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Precautions taken by medical staff left new mum, Jess Bowen, feeling traumatised, “diseased” and excluded during her first birthing experience.

 “I felt like I was diseased. The doctor would whisper to the nurse that I should have my mask on like I had the Corona Virus. It felt awful.”

Credit: Jess Bowen

Melbourne mum and hairdresser, Jess Bowen, gave birth to her first baby on the 28th of March this year, when the pandemic was beginning.

“My pregnancy was wonderful. I didn’t have any complications and I was excited to give birth,” shares Jess.

At Jess’s final appointment with her midwife, protein was found in the urine indicating pre-eclampsia, whereupon she was admitted into the hospital and immediately induced.

Jess laughs about not having enough time to gather her things, pack a bag or worst of all, “put on fake tan”.

Being a new mum is stressful without the added pressures of a global crisis. Jess describes her experience at the hospital as “traumatic”. She says the nurses were cold and “on edge with Covid happening. This made them short and abrupt.”

Once admitted, Jess was induced using a Foley Bulb induction, commonly known as the “Balloon Method”, where a Foley catheter is inserted into the cervix and is inflated, with sterilised water or air, over a period of time to help the cervix dilate for birth.

The nurses monitored her during the process by checking her dilation using their fingers. “It felt awful,” Jess recalls. “There’d be no warning. Just enter the room, stick their fingers in and would be disappointed because I wasn’t dilating fast enough. They weren’t reassuring me so it would just make me feel anxious.”

Credit: danielledobson_photographer

Eventually, the doctor arrived to examine her.

“He was really quite abrupt and rude. He basically told me that I had a disease (referencing her pre-eclampsia). I’m a new mum and it’s not really something that I want to hear. He just said I have a disease and we have to get this baby out.”

Jess says at one point she coughed to clear her throat, and the doctor immediately pulled the nurse aside and whispered, “she should have a mask on”.

“It was horrible to hear that. I felt so excluded and was already feeling disgusting from when the doctor called me diseased earlier.”

Jess can’t help but think how her experience may have differed if she wasn’t giving birth during these unprecedented times.

Jess rarely saw the doctor after this. Any interactions from the medical staff were limited until she was ready to deliver. After a day of the Balloon, she had only dilated one centimetre and needed to try another method.

Credit: danielledobson_photographer

 

Jess speaks highly of her head midwife, Jenny, throughout this process saying, “She was out of this world amazing, overall an experience from having that doctor, she made it so much better.”

She was then induced through the use of Oxytocin, which is a synthetic hormone that is administered through a drip in the arm to start the contractions.

Jess describes these contractions to be the most painful thing she’s ever experienced before.

 

“Immediately I felt anxious. I felt really depressed. They basically said to me that I needed to try, because at this point, I was feeling deflated and wanted to have a C-section.”

A few hours after starting the Oxytocin, Jess felt a sharp pain to the right of her stomach and had the urge to go to the toilet. The head midwife checked her and told her that she was three centimetres dilated. Jess immediately asked for an epidural, which was a 15-minute wait. During that time, Jess says she dilated 10 centimetres and was ready to deliver.

Jess went into shock and was crying through “the worst pain of her life”.

“Throughout the pushing process, I didn’t opt for any gas or pain relief because I was in such shock. It was a traumatic experience for me with everything that was going on and the treatment of the staff with Covid-19. It was frightening.”

Jess finally gave birth to her beautiful girl, Isla. Fortunately, she had her partner with her through this process.

Credit: danielledobson_photographer

“No one else was allowed to visit me in the hospital and my partner was only allowed during a small time-frame in the day, so during the inducing process and after giving birth, I didn’t have support from my family to get me through this. I just wanted my mum there.”

Hours after Jess gave birth, the nurses continued to monitor her bleeding through a weighing process to ensure there weren’t any further complications. Jess explains being “on a high with adrenaline” throughout this and wasn’t paying attention to the rising concern from the nurses as she surpassed a litre of blood.

After 20 minutes from her last check-up, Jess had sat up and explained the sensation of her “water breaking”. Jess lost 1.8 litres of blood and the head midwife called the surgeon. She recalled nurses accidentally dropping blood on the ground and described her room to be a “murder scene”.

During emergency surgery, Jess says they put a plastic box over her head. “It made me feel really small. The surgeon felt bad about it and was trying to reassure me that it was just protocol with Covid-19.”

After this, Jess was relatively okay. She had spent the last remaining hours after surgery with her partner and her new baby girl, but at 5 AM, her partner was told to leave.

“My partner was annoyed but I was still running on adrenaline, so I was less upset. I was happy and messaging my family about the good news and it was just one of those situations where ‘it is what it is’.”

Credit: Jess Bowen

When Jess was finally able to go home, Victoria’s first round of lockdown’s was in full effect and she spent her first weeks as a mother trapped in her home alone with her partner. Jess was suffering from the baby blues and wasn’t able to lean on her family for help.

“It felt like everything I was doing was wrong. I was barely sleeping, could barely walk because of the blood loss. I just didn’t know what to do. There wasn’t a single day during the six-week lockdown where I didn’t cry.”

Jess speaks about the importance of seeking help. The moment lockdown ended, she went to her psychiatrist and was put on anti-depressant medication.

“No one ever warns you about the way you feel after you give birth. I felt like it was unusual to be experiencing this level of sadness and anxiety when I have the most perfectly healthy baby girl who was gaining weight. Everyone else seemed so happy after their birth that it was hard not to compare myself to them.”

