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You don’t have to be Australia’s best chef to make baby food at home. In fact, it is quite simple and the advantages are endless. By being homemade, bub will be eating foods free from preservatives and harmful chemicals. It also sets up your children with a love for healthy eating right from the start, making them appreciate fresh, wholesome food.

TOOLS AND APPLIANCES

The tools needed to make baby food are staples already lying around the kitchen. Not many are needed – minimal equipment will still make delicious food.

Blender or food processor

 Options like the Chicco 4-1 baby blender or Cherub Baby steamer blender are good options if looking to purchase. Otherwise, any blender that makes smoothies or purees food will work. If the blender is older, add an extra dash of liquid to make food a smooth consistency. 

Ice cube trays

 If the ice-cubes are calling these home already, check the local op shop to stock up on trays for an inexpensive price.

Steamer basket or insert

 This is needed to steam the food for purees. Steamer inserts can fit more produce but both will get the job done.

 Other tools include:

  • Baking sheet
  • Saucepans
  • Peelers
  • Spatulas
  • Knives
  • Freezer bags
  • Storage containers

COOKING TIPS

Main cooking techniques include steaming, roasting, baking or microwaving until food becomes tender. To preserve the nutrients from fruit and vegetables, opt for steaming not boiling and if ripe, they don’t need to be cooked at all.

Once cooled, transfer to a food processor of choice and blend for one to two minutes. Slowly add water, breastmilk or formula to reach a desired consistency – which ultimately should glide off the spoon.

Enhance taste and your baby’s palette by adding herbs and spices like sea salt, ginger, cinnamon and rosemary.

 STORAGE

Food will need to be kept in airtight containers, freezer bags or ice cube trays. Before transferring to the fridge or freezer, allow food to cool. Ice cube storage allows flavour combinations to be created as the small dosages of food can be mixed and matched.

The storage timeline for baby food is up to four days in the fridge, two months in the freezer for purees with meat and beans and up to three months in the freezer for fruit purees.

Labelling containers with the date and what is inside will allow for no confusion when choosing baby’s next meal.

RECIPES

Recipes from Babyfoode.com

Apple and coconut milk baby puree

Age: 4 months +

Ingredients:

  • 6 apples – peeled, cored and chopped
  • ½ cup canned full-fat coconut milk
  • ¼ tsp cloves

 Method:

  1. Put the apples, coconut milk and cloves in a medium saucepan and cover. Heat over medium heat for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally or until apples can be cut in half with a spoon. Let cool slightly.
  2. Transfer all ingredients into blender and puree until smooth.

Broccoli and olive oil puree

Age: 4 months +

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups broccoli – chopped into small florets
  • 1 small potato or apple – peeled and chopped
  • 1 tbsp of olive oil

 Method:

  1. In a medium saucepan, bring 2 inches of water to boil over medium heat.
  2. Place broccoli and potato (or apple) into a steamer basket and place over boiling water. Cover and steam for 10-12 minutes or until tender. Let cool slightly.
  3. Add the broccoli, potato (or apple) and olive oil into a blender and puree until smooth, adding water from the steamer in ¼ increments if needed.

Mango and Vanilla puree

Age: 4 months +

Ingredients:

  • 1 bag frozen mango
  • ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract or a pinch of fresh vanilla bean seeds

 Method:

  1. Put frozen mango and vanilla extract/bean into a small saucepan and heat over medium-low heat. Stir often until heated all the way through and tender roughly 3-4 minutes. Let cool slightly.
  2. Transfer into a blender. If mango mixture gets an excess of liquid while cooking, strain mangos and reserve liquid into a bowl.
  3. Blend on high for 1 minute or until the puree is smooth.

Choosing healthy and tasty options for your kid’s lunchboxes is often more difficult than it sounds. Find some inspiration in these three recipes!

CHICKPEA SWEETCORN BURGER PATTIES.
Recipe makes 5 patties.

Ingredients:

  • 1 peeled sweet potato cut into chunks, then steamed
  • 200g (1 cup) fresh (or well-drained) corn kernels OR 1 cup frozen kernels, thawed
  • 250g (1.5 cups) cooked or tinned chickpeas, rinsed and
    drained well
  • 2tbs olive or rice bran oil
  • 1 peeled white onion, finely diced
  • 1 peeled and crushed garlic clove
  • 3tbs millet or quinoa flakes
  • 3tbs washed parsley, finely chopped
  • 1/2tsp ground cumin
  • 1/2tsp paprika
  • 1/4tsp ground turmeric
  • 1tsp salt or to taste
  • 1/2tsp ground black pepper
  • 2tbs ground flaxseeds + 6tbs water

 

Method:

1. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees C and line a baking tray with baking paper.

2. Place the cooked sweet potato in a food processor with the well-drained and dried corn and chickpeas.

3. Blend until the mixture is smooth – with some chunky bits left for texture – and well combined. Keep in the food processor.

4. Heat some of the oil in a saucepan and sauté the onions and garlic for a few minutes until the onions are translucent.

5. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly, then add the onions and garlic to the chickpea mixture and pulse briefly in the food processor.

6. Transfer the mixture to a large bowl, add the millet/quinoa flakes, parsley, cumin, paprika, turmeric, salt and pepper and mix well. In a small bowl, whisk the ground flaxseed with the water. Then, using your hands, incorporate the flaxseed mixture into the chickpea mixture until fully combined.

7. Shape everything into 5 evenly sized patties and place on a prepared lined baking sheet. Heat the remaining oil in a large frying pan and then pan fry each patty for 2-3 minutes on each side. Once done, transfer the patties back to the lined baking sheet and bake for 25- 30 minutes, or until cooked through.

 

VEGAN CASHEW CACAO BLISS BALLS:

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup of raw cashews
  • 8 pitted dates
  • 2 tablespoons raw cacao powder
  • 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup of shredded unsweetened coconut
  • 2 teaspoons agave syrup

 

Method:

1. Add cashews, dates, cacao powder and vanilla to a food processor and blend.

2. While blending add the agave syrup.

3. Form the mixture into small balls and then roll them in a bowl with the coconut until coated.

4. Place in fridge until balls are hardened.

 

VEGAN PROTEIN MUFFINS:
Recipe makes 10-11 muffins.

Ingredients:

  • 2 flax eggs (2 Tbsps ground flaxseed + 5 Tbsps water)
  • 1 1/4 cup dairy-free yoghurt, unsweetened (soy can be used)
  • 2 medium (very ripe) bananas
  • 2 cups GF rolled oats
  • 1/3 cup vanilla flavoured protein powder Nutritional Booster
  • 1/4 cup pure maple syrup
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
  • Your favourite topping such as berries, granola, vegan chocolate chips, chopped nuts, seeds, dried fruit, rolled oats, crushed cookies

 

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 200 degrees C.

2. Lightly grease each slot of a standard muffin tin. Use paper liners to keep the recipe oil-free.

3. Prepare flax eggs in a small bowl, by mixing together the ground flax and water.

4. Set aside about 10 minutes. It will thicken up and become gel-like.

5. When the flax eggs are ready, add all the ingredients
(except the toppings) into a high-powered blender or food processor.

6. Blend until smooth, about 1-2 minutes. Scrape down sides as needed.

7. Pour mixture into each slot about 3/4 of the way full.

8. Sprinkle each one with your kids’ favourite toppings. Don’t press the toppings into the batter. It may yield a flatter muffin.

9. Bake for 15-18 minutes, until lightly golden brown.

10. Insert a toothpick in the middle of a muffin or two. If it comes out mostly clean, they are cooked.

11. Let muffins cool for 10 minutes in the pan before transferring them to a cooling rack, then cool for another 10-15 minutes.

12. It is normal if the muffins might flatten out a little bit

To avoid the liner sticking to the muffin, let them completely cool before enjoying. If not using liners, gently pop out each muffin with a butter knife.

Veganism is a hotly contested diet and way of life. Many argue that the absence of dairy and meat from a child’s diet is a recipe for disaster, however, science has continually proven the health benefits of a balanced and well-planned vegan diet.

Fad diets have come and gone but veganism continues to take over the world as scientific evidence behind the health trend has changed the eating habits of millions of people. To be vegan is to maintain a diet without the consumption of animal products. This means no meat, dairy, cheese or eggs. For those who have enjoyed an omnivorous diet throughout their life, eating cake and a hearty steak without a care, this diet may seem extreme and overwhelming.

Why should I eat vegan?
A well-balanced vegan diet has shown to provide health benefits, such as the reduced risk of chronic diseases associated with high-sugar and high-preservative diets. This includes:

  • Obesity
  • Coronary artery disease (damage or disease to the heart’s
    major blood vessels)
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Hypertension (high blood pressure)
  • Some types of cancer, specifically bowel cancer which can be
    caused by a high consumption of red or processed meat.

How?
The livestock industry produces 60 per cent of greenhouse gas emissions in farming, not to mention the global acidification of ocean water, and the impacts of eutrophication which is the build up of nutrients in water bodies that destroys wildlife.

Researchers estimated a vegan world would produce 49 per cent less greenhouse gas emissions from food, 50 per cent less acidification, and would reduce water use by 19 per cent.

Oxford University researcher Joseph Poore says that going vegan “is probably the single biggest way to reduce your impact on planet Earth.”

NEED TO KNOW!
Ensure a balanced diet so that children still receive adequate amounts of vitamin D, calcium, iron and vitamin B12. Vitamin B12 is hard to find in a vegan diet so a B12 supplement is recommended.

Can we get all the same nutrients on a vegan diet?
Yes, of course! However, it is recommended that vegans eat legumes and nuts every day to ensure enough daily nutrient intake.

Iron in a vegan diet is surprisingly, not hard to come by. The best sources of iron include cereals fortified with iron such as Weet-Bix and All-Bran, legumes, tofu, green leafy vegetables such as spinach and dried fruits. The most crucial times for a child raised on a vegan diet is under the age of five, and when girls hit puberty as that is when iron levels drop.

Zinc allows for the development of our immune system and so
they are vital in a healthy vegan diet. Zinc is commonly found in
nuts, miso, tofu, legumes and wholegrain foods. A lack of zinc can
make your child more susceptible to disease and illness.

Calcium is needed for a child to build strong bones and teeth.
It can be found in cereals fortified with calcium including Corn
Flakes and Raisin Bran, soymilk, Asian green vegetables, almonds
and Brazil nuts.

Protein is important for building bones, muscles, repairing
skin and blood. It is found in tofu, tempeh, lentils, chickpeas,
seeds, oats, soymilk and vegetables such as peas, sweet potatoes,
broccoli, potatoes and asparagus.

What goes into my child’s vegan lunchbox?
Dietitian Amber Sewell-Green, who specialises in plant-based
nutrition, suggests:

  • Wholegrain wraps with fillings such as hummus, avocado, tofu
    or tempeh
  •  Lentil or quinoa salads
  • Enchiladas with beany fillings
  • Homemade bliss balls
  • Homemade popcorn
  • Snack packs of crunchy fava beans.

While ensuring your child is attaining the necessary vitamins and nutrients that are essential for their healthy development, a vegan diet can be cleansing and even strengthening for a growing child. As a diet that separates itself from preserved meats and cheeses, a vegan diet can reduce the chances of several life-threatening illnesses while also having a positive impact on the environment.

Depression is a horrendous place. Despite it, unfortunately, now having a colossal army of recruits, it is the loneliest place in the world. In my experience, this was a result of Superwoman Syndrome.

I wonder who noticed we skipped an edition? In nearly eight years of publishing Offspring Magazine to simply not produce an issue was a big deal. It wasn’t just a blip to my staff either who rely on a regular income.

The reason? A Big. Fat. Meltdown.

I shouldn’t understate the reality… that’s what got me into strife in the first place … glossing over things.

Celebrating 2017 New Year’s Eve and the ensuing 11 days in Royal Perth psychiatric ward with “Ice addicts and prostitutes” (yes, shamefully, my words at the time before discovering we suffered from the same disease – Inability to Cope with Life) was a Superpowered meltdown. Otherwise known as BREAKDOWN.

So I won’t skirt around, in a misguided attempt at Superwoman heroism. Mind you, I was never under any such delusions of grandeur, but I guess trying to meet some self-imposed, perfectionistic ideals of running a successful business and having aspirations of becoming a Mary Poppins-style mother (albeit in her forties, and single…), and managing – was trying to utilise superpowers I simply didn’t inherit. As my therapist points out, “60% is Doing Great”.

Flagellating the self for failing at attempts to live up to an ideal which saw a Good Mum BAKING not BUYING $10-additive-ridden-cupcakes from Coles; Or, that my kids would become maternal orphans for spending more time at their dad’s than mine during press deadlines; contributed to the malady.

I did have real pressures. Being a single mum is tough – emotionally and financially. I personally find the burden of having to Provide the hardest part. As well as not having that special someone to confide in the stresses of each day. The isolation and load is taxing.

I had also been running flat out for a while, expanding Offspring during a relentless and fast-paced era of communications changes, in a cut-throat industry, while adapting to life as a single parent, in a new town with no family or friends. The isolation exaggerates everything. It has been gruelling, lonely and stressful.

Background: Several years after launching Offspring Perth, I packed up my then-five and two-year-old children, and husband, and moved interstate to launch our Sydney edition and then earlier last year launched Offspring Melbourne. The digital side was somewhere in between, and of course the requirements for that area are expanding all the time.

The timing was unusual. Depression can be like that…sneaking up on you while you’re convincing yourself you’re ‘doing fine’.

I was apparently doing everything right: I took time off work. I was running 6km every day. I meditated two hours a day. I had regular counselling sessions with a great psychologist. Confided with close family. Spoke candidly with friends. Had invested in a personal library dominated by Hay House publishing; I think I could write a PhD thesis on positive affirmations! Hell, I even gave up alcohol. No mean feat given it was the Festive Season.

But, still, I could not keep the Black Dog at bay.

I lost all interest in life. Including eating, I weighed 45 kg.

I just wanted to Not Exist Any More. To die.

I wanted to escape the pain. It was excruciating.

During my daily run, I had to continuously fight the urge to run in front of oncoming traffic. And would then curl over in a screaming ball of agony. The pain in my gut, in my solar plexus, was like someone was pushing a nine-inch dagger inside and twisted it around. It was physical.

I prayed like hell for help. And it came. I was lucky in that I had tremendous reprieve relatively quickly, and without medication.

I was prescribed Prozac and told I would be committed to a life-long dedication to a medication and counselling program. It would be about ‘managing’, not ‘curing’. As someone who hates to be confined to any one dogma or label, this prognosis irked me.

One afternoon, two days before I was due to be released back into to the Wild, er, world again, and five days into the administered anti-depressant regime, and hungover from Temazepam as the only means of sleep while battling mental train wrecks and sharing a dormitory with three other emotionally-fraught, insomniacs, I had a whim to do what, any rational, and very, very desperate person, seeking Hope, might also do. Go see a clairvoyant.

It was on one of my family excursions, out of the asylum, during which my supportive ex-husband brought the kids to visit, that I decided a trip to Fremantle might be useful. This was the kids’ Summer holiday, I didn’t want my ‘ineptness’ ruining their holiday. (Ineptness was precisely how I viewed my condition, not as an illness, which is not a helpful attitude for addressing this type of problem.).

It was here, in a Crystal Shop in Fremantle, I met Yvette.

Yvette could relate. She read my soul. She could feel my agony without me saying a word. She understood my pain and offered help.

The medical staff at hospital had done their jobs well and offered help but I’d tried their treatments previously, and here I was, worse than ever. I certainly open to alternative suggestions. Anything was worth a crack, even if it meant reducing the pain by placebo. I didn’t care.

Yvette referred me a Body Talk worker, Brenda, and while I didn’t know anything about this discipline, I was too exhausted and hopeless to care, judge or enquire. What the hell? I’d take a gamble on adding to present pain.

I went and saw Brenda and WOW. I went to sleep that night and awoke the next morning to have ALL PAIN REMOVED. THE DEPRESSION HAD GONE.

And it hasn’t returned.

I am not advocating against traditional medicine. This is very necessary, for many, but for me I had tried several times over the years and it hadn’t worked. There were blocks there not being addressed by traditional methods.

When I experienced the relief of the depression I also had a massive realisation: This pain wasn’t new. It had only intensified recently to become unbearable but I had been harbouring the aching for nearly 30 years.

Sounds miraculous, and it was. And I am very, very, very grateful. I am grateful to the whole experience, not just the healing, and the people and events that lead to that.

I am also grateful to now grasp the damage this ridiculous Superwoman notion causes. Not just to ourselves, but to those around us. My family in Perth missed spending time with me at home. My kids had to visit me in a psychiatric ward and deal with an emotionally-fragile mother. The only time I spent with my old Perth friends while visiting was in hospital. My staff lost income. My ex-husband had to take a week off work, not to mention, presumably, dealing with the prospect of his children having a basket case for a mother. And of course, I was getting no joy out of life.

Ironically, in my bid to ‘have it all’, I had nothing.

So Superwoman, or Superman (now that’s a whole new kettle of piranhas!), can superzoom off into the ether. Superordinary will have to do.

 

For those experiencing depression please contact:

Suicide helpline:

If you or someone you know is struggling with Depression please contact

Lifeline Australia

Phone: 13 11 14

www.lifeline.org.au/get-help

Even low-grade parental blame and resentment perpetuate a cycle of emotional pain and suffering that can negatively affect your adult relationships, finances, and overall wellbeing; ultimately preventing the love, abundance and happiness you desire and deserve.

 

If you have no comparison, you might not notice the amount of energy it takes to hold onto an emotional wound or even a small grudge, but holding onto anger, resentment or any form of hostility requires a tremendous amount of life force energy and this energy is non-refundable. Decades of anger and resentment can cut years off your life, and you wouldn’t even know it. Think of it like throwing hundred dollar bills into the toilet each day, except life force energy is infinitely more valuable than all the money in the world.

The Cycle of Suffering

Without healing our childhood wounds and subsequently forgiving our parents, we stay emotionally stuck at the age of our earliest wounds, and because this causes us to repeat the cycle of suffering, we keep experiencing an adult version of our childhood wounds. For instance, let’s say you haven’t forgiven your mom for missing your tenth birthday or healed the resulting feelings of abandonment; whenever this issue is triggered by a current day experience (ex: someone forgets to call you), the original emotional wound is activated and you drop into an unconscious reaction. For all intents and purposes, you become your wounded ten-year-old self, and because you feel the same pain you felt then, you react by lashing out or shutting down.

Because an emotional reaction is an automatic response to an unhealed wound, there is little or no control over emotions or behavior, and this dynamic can result in a series of current day relationship issues. Year after year, the cumulative effect of emotional reactions can destroy the quality of our most important relationships.

Law of Attraction

According to the Law of Attraction, we unconsciously attract people who trigger our emotional wounds, and this is why a person with abandonment issues attracts potential partners who have commitment fears; not as punishment or karma but rather because our higher selves want us to heal and will use every opportunity to bring our wounds to the forefront. Unfortunately, this means that unhealed emotional wounds can prevent you from meeting your ideal partner or soul mate, and even if you do find each other, the turbulent nature of emotional wounds is known to sabotage even the most ideal partnership.

Blame Perpetuates Pain

Blaming your parents not only keeps the wound alive, it also tells your subconscious mind that your parents currently have power over you or your life, and, therefore, blame programs you for disempowerment. Like a virus, this dynamic can spread to every facet of your life. Additionally, whenever we blame another, we become entangled with their energy and stay entangled until we let go, and, consequently, we cannot grow beyond the parent we blame.

Of course, it’s no big surprise that forgivingness is the key to emotional freedom, but, in most cases, forgiveness is easier said than done. But why?

“Year after year, the cumulative effect of emotional reactions can destroy the quality of our most important relationships.”

Why is forgiveness so difficult?

First, you must realize that blame, anger, and various related emotions are defensive guards that protect you from future harm. Since true forgiveness requires you to release this defense, the very act of forgiveness creates emotional risk. Therefore, to forgive your parents, you must trust they won’t hurt you again, but, the hard truth is, you can never be certain – there is no way to control or predict another person’s behavior, and sometimes loving people do hurtful things.

If you are still vulnerable to being hurt, forgiveness could destroy the only defense you have, and, if this is the case, your protective ego will not allow you to forgive. Therefore, before you can forgive, you must eliminate the risk of emotional harm, and this inevitably means self-responsibility.

Responsibility before Forgiveness

There’s no way around it, as long as you blame or shift responsibility in any regard, you give others the power to hurt you, and as long as you give others the power to hurt you, you’re going to be hurt. Therefore, the only way to prevent emotional harm is by releasing blame and taking full responsibility for every emotion you experience, but there is no point assuming responsibility if you don’t also uncover the dynamics behind your childhood issues. Therefore, to make yourself immune to emotional harm, you must pinpoint the hidden cause of your childhood wounds, and once you do, I will show you how to heal it now.

“…before you can forgive, you must eliminate the risk of emotional harm…”

Understanding the True Nature of Emotional Wounds

We often confuse an emotional wound with the event or experience that caused the wound, but the actual wound is not the situation or circumstance. An emotional wound is the disempowering belief we adopted in response to the experience. Without needing to analyze the details, the core emotional wound is virtually always unworthiness, and, in fact, unworthiness (or conditional worthiness) is the core wound of every other emotional wound.

All children have emotional needs that must be met to feel worthy of love and life; these needs include approval, acceptance, appreciation, understanding, validation, respect, etcetera. Although children require all emotional needs to be fulfilled, one emotional need almost always stands out from the rest, and because this is usually the need least met, it is the emotional need most associated with worth, and, as a result, it becomes the child’s Primary Emotional Need (PEN).

Children naturally adopt beliefs that explain why one or both parents fail to provide this emotional need, so when a child doesn’t receive approval, for example, the child naturally believes she is unworthy of approval, or more likely, she believes she must meet certain conditions to prove she is worthy. Hypersensitive to this need being met, she automatically interprets approval as proof of worthiness and judgment as proof of unworthiness, and this is why judgment can cause intense emotional pain even in adulthood.

Here’s the thing, like every human being, you were born unconditionally worthy, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to prove, improve, or disprove worth. Therefore the emotional pain associated with believing you are unworthy is due to the fact it is completely untrue! Emotional pain is a warning system that alerts you to false beliefs.

Why do we need to be warned of false beliefs?

All disempowering beliefs, such as unworthiness, powerlessness, and victimhood, put us into survival mode, and over time can cause chronic and acute issues with serious repercussions, and, therefore, we need a warning system that alerts us to debilitating beliefs. This warning system is emotion, and, in fact, the purpose of emotional pain is to alert you to the fact you believe a falsehood. Just like physical pain alerts you the second you prick your finger with a knife, so you won’t cut your whole finger off, emotional pain alerts you to harmful beliefs so you can release them.

Without knowing that emotional pain is a sign of a false belief, most of us wrongly interpret this pain; so whenever we feel the emotional pain associated with unworthiness, the pain makes us believe the belief is true, thereby strengthening the belief and deepening the wound, and this perpetuates a cycle of emotional pain.

Furthermore, this internal warning system will stop at nothing to make you aware of a false belief, and, in fact, with increasing amplification, you will attract continuous opportunities that trigger emotional pain until you finally pay attention and release the false belief that is responsible for the pain. All emotional healing is releasing disempowering beliefs.
““““

Entangled in the conscious or unconscious belief that worth depends on getting our parents to meet our emotional needs, we grow into adults, still expecting one or both parents to give us what we need to feel worthy. But, this just sets us up for more pain because it never works.

“….this is why judgment can cause intense emotional pain even in adulthood…”

Why don’t parents meet their children’s emotional needs?

First of all, even the most well-intentioned parents often fail to meet their children’s emotional needs, and, in most cases, emotional wounds have nothing to do with parental love. Oftentimes, childhood emotional wounds are by-products of parenting style or our parent’s unhealed wounds or family issues, such as financial challenges, divorce, or a family member’s addiction, disease, mental illness or chronic depression.

Although parental judgment, criticism, and comparison to siblings or other children are the most common causes of the worthiness wound, almost any dynamic can set the stage, for instance, when a parent is over-protective or over-controlling, a child may feel disrespected and develop the belief he is unworthy of respect, and he may conclude he is untrustworthy, or when a child is told to be seen but not heard, she may develop the belief she is not worthy to speak, or she may believe she is not important.

In most cases, a child’s emotional wounds deepen over time, and as the child matures into adulthood, the wound matures accordingly; manifesting as problematic relationships, financial concerns, career challenges, and health issues, while also making it difficult to pursue one’s dreams and desires.

Many adult children protect themselves from parental judgment and manipulation by closing their hearts and putting up energetic barriers, but despite the defensive quality of anger and blame, it doesn’t protect us from emotional pain because the shield actually keeps the pain inside while it also prevents healing. Regardless of age, every time your parents fail to meet your Primary Emotional Need, feelings of disappointment feed unworthiness and often lead to powerlessness.

The Unworthiness Wound Causes Powerlessness

Do you still need parental approval, acceptance, validation or permission to feel worthy? If so, do you conceal behaviors that don’t meet your parent’s expectations?

This dynamic is quite common in most adults but there is a huge cost involved because whenever you suppress authentic expression in exchange for approval or acceptance, for example, you inadvertently give away your power. In fact, it is impossible to expect your parents to meet your emotional needs and make you feel worthy without giving them your power.

Consequently, the relationship is based on dysfunctional dynamics where you remain a powerless child who is vulnerable to being hurt. Not only does this make you susceptible to parental judgment and criticism, it also makes you vulnerable to manipulation through guilt and obligation.

Although blame is a natural response to powerlessness, it actually tells your subconscious mind that the parent you are blaming has power over you, and, therefore, blame perpetuates more powerlessness. Indeed, you won’t be able to heal your emotional wounds or forgive your parents as long as you blame them for making you feel powerless and unworthy. This is why self-responsibility is the cure, and, in fact, self-responsibility is the only thing that can solve your issues.

Self-responsibility means that you must own your unconditional worth and you must take back your power by releasing the expectation that your parents meet any of your emotional needs, and this also includes releasing the need for apology, acknowledge, or retribution.

“This is why self-responsibility is the cure, and, in fact, self-responsibility is the only thing that can solve your issues.”

Give to yourself what you need from your parents!

As you take responsibility for your life and your choices, you must stop seeking parental permission and emotional support, and, in fact, you don’t even need your parents to believe in you or your dreams. The same reasons your parents didn’t meet your needs in childhood are the same reasons they still don’t.  So you can let them off the hook and release all expectations!

Finally, when you know your unconditional worth, and you own your intrinsic power, your parents can’t hurt you emotionally, and, consequently, forgiveness becomes possible.

As dysfunctional dynamics dissolve, it gives way to a new paradigm of relationship based on unconditional worth and self-empowerment. The foundation of this deeper connection is clear boundaries, and, in fact, boundaries can take you from a powerless child to an empowered adult in a heartbeat. Indeed, your personal power is only as strong as your boundaries.

Boundaries are Key!

As an adult-child, it is up to you to set boundaries with your parents. Initially, it might feel uncomfortable, but, over time, strong boundaries will strengthen the relationship and allow for a deeper connection. So, to create a positive adult relationship with your parents, what boundaries do you need as an empowered adult?

Keep in mind, a boundary of respect, for example, is vague and you probably need to define the parameters of respect, so clearly and specifically spell it out in terms of communication and interaction. In all likelihood, you will need to teach your parents how to treat you, speak to you, and behave in ways that reflect respect. It’s also a good idea to invite your mom and dad to establish their boundaries and do your very best to honor them, as well.

Boundaries are set through intention but established with attention!

Effective boundaries require integrity, and this means that you must back-up every boundary with proper and consistent attention. Therefore, don’t expect your parents to automatically know when they are encroaching on a boundary. When people are used to behaving in habitual ways, it takes time to recognize new boundaries and reorganize new behavior accordingly. This means that it’s your responsibility to protect your boundaries, and, therefore, confidentially give clear feedback; tell your mom or dad when they are crossing (or about to cross) a boundary.

However, if either parent doesn’t respect your boundaries, don’t be afraid to limit interactions accordingly, but let them know why, so they have the necessary information to change their behavior. Believe it or not, most parents will eventually learn to respect boundaries, but only if you consistently enforce them first.

Reaping the Rewards

No matter how it seems, childhood wounds always leverage hidden gifts, such as independence, wisdom, or compassion, and without emotional challenges, our best attributes might never be revealed. If you haven’t yet recognized the positive qualities that sprung from your childhood wounds, now would be a wonderful time to do so because the recognition itself can be extremely healing. Indeed, the point is to heal the wounds but keep the benefits!

Finally, always remember that forgiveness is never for the person being forgiven. Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself.

You are love, you are light, and all is well!

Graciously,
Nanice

P.S. You can watch the video version of this artlce here.

Nanice Bio:
As a Conscious Creation Coach since 1997, Nanice teaches mastery level manifestation. Using quantum principals, human dynamics, consciousness techniques, and real life experiences, her powerful coaching style is often referred to as the “Nanice Effect.”  Nanice is the author of several inspirational books including, “Is There a White Elephant in Your Way? – a comprehensive guidebook to awakening and self-empowerment.” Sign up for Nanice’s Free 7 Part Awakening Series at www.Nanice.com/Awaken. To find out more, please visit www.Nanice.com