasures out on display, the more comfortable and established children feel. Makes sense: home is where the family is… and all your stuff!
No matter what the reasons for moving are, choosing to minimise its effects is achievable and crucial to maintaining our children’s happiness, as well as our own.
When Australia was dark and blackened from the recent bushfire tragedy, the spark of community empathy and human goodness sought to lighten it.
All of Australia seemed to halt this summer when devastating bushfires swept across the East Coast, razing towns and houses to the ground, devastating native Australian wildlife populations and causing unimaginable heartache for families who lost loved ones.
There was little celebration in the air on the eve of the new decade; the sky filled with smoke where there should be fireworks and sirens sounded instead of countdowns. Bushfires that started in September 2019 continued blazing with gusto across New South Wales and Queensland, with no sign of abating.
In the wake of such devastation, victims were left with little optimism and hope. However, strangers from around the globe were eager to pick up the slack and provide hope for them. Instead of locking their homes, bunkering down and thanking God it wasn’t them, people far and wide rallied to help those suffering.
Neighbours and strangers alike travelled to fire-stricken areas to help rebuild and serve in relief efforts. Contributions were diverse; some doled out water bottles and words of encouragement whilst others offered their own homes for those without accommodation.
One such person was university student, Erin Riley. Riley initially offered up the paddocks behind her home in southwest of Sydney to those without a place to stay which eventually evolved to forming the organisation FindABed, connecting those without accommodation to people ready to provide it. According toThe Guardian, more than 3000 people volunteered lodgings for displaced victims within the span of four days.
Harrowing images of koalas with singed fur and gruesome injuries were accompanied by photographs of locals scouring the burnt woodlands to search for injured wildlife, tales of temporary adoption and emergency veterinary relief.
The federal government estimates over 6000 registered charities are operating in the affected regions, ranging from food providers, emergency wildlife care and disaster relief.
Those who could not physically help, gave money generously. The many charities and volunteers operating in the area were supplemented by financial efforts, with the sheer amount of money donated to bushfire relief funds dwarfing other campaigns of the season.
More than $200 million has been donated to relief funds, according to the Australia Financial Review(as of 10th January 2020), excluding the $150 million raised by the Red Cross Disaster Relieffunds. Donations were not limited to spare change, with corporations, philanthropists and celebrities all pitching in to help.
In a highly impressive and record-breaking Facebook campaign, Australian comedian, Celeste Barber, raised$51 millionto support fire-fighting companies.
From the few million donated by the likes of Commonwealth Bank and Chris Hemsworth, to the $20 I contributed, a huge number of people across varied socio-economic brackets have sought to alleviate some of the pain the country has endured.
The true heroes of the cause, however, were the volunteer firefighters. Displaying vast amounts of bravery, giving up family time and risking their own lives, in attempts to contain the fires, with no abject benefit to themselves or selfish motivation, fire fighters showed true heroic spirit.
Former captain and current lieutenant of Stoneville Volunteer Bush Fire Brigadeand victim of the 2014 Western Australian bushfires, Greg Jones, knows exactly the sort of selfless courage demonstrated, reiterating not only the community driven motivation, but the inexplicable guilt firefighters often feel from the devastation.
“Most [volunteer fire-fighters] just want to serve their community, as a positive thing they can do,” Greg said.
“We’re used to fire. Once you’ve done your training and have been to a few events, you become comfortable with it. You get used to standing in the fuel and feel what’s normal.
“You become very clinical about it. You haven’t got time to be emotional. Save the ones you can save but you can’t protect everything. That’s a big problem for firefighters, they feel they failed because they couldn’t save everything. Standing on the side of the road watching homes burn, standing next to a fire truck that’s run out of water. Although they’ve achieved a lot, they didn’t save everything.
“When you see human life and the millions of animals we’ve just lost, that has an impact too. It’s never good, there is never a time you don’t feel guilty for what you couldn’t save.”
When asked if he had witnessed acts of kindness and empathy in the aftermath of bushfire tragedy, Greg did not have to think for long.
“Countless examples. Countless. People bond together and in times of trouble like that, the community comes together. You’ll also see the worst in some people, but overwhelmingly you’ll experience the best in humankind.”
“There are people out there scamming donations, but also those donations themselves have been in the millions. People from all walks of life do whatever they can to help, whether they’re baking scones, raffling chooks or putting on a concert. It’s something unique about Australia I think,” said Greg.
These efforts, ranging from the massive to the minor, have been done selflessly, generously and all smack of a fundamentally human trait – empathy.
Whether it manifests stronger during adversity or simply shines brighter against such a dark back drop is unknown, but empathy appears to be a B-side to tragedy.
Amidst the deep wounds caused by a mass scaled disaster is the salve of human compassion and community. Empathy and hope are foundational human traits that bely the idea that, despite our many flaws we are an innately good species.
In an increasingly connected world, we find ourselves inundated with scenes of tragedy and disaster. The media is constantly providing a new dose of human suffering to insight our malaise over.
Does this over-saturation cause us to distance ourselves and become apathetic?
Sometimes, yes.
However, as soon as a real human face, story and plight is brought to the forefront of a disaster our empathy comes rushing back in. The recent Australian bushfire tragedy exemplifies this marvellously. Although an outpouring of support has come from across the world, the ones closest to those affected seem to feel it a bit deeper.
Proximity is a key cornerstone of empathy and Australians at home and internationally seem to have removed all barriers of difference and bonded together to help in any way they can.
In a studyof the social media outcry following the Boston bombingsfrom 2013, Professor Yu-Ru Lin noted stronger feelings of solidarity, sympathy and pain had a direct correlation to those who had a personal relationship with the city; whether it be they lived there, knew someone from there, or through social media.
This strongly suggests that through globalisation, a more connected world is a more empathetic one.
If local community empathy and kindness serve as a balm to horrific incidents, surely a more globalised, connected world-wide community has the power to brighten even the darkest of times.
Sue and husband Lee, from Melbourne, have been foster carers with MacKillop Family Services for two and a half years. They talk about their experience and the benefits of being foster carers, and how it has enriched life for their family and the community.
Between them, Sue and Lee have five children of their own, and friends thought they were taking on too much when they said that they were going to be foster carers, but Sue says the family has benefited so much from the experience.
Sharing their home with kids in foster care has enriched life for everyone in this family.
“It’s not about what you give, it’s all about what you get back”, insists foster carer Sue McLaughlin.
Sue and husband Lee, from Melbourne, have been foster carers with MacKillop Family Services for two and a half years, providing a safe and nurturing home for babies and toddlers.
Between them, Sue and Lee have five children of their own, and friends thought they were taking on too much when they said that they were going to be foster carers, but Sue says the family has benefited so much from the experience,
“With four teenagers and one nine-year-old, foster care is a team effort with everyone pitching in and helping with the babies. Our kids have learned a great deal from opening their home to other children,
“They absolutely love having the babies to stay. It’s been such a positive experience for us and it’s taught the kids a lot about the wider world. We share age appropriate information with them about each little one that arrives, they understand that sometimes people need support and that’s why we are caring for the babies.”
“With four teenagers and one nine-year-old, foster care is a team effort with everyone pitching in and helping with the babies. Our kids have learned a great deal from opening their home to other children”
Sue and Lee sat down and discussed how foster care works with their children before starting foster care training and she believes it has been hugely educational for them,
“Our kids are an enormous help to me and the babies just love it when they come from school as their big brothers and sisters are there to play. Some days I say to them, ‘Guys, I couldn’t have done this without you today.’ They just want to keep them all forever, but we talk about how we have the babies for a short time and it’s our job to keep them safe and as happy as possible in that time.”
Over the last two years, Sue and Lee have looked after two young children since they were six weeks and eighteen months old as well as providing emergency and respite care for other babies and toddlers when needed.
Sue’s kids have also become advocates for foster care among their friends and at their schools,
“They see the babies as their brothers or sisters but are also quick to tell people that we are a foster family. They are happy to explain to some of their friends who have not had any experience of foster care what it is all about and why there is a need. I am so proud that they are growing into compassionate people who have empathy for others and understand that people can experience difficult times in their lives.”
Sue’s kids have also become advocates for foster care among their friends and at their schools.
Children need homes for all sorts of reasons, sometimes it is respite care to give parents a break, sometimes parents are ill or in hospital and unable to look after their children. There are also situations where children may have been abused or neglected because the children are in a domestic and family violence situation.
Foster carers can be single, retired, studying or working and can rent or own their own homes. There are also many types of foster care. Care can be for a weekend, a few weeks, a few months or even years. Foster carers can choose the type of care that suits them.
MacKillop Family Services provides practical support to carers to support them to support the child. Intensive and ongoing training provides carers with a specific insight into caring for children who have experienced trauma. MacKillop also operates an after-hours service so carers can call for support 24 hours a day.
Babies, children and young people need all sorts of different homes, so if foster care is something that could work for you or your family, contact MacKillop Family Services who will help you work through the steps to become an accredited foster carer.