Isla is now five months old and Jess is feeling tremendously better. The lockdown had lifted so that gave her time to introduce her new baby to her family and friends.

“The medication is really helping. I’m starting to feel like myself again and my partner is seeing the improvements too.”

Even though Melbourne has gone back into lockdown again, she’s sad that her family don’t get to see Isla during some significant milestones, she feels much more prepared and stable to tackle what comes next.

How to cure a headache during pregnancy? 

We’ve compiled a list of the best natural, at-home remedies to relieve your headache as quickly as possible!

by Henna Clark

Headaches are common in the initial months of the pregnancy. It varies from mild to severe, depending upon your health and lifestyle. It is very important that you take foods rich in fibers, antioxidants, vitamin C, CoQ10, and magnesium. You need adequate sleep as well as need to be properly hydrated to counteract its initial development.

Causes

Your body undergoes various changes during the initial months of the pregnancy, such as:

  • Change in hormone levels and volume of blood during the initial months
  • Low blood sugar levels
  • High blood pressure

Apart from these some of the other causes involve:

  • Stress
  • Eyestrain
  • Caffeine withdrawal symptoms for regular coffee drinkers
  • Dehydration due to frequent vomits in initial periods of your pregnancy
  • Migraines
  • Sometimes sinus infections are developed due to common cold, which is common during initial months of pregnancy

 

 

How to cure a headache during pregnancy? This is the question the majority of women ask, and they start taking various medications to get rid of it, which must be avoided. 

Always take the advice of your doctor before taking any medication to treat it, as doctors advice to avoid them. The reason being the unborn baby might get affected by certain medications that might harm their growth.

Aspirin is one of the medications which must be avoided, as it carries the risk of miscarriage and cardiovascular complications on the unborn child. Ergotamines are used for treating migraine pains. However, doctors advise not to use it. It causes birth defects if taken during the initial months of pregnancy.

There are various natural cures for headaches during your pregnancy. Which provides quick relief with no harm to you and your unborn child. The various natural remedies are as follows:

Relieving migraine pains

For migraine-associated headaches, you must avoid noisy surroundings and turn off your lights. Migraine suffering women are sensitive to them. Apart from these, having a sound sleep is also effective in relieving the pain. Sometimes sleep deprivation, less food, and water intake also causes migraines. Make sure you sleep well, regularly drink water, and have adequate food.

Processed and junk foods trigger migraine pains, completely avoid intake of this food to prevent migraines.

Cold compress

Apply an ice pack or towel dipped in cold water in your head while you take a nap. The Cold environment narrows the blood vessels in your head, which helps in providing relief to your headaches.

Warm compress

Apply warm compress on your eyes as well as on your nose for sinus-related headaches.

Consume water

As per the study, drinking enough water and consuming foods rich in water relieves headaches and is a preventive measure for stress and migraine-related headaches. Dehydration alleviates the symptoms of your headache and is the primary cause of migraines and stress-induced headaches.

Magnesium-rich foods

Magnesium controls the blood sugar and improves the blood circulation of the body. It helps in curbing the occurrence of headaches. Consume less magnesium at the beginning as too much intake leads to digestive issues. Some magnesium-rich foods are avocados, dark chocolate, nuts, legumes, tofu, whole grains, etc.

No alcohol

Alcohol dehydrates your body and causes headaches if consumed in excess. Its a strict no for pregnant women.

Adequate sleep

As per the study, people sleeping less than six hours suffered frequent headaches ranging from mild to severe.

Sleeping for seven to nine hours is a must for better health. Lack of sleep not only causes headaches but also has severe health complications. Having an adequate sleep is a natural way to cure headaches.

Essential oils

Essential oils such as peppermint and lavender oil are proven to be effective for headache relief. Apply these oils in your forehead or on your temples for better results. Lavender oil is also better known for relieving migraine headaches.

CoQ10 supplements

CoQ10 or coenzyme 10 is a mitochondrial nutrient that is present in all our cells. It releases energy and provides antioxidant support to the body. As we age, its proportions get reduced, which results in numerous health complications headache being one of them. Taking C0Q10 supplements helps in regaining the lost energy of your body and gets relief in your headache.

Acupressure

Acupressure points in our body are the natural healing points that give us quick relief from headaches. In your feet, locate a gall bladder 41 point between the 4th and 5th finger of your toe. This point is very effective for headaches. Take a deep breath and gently push that point for two minutes. If you find it difficult, then your partner can assist in doing that. For headaches caused due to stress and anxiety, there is another point in your foot called liver three to kidney one. You can locate it in between the thumb and first finger of your foot.

Apart from all these remedies, you need to avoid strong odors and fragrances as it triggers a headache.

The Bottom line is that these remedies have no side effects, and these are safe and efficient ways to treat your headache.

Author Bio:

Henna is a wellness lifestyle writer. She loves sharing her thoughts and personal experiences related to natural remedies, Ayurvedic, yoga and fitness through her writing. She currently writes for How To Cure. She can connect with others experiencing health concerns and help them through their recovery journeys through natural remedies

Sources:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0072975210970127

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15985108

Discovering she was pregnant just four weeks after the diagnosis of a life-threatening cancer was a bitter sweet pill to swallow for celebrity fashion journalist, Elle Halliwell. In unchartered territory, Elle made the brave, life-threatening decision to delay the most effective form of treatment available to give her pregnancy the best chance of going full term and save the life of her unborn.

Elle’s health is her top priority. This is apparent at the onset, when our first interview is postponed due to her low immunity and need for rest. When we finally chat, she is as warm and generous as her media profile projects. She radiates an enigmatic charm offering authentic and raw accounts of her cancer experience and the pathway to surviving her illness for the sake of her unborn baby and the ongoing management of her incurable cancer.

“I don’t have the health that I used to, and I just want to get back to ‘normal’”, Elle says, “These last two weeks I was really sick, so I can’t push.”

Suffering chronic anxiety throughout her twenties, and at the prime of her career, Elle had missed the warning signs that her health was in decline.

Suffering chronic anxiety throughout her twenties, and at the prime of her career, Elle had missed the warning signs that her health was in decline, “with it reaching a crescendo that was almost like I was being tickled with a leaf and then all of sudden the tree fell,” she recalls.

In the May of 2016, having only just informed her family of her Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia (C.M.L.) diagnosis, Elle chose not to share the news of her pregnancy to give her time to research the prognosis of her baby and his chance of survival. What followed was a whirlwind few weeks consulting specialists and attempting, with no luck, to find similar cases around the world with a diagnosis so early in pregnancy.

Elle explains, “With C.M.L. there is a translocation of two chromosomes. Chromosome nine and twenty-two have broken off and switched, resulting in the production of cancer cells that can lie dormant.”

While this decision did not take long to make, Elle still feels guilt-ridden with the idea she even contemplated termination.

Elle’s passion and interest in fashion was a saviour of sorts throughout her harrowing health journey. At her first biopsy at Royal Prince Alfred Hospital, Elle cinched her gown to add some shape. “Fashion in its most simple terms is a way to express yourself, wearing things to make you happy,” Elle says, deciding if she was going to take on cancer, she wasn’t going to do it looking “like a dag”.

Elle’s family were a great support throughout the pregnancy with her mum particularly “stoic”. Elle later realised this was a façade for her benefit, as her mother really “wasn’t coping well with my health tragedy,” she reflects.

Healthy and beautiful, bouncing baby boy Tor was born on December 17, 2016, four weeks premature. Elle’s good health five weeks postpartum was another blessing, enabling her to delay treatment to breastfeed Tor and pump sufficient milk supplies for nourishment in his early days.

Elle says, “I pumped like a dairy cow to store milk for Tor. I completely filled up the freezer on a mission. It was exhausting but really wonderful giving him that nourishment.”

“Psychologically, this time was wonderful, allowing me to experience motherhood before having to deal with commencing the treatment.”

When he is old enough, Elle plans to tell Tor about their triumphant journey to, “normalise the illness and so that he knows having cancer is not a death sentence.

“I am living proof there are some amazing developments in cancer research,” she says.

Not certain of what her future health journey holds Elle says, “Telling Tor will probably be a good thing because if something happens, it is a good way to prepare him.”

As she continues to battle her incurable illness, Elle has struggled at times with a dissonance between the superficiality of fashion and this raw and life-threatening experience.

Elle reflects, “There is so much more to life than fashion.”

“Psychologically, this time was wonderful, allowing me to experience motherhood before having to deal with commencing the treatment.”

As a means of processing and coping with this unimaginable predicament, a friend suggested Elle document her unique journey. Her journal and letters to her unborn baby scaffold her recently released book, A Mother’s Choice, which documents her journey to save her unborn child developing in her “sick body”.

Writing the book provided Elle and her loved ones with a difficult yet cathartic opportunity to work through their experiences and “offload their emotions”.

Elle still battles with the side effects of her treatment which, “aren’t fun but manageable”.

She is trying to empower herself by providing her family with the, “best shot at a healthy life” by focussing on self-care.

“Conventional medicine is so cut and dry. I want to give myself the knowledge to take my health destiny into my own hands. I really don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all for how bodies work,” reflects Elle who has just graduated as a Health Coach and is currently studying an Advanced Diploma of Naturopathy.

Elle’s health regime includes a good diet, meditation, baths, massages, steams, acupuncture and yoga to battle fatigue, low immunity, skin rashes and, when her phosphorous is low, “wacky blood”.

“Conventional medicine is so cut and dry. I want to give myself the knowledge to take my health destiny into my own hands. I really don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all for how bodies work.”

While Elle feels she may have “outgrown fashion”, she has recently developed a “renewed interest and excitement” in the industry, focussing instead on ethical brands which are making a real difference in the world. Those with transparent supply chains and “celebrating themes that really benefit the world,” she says.

Elle truly is a remarkable and inspirational woman, her tenacity and strength is unwavering. She selflessly chooses life, enduring the ups and downs of her incurable illness and the side effects of her life sustaining treatment, to live her life to the fullest for Tor and her family.

 

Writer, educator and mother Polly Dunning shares her insights on remaining true to values of feminism in the roles of marriage and motherhood which are perceived to have embedded sexism and misogyny.

My mother always said to me ‘There’s nothing like marriage and motherhood to radicalise women’. She was speaking, of course, about the noticeable absence of feminism in young women who have not yet come up hard against the structural discrimination that still permeates our world. I thought she meant other women. I was already a feminist. I come from a proud line of feminists going back at least three generations. I was already radicalised. I already had my eyes open to the sexism and misogyny embedded in the roles of wife and mother that I one day wanted to inhabit. I was prepared.

Or so I thought.

I already had my eyes open to the sexism and misogyny embedded in the roles of wife and mother that I one day wanted to inhabit.

It started with marriage. It was not that my relationship with my husband changed. It didn’t really, except that our commitment felt more formalised. It was other people’s reaction towards me that changed. I knew theoretically that it might, but somehow the reality made my blood boil. Seeing my surname erased and replaced by ‘Mrs …’ (I kept my own name) on letters and seating charts, even in jest, felt like a real blow. It was the first time sexism hit me in the face quite so blatantly and hard. How dare I not give up my name for my husbands? The ‘joke’ seemed a way of saying ‘get back in your box, girly.’

But didn’t I know this was coming? Of course, but the visceral experience of it was different. Suddenly my feminism wasn’t just academic. It also wasn’t just about the shadows of lower pay for traditionally female professions (like mine) or working harder to be thought of as ‘good’, while blokes doing half the job were bloody marvellous. This message was clear and no one was even trying to disguise it: you are a married woman, you should change your identity to become part of your husband’s.

The ‘joke’ seemed a way of saying ‘get back in your box, girly.’

This was a minor inconvenience, yes, but it signified something more. That as a woman I am not supposed to determine my identity for myself. I am public property. This sense was exacerbated by pregnancy. Suddenly people I’d never met felt they had the right to touch me, give me diet and medical advice, and tell me how I should be feeling. The reality was that, although I was ecstatic to be expecting a child, I hated being pregnant, but this didn’t seem to be acceptable to say. I’m a woman, and was soon to be a mother, so I had to be ‘enjoying every moment’ of pregnancy and feeling privileged to be unable to walk more than a few hundred metres, unable to sleep yet constantly exhausted, nauseated, and heavy.

…as a woman I am not supposed to determine my identity for myself. I am public property. This sense was exacerbated by pregnancy.

When my son arrived this sense that everything I did was up for public scrutiny intensified. It feels as if mothers work for society as a whole and so every member feels they have the right to give us a performance review at any given moment. Suddenly everything from what (and how) my son ate, when he slept and what he wore, to what I ate and how often I exercised became open to discussion and debate from total strangers. How to be a mother seems even more publicly determined than how to be a woman. But here’s the rub: you’re always doing it wrong.

But your husband is always doing it right. The fact that my husband researched and purchased the pram for our son, and knows the difference between a 000, 00 and 0 clothing size makes him father of the bloody year. I hear women talk about how amazing their husband is for changing a nappy, or fixing a bottle, or ‘helping with the baby’ (I think the word they’re looking for is ‘parenting’). I’ve lost count of the number of women who think it’s perfectly fine for them to do all the night settling and feeding because their husband has to go to work the next day. I do wonder what they think they do all day, because I don’t think they get their nails done and play tennis. I don’t even think they go to the toilet alone or drink a cup of coffee hot.

Here’s the rub: you’re always doing it wrong. But your husband is always doing it right.

And this makes me furious. Childrearing and mothering is so undervalued that we truly think that a man needs sleep so he can go to work and marginally improve the company’s bottom line more than a woman needs sleep so she can raise the citizens of the future. Both mothers and fathers need a whole lot more sleep than they’re getting, but neither needs it more than the other. Why is what traditionally (and usually) mothers do considered to hold such little value?

Yes, I always knew this would happen. But the sexist reality of marriage and motherhood has hit me hard, maybe because I thought I was so ready for it. Now I am well and truly radicalised, just like all those women before me, and that is a great thing. I no longer remain politely passive in the face of casual sexism. I’m not worried about how my feminism will make others feel. Why? Because they already unconsciously dismiss me as ‘just a mum’ anyway, so who cares if I make them uncomfortable? I’m done with only pointing out sexism at appropriate times and events. If you can’t handle the truth about what it’s like to be a wife and mother, don’t invite me for dinner because I am too bloody tired to pretend anymore.

Now I am well and truly radicalised, just like all those women before me, and that is a great thing.

Polly Dunning is a writer, educator, student, wife and mum. She writes on the subjects of feminism, parenting, and education, and has been published in various media including the Sydney Morning Herald, The Age, Daily Life, SBS Life, Women’s Agenda, Essential Kids, and the Mum Life Project, and contributed to the book ‘Unbreakable’ edited by Jane Caro. She is an experienced high school teacher and is currently enjoying the thrills and spills (oh, the spills) of maternity leave with her two young children.

 

Burnet Institute’s Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies is an important collabrative program designed to respond to the unfinished work of addressing the high rate of maternal and newborn deaths in Papua New Guinea.

When women in Australia ponder their pregnancy and the upcoming birth of their child to be, they often think of the joys (and sleepless nights) they’re likely to face. We’re lucky that it’s rare to ever hear of a mother dying in childbirth, and whilst some families do face the horrendous tragedy of stillbirth or newborn death, it’s thankfully uncommon. We’re so fortunate to have excellent prenatal care and ready access to quality and timely healthcare throughout pregnancy and birth. But this is not the case in Papua New Guinea (PNG) where the maternal mortality rate is one of the highest in the world.

PNG is our nearest neighbour and so it is astonishing that the risks facing mothers and their babies there is so profoundly different to those we face here, just a hundred or so kilometres away. Around 1,500 mothers lose their lives as a consequence of pregnancy or childbirth per year in PNG, and more than 5,000 babies die in their first month of life. This is a devastating reality for families in PNG.

The good news is that one of Australia’s leading medical research organisations, the Melbourne-based Burnet Institute is working hard to change this. The Burnet has been working in PNG for close to 20 years. The cornerstone of their work in PNG is Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies research program (HMHB), which is designed to help women and their babies have the best chance of surviving childbirth and give babies the best start possible to then thrive through childhood.

PNG is our nearest neighbour and so it is astonishing that the risks facing mothers and their babies there is so profoundly different to those we face here, just a hundred or so kilometres away.

There are many factors that contribute to PNG’s very high mortality rates, rugged geography and poor infrastructure, especially in rural and remote areas, can mean access to health care is very difficult. There can be a lack of understanding around the importance of antenatal care with many women attending clinics late in pregnancy or not at all. There can also be small but significant financial constraints on families, which add to the burden of travel or the cost of accessing care, or there could also be the lack of partner support, or a preference for traditional birthing practices within villages.

All these issues can be further complicated by the complexity surrounding common diseases that are often present such as malaria, undiagnosed sexually transmissible infections, tuberculosis as well as malnutrition and high levels of anaemia, all of which can contribute to poor maternal and newborn outcomes.

 

Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies is working towards a healthier PNG, focusing on improving outcomes for women and babies in order to save lives. It is a broad research program examining medical causes and behavioural risk factors for poor health, and also looking at social factors influencing health, the provision of health services, and how to encourage effective uptake of services.

Our team of researchers is working alongside local facilities and communities to better understand some of the difficult issues that contribute to poor health outcomes for women and babies in PNG. HMHB is aiming to identify what the main drivers are for poor maternal and newborn health, especially for babies being born too small. Babies born too small, either because they haven’t been able to grow adequately in pregnancy or because they’re born too soon, face a much higher risk of dying in childbirth or early infancy. For those babies who make it through, they face a higher risk of poor growth and development in childhood, often referred to as stunting.

Around 1,500 mothers lose their lives as a consequence of pregnancy or childbirth per year in PNG, and more than 5,000 babies die in their first month of life.

Burnet’s Senior Researcher, Dr Michelle Scoullar, has been working on the Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies program since 2014, and having lived and worked in Papua New Guinea, understands just how difficult it can be to improve a system that is so complex.

“There are many gaps in our understanding, but through our Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies program we are already identifying some of the key issues that are impacting on mothers and babies that can be targeted to improve their health,” Dr Scoullar says.

“As part of our first study, we have recruited 700 pregnant women in East New Britain Province and we’re following them from their first antenatal clinic visit, through to their labour, and then also seeing them and their baby at one month, six months and at 12 months.

“At each visit we’re taking a whole series of blood tests and swabs, and growth measurements to identify any issues such as infectious diseases, anaemia, nutritional deficiencies and stunting.”

Photo: Some of Burnet’s Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies research team including (right to left) Rose Suruka, Lucy Au and Elizabeth Walep together with Sr. Jacklyn Telo.

We’re also interviewing families and healthcare workers identifying barriers to families accessing available health care, and looking at ways to improve the quality of services currently provided, all factors that ultimately influence outcomes for mothers and babies.

One key issue that has arisen from our study is the significant lack of knowledge about family planning.

“Only one in four women interviewed as part of this study had used a modern method of contraception and we’ve found there is a huge demand for these methods of contraception but less than half of the demand is being met,” Dr Scoullar says.

“Supporting women and couples to plan for healthy timing and spacing of births is a cost-effective approach to reducing maternal and infant mortality and has proven benefits not just in preventing death, but also for gender equality, educational attainment and poverty reduction.”

“Were only part-way through the Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies program and very limited by funding, so any additional support from the Australian or Papua New Guinea community will help us make a huge difference to women and children in Papua New Guinea.”

Dr Michelle Scoullar is a paediatric doctor who is also completing her PhD as part of the Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies program.

For more information about the Burnet Institute and Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies or to make a donation go to burnet.edu.au or call (03) 9282 2111

 

Choosing where to give birth is one of the biggest decisions you will make during your pregnancy. Whether you are contemplating public or private care, there are several important factors, as well as possible alternatives, to consider when choosing the best maternity care option for you and your family.

Finding out you are going to be a parent is a very exciting time, but making decisions about the right maternity care for you and your new baby can be a bit overwhelming. We take a look at some of the maternity care options available.

Private Care

If you have maternity care included in your private health package, you may wish to choose private care for you and your baby. If you receive care through the private system, you choose a private obstetrician, who will care for you from your antenatal appointments, right through to the birth and postnatal check-up.

Dr Stephen Lane, president of the National Association of Specialist Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (NASOG), says in the private system, the baby is delivered by very experienced caregivers, with obstetricians going through six or more years of specialist training, on top of their five or six-year medical degree.

He says the most common reason many people choose to have a private obstetrician is continuity of care.

Dr Lane says some considerations expectant parents think about when choosing an obstetrician include:

Gender (for some women, choosing a female obstetrician is important)

Location (“Is there a suitable carpark that is accessible? Are the rooms easy to get to? I think these things are important to consider,” says Dr Lane)

The obstetrician’s desk staff (“If the desk staff are friendly and approachable that is a good sign,” Dr Lane says. “It gives a good feel that they are a mirror of the person you will be seeing.”)

Cost (Dr Lane says the majority of obstetricians and gynaecologists in Australia charge well below the Australian Medical Association’s rates, with the average out-of-pocket cost for delivering a baby throughout Australia around $2000).

Note: Ask about your chosen obstetrician’s fee schedule and check with your health cover provider to find out exactly what is covered so you can be prepared for any out-of-pocket expenses.
“Australia is recognised as one of the safest countries in the world to have a baby, and this is a reflection of the world class education our specialist obstetricians and gynaecologists undertake, with many completing more than 12 years of study and training,” he says. “NASOG believes that the care provided by specialist obstetricians and gynaecologists is worth every cent to the patients who enjoy improved health outcomes as a result of our professional care.”

Katie Lavercombe says she chose a private hospital because she wanted to be able to access any pain relief that she wanted during childbirth and was afraid her wishes might not be respected at a public hospital.

“I loved giving birth at a private hospital, the care was great, it was never too busy, and the staff were attentive,” she says. “We loved being able to stay together as a couple and have time to bond with each new baby.”

Katie is currently pregnant with her fourth child and does not have the right level of cover to choose a private hospital this time, so is receiving care through the public system.

“We are utilising the public system, and while it is full of hard working doctors and midwives, there are long wait times at each appointment, meaning a large chunk of my time is taken up by waiting for medical appointments,” she says.

Crystal Henderson decided to have her daughter at a public hospital because her GP recommended it. “We had planned to go Private, but when he recommended it, along with many of our friends, who shared their very positive birth stories after giving birth in public hospitals, we thought we should at least look at it,” she says. “When we went to the public hospital, and they took us through the rooms and birth suites, we were blown away.”

Ms Henderson says she was very happy with the care she received. “There (were) some minor complications during the labour and I needed extra medical assistance, however I felt very safe, in control and informed of everything the whole time,” she says

Shared Antenatal Care

If you have a great relationship with your trusted family GP, then shared antenatal care might be an option to consider. In a nutshell, antenatal shared care involves a woman’s appointments being shared between maternity care providers (usually GPs, midwives and obstetricians), and is most commonly between a GP and maternity staff in a public hospital.

Dr Wendy Burton, chair of The Royal Australian College of General Practitioners’ antenatal/postnatal care specific interest group, says women choose to have shared antenatal care with their GP for a number of reasons.

“They may have a good relationship with their GP and are confident that they will be well taken care of,” she says. “The GP’s rooms may be closer or more convenient than the hospital/obstetrician or GPs may work extended hours, making appointments easier to plan around work commitments.


“Antenatal shared care involves a woman’s appointments being shared between maternity care providers – usually GPs, midwives and obstetricians.”

“The best models of shared antenatal care involve a collaborative team effort with well-informed GPs communicating effectively and efficiently with the other providers of care,” she adds. “If your usual GP is not up-to-date with current best practice for antenatal care, they may be able to recommend another GP who is better placed to provide care for you.

Work is currently underway to create digital records and an app for women, which will give additional options for the sharing of the pregnancy health record.”

Your Support

Who will be your support person when you welcome your baby into the world?

Many women will choose a partner, family member (such as their Mum) or a close friend to be their support person. However, there are some options to consider.

For example, a midwifery student is a good choice. They will attend antenatal appointments with you and, if you consent, can also attend the birth.

Another support option is a doula (a professional, non-medical birth and/or postnatal companion who is able to provide continuity of care, and emotional and physical support during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period).

Michelle Perkins, chairperson of Australian Doulas, says many women hire a doula after experiencing a negative or traumatic previous birth experience.

“Some hire a doula to help them understand the maternity/obstetric systems. Some hire a doula to provide emotional and physical support if they do not have a partner, or if they believe their partner may also need support and guidance.”

Home Birth

Do you want to have your baby at home?

Grace Sweeney, coordinator at Homebirth Australia, says a woman who chooses to birth at home is guaranteed to receive continuity of care from a known midwife.

Ms Sweeney says the most important thing that a woman considering homebirth needs to do is to seek out a midwife as soon as possible.

“Nearly a decade of a sustained witch hunt against homebirth midwives has meant that midwives in private practice are scarce, and book out early,” she says. “It’s worth doing research on midwives in your area before you’re pregnant and making a booking as soon as your pregnancy is confirmed.”

Dr Lane says NASOG does not support home births in Australia.

Sarah Purvey decided she wanted a homebirth for her first child. “I had two private midwives,” Sarah says, when asked about her care. “A primary midwife came to my house regularly in pregnancy, so I built a very close relationship with her in that time and all the options for tests and injections were managed by her, with my consent and our discussions about them first. My primary midwife was there during the birth and then I had a second midwife attend shortly before my babies were born. For my first birth, I was also supported by a private obstetrician. I saw her a few times during pregnancy and she was open to supporting me, if I needed to transfer to hospital, if I needed more medical support from home.”

She says her experiences were wonderful and empowering.

“My first birth was very tough, long and in the end, I did transfer to the private hospital with my obstetrician, as I had a long second stage. In the end, I had an episiotomy, which couldn’t be done at home. This was handled beautifully by my midwives and by my obstetrician. I spent about 30 minutes continuing to labour in the private hospital, once I arrived, then we all discussed the option to do an episiotomy. I consented and this was done well. I felt wonderful when my baby arrived, despite 18 hours of active labour and a previous night of no labour.”

“Second time was much easier – four hours of active labour and my baby was born in to the water, straight into my arms and onto my chest.”

Having a baby? Before you start shortlisting names or preparing the nursery it is important to work out where you are going to bring your bundle of joy into the world. We look into options to consider when it comes to deciding on the right maternity care option for you and your baby.

When I walked into my GP’s office (positive pregnancy test in-hand) the first questions I was asked was regarding my choice of maternity care. ‘Congratulations! So, do you have health insurance? Do you have a preference of obstetrician and hospital?’ I must admit, my head was spinning…I had found out I was going to be a parent an hour prior, and was already being asked about how and where I wanted to have my baby. However, it is a big decision – and is ideally something that you should research even before you get pregnant. But what is the right decision for you? We look into the options – whether you are considering public or private care or a home birth.

Public or private? Dr Gary Swift, Vice President of National Association of Specialist Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (NASOG), says all who are involved in the area of pregnancy and childbirth strive for optimal care and outcomes – however the public and private models are inherently different.

Private care
If you choose private care, you get to choose an obstetrician to care for you throughout your pregnancy and for the birth of your child.

Dr Swift says private care is based on a one-to-one relationship between the woman and her specialist for antenatal care, detection of problems and ultimately safe and timely delivery. “Personal wishes and concerns are easily addressed when the same clinician is involved at each step,” he says. “This relationship is important equally for the most straightforward and complex of pregnancies. Issues of primary elective Caesarean Section if desired tend to be more easily accommodated in the private sector.”

An advantage of choosing private cover is that you usually have the option of a private room (having a bathroom to yourself after birth is always an added bonus!) and many private hospitals give you the option of having your partner stay with you.  The rooms (and meals) are usually of a higher quality than at a public hospital (some rooms are like lovely hotel rooms) as a general rule, allow new mothers longer stays after birth than public hospitals or some have arrangements with 5 star hotels for part of the post-partum stay.

There is often some out-of-pocket costs associated with private care, so find out your chosen obstetrician’s fee schedule and check with your health cover provider exactly what is covered so you can be prepared.

Note: Most private health providers will have a waiting period for obstetrics (pregnancy) of around 12 months, so if you will need to have this option on your health insurance policy in advance (before you get pregnant) if you want private care. (Check with your health insurance provider about their waiting periods).

Private care pros:

– You have one-on-one care of your chosen obstetrician

– Many private hospitals offer private rooms so your partner can stay overnight with you

– Generally, private hospitals allow new mothers to stay longer after the birth of their baby for recovery.

Private care cons: Having a baby at a private hospital is more expensive than in a public hospital (check with your health fund about what you are covered for).

 

Ultimately it will be a personal choice and for a successful professional relationship, issues of personality, trust, experience and professionalism will be foremost.

Mother-of-three Monique Wilson chose private care for all three of her children and says she would highly recommend this care option. “I chose to have my baby in a private hospital because I had cover and liked the idea of having the same obstetrician through my pregnancy and picking one that I felt comfortable with,” she says. “I ended up having my first child six weeks premmie and it was at my obs appointment that the obstetrician picked up an irregular heartbeat. The bill for his stay in hospital was $15,000 and we didn’t pay a cent. I also enjoyed having my own room and we were given a choice from a buffet for all meals. I loved the treatment we received.”

“I also did a hypnobirthing course to help me overcome any fear of birth and to empower me to bring my daughter in to the world with the help of my husband and a midwife.”

Public care
“Public hospitals fundamentally have to deliver the best service possible to a larger population within the government prescribed budget,” says Dr Swift. “Hence, antenatal care is delivered in a clinic format in which a different attendant is seen on each occasion and varying levels of qualification from intern to specialist. Specialists tend to see the more complex and high risk cases. Long waits are not uncommon in these clinics.

“Labour and delivery management will depend on level of risk and complexity with staff allocated accordingly. Midwives primarily care for low risk women for normal birthing and junior doctors attend for suturing of tears or episiotomies. Trainee specialists provide the majority of services under the supervision of qualified specialists.

“Short stays are the norm with home visit services often covering breast feeding issues as lactation may not have been established before early discharge. Primary elective (maternal request) Caesarean Sections are not usually available in the public system. There is no cost for Public Hospital Services for Australian Medicare Card holders so this will be the only affordable option for many, especially without private health insurance.”

Jodi O’Callaghan decided on a birthing centre (through a public hospital) for the birth of her daughter.  “After falling pregnant I looked in to my options for birthing and decided I wanted to be in control of my birth, with as little intervention as possible,” she says. “I also did a hypnobirthing course to help me overcome any fear of birth and to empower me to bring my daughter in to the world with the help of my husband and a midwife.

“When you go through a Birth Centre you are encouraged to labour at home as much as possible and attempt drug free if the labour progresses as it should be. That coupled with my hypnobirthing techniques to draw on meant that by the time I got to the Birth Centre I was 8cm dilated. Two and a half hours later my daughter Stella was born! I had some tearing and needed surgery, but I had achieved my birth plan goal of being drug free for the birth.

“I was in the Birth Centre for no more than three hours and then spent one hour in surgery, under what I found to be excellent care. I was then transferred to a private room in the maternity ward where I spent five nights being supported by midwives to get the hang of breastfeed and get to know my baby. I had not requested a private room, so it was a lovely surprise. I received excellent care from the public system and was not out of pocket for any expenses. If I have another baby, I would not hesitate to go through the public system again.”

Public care pros:

– There is usually no cost when you have your baby through the public system

– Mothers-to-be with low risk pregnancies may have the option of giving birth at associated birthing centres, adjoined to the hospital

– Public hospitals usually have lower intervention rates (such as caesareans etc).

Public care cons:

– You do not get a choice of carer and often will see many staff throughout your pregnancy and birth

– Often have shared rooms

– Partner cannot stay overnight

– Short hospital stays for the new mother and baby after birth.

“Every child has the right to a safe birth and every mother the right to survive labour and delivery.”

Home birth
Some women choose to give birth at home with the support of a midwife – and Cherie Nixon,  coordinator of Homebirth Australia, says being in the comfort of your own home with a good support team  can create a calming birth experience. She says being in familiar surroundings can be good pain relief in itself – and at home women can also use a birth pool, TENS machine, massage and natural therapies like aromatherapy.

Cherie says choosing a home birth offers great one-on-one care – offering support throughout your pregnancy, labour and birth, as well as postnatal care, with some visits until the baby is six weeks old. “You have your own midwife caring for you throughout your pregnancy – your midwife knows your past and your medical history. They come to your house for appointments, which is great if you have other children, and it is a good relationship offering one-on-one care,” she says.  Cherie says that word-of-mouth is the best way to find a midwife – however, you can go to the Homebirth Australia website, www.homebirthaustralia.org and find a midwife using their ‘search for a midwife’ search option.

Cherie says most midwives recommend a woman book into a hospital prior to the birth, so if in the event the woman needs to be transferred to hospital during the labour, the hospital already has the mother-to-be’s details on-hand. It should be noted that a midwife cannot administer an epidural or perform a caesarean section, so if the mother wants pain relief or if complications arise, they will have to be admitted to hospital and their midwife can go to hospital with them as a support person.

Dr Swift says NASOG does not support home birth. “The intrinsic nature of childbirth is that although it is a wonderful event for most, it is intrinsically dangerous and unpredictably so in some women,” he says. “Low risk can become high risk with minimal notice. There are so many potential problems which can occur and lead to the loss of the mother of baby or both which cannot be reliably predicted or catered for in the out of hospital environment. It is possible to understand the desire of women to birth in an environment which is secure and familiar, however the potential for tragedy in NASOG’s view supersedes this.

“Every child has the right to a safe birth and every mother the right to survive labour and delivery. As clinicians we have the responsibility to provide this. We know that despite our best efforts adverse outcome occur in hospitals, but we at least have the opportunity and potential to rescue adverse events and monitor babies to prevent hypoxic injuries. We know from data in countries where out-of-hospital births occur that the maternal and neonatal mortality is more than 10 times higher than it is in hospital births. Ultimately it comes down to compromising the birth environment for safety for the mother and child.”

As a nurse, Jackie says choosing a homebirth was an easy decision. “I guess this has come from my experiences professionally and my knowledge through my profession of all the benefits that come with a homebirth,” she says. “It was really very important to me to have a drug free birth, not because I wanted to be perceived as a superhero or anything other than a woman having a baby, but because of the benefits that a drug-free, natural birth brings.

“There are less bonding and breastfeeding issues with mums who have fully connected with their bodies and babies throughout labour. The best place to have a drug-free birth is at home, as there are no temptations to be had. The gas isn’t in the corner as a constant reminder of what you could have, the doctors and midwives are not in your face saying things like “well the anaesthetist is here now so if you think you might want an epidural later you best have one now so he doesn’t have to come back!”.

“Also at home it is your environment, you are in control of every part of it, you have invited people into your home to help you have your baby, as opposed to hospital where midwives are assigned to you, people wander in and out of the birthing rooms and it can become a bit of a circus at times, this I knew wouldn’t work for me. I knew I needed privacy, quiet and control. And then finally because my partner felt like he could be a bigger part of the experience at home rather than hospital, especially afterwards, he wasn’t going to be rushed out the door because it isn’t visiting hours, he can help care for our new baby in the comfort of our own home and bond with our baby 24/7 like me.

“I personally don’t have anything to compare to as this was my first baby but my homebirth water birth was the best experience of my life. I was never once scared, I never considered transfer to hospital, I never thought I couldn’t do it.”

Home birth pros – You are able to stay in the comfort of your own home – You are under the care of a midwife throughout your pregnancy and birth – You get to choose who is present at your birth.

Home birth cons – Aside from natural measures, pain relief (such as an epidural) is not available if you decide you want it – If there is an emergency you will have to be transferred to a hospital.

 

A mother, sister or close friend are great options – if you think they are someone who will be a calming influence and be supportive of you.

The power of choice
No matter what care option you choose for you and your baby it is important that you are happy and comfortable, so if you are not happy with your experience you can change hospitals, obstetricians or switch between private and public care for subsequent pregnancies.

You might choose to switch between private and public for subsequent pregnancies if:

1. Your health insurance waiting period is over (you might want to go for private care if the reason you chose public care for a previous pregnancy was because of the waiting period).

2. If you had a caesarean for your first baby and want to try for a vaginal birth after caesarean (a VBAC).  Not all obstetricians will recommend trying for a VBAC, and may recommend you go to a public hospital or to try another obstetrician.

Mother-of-four Angela Davies has experienced private and public care – choosing a private hospital for her children Aiden (6), Charlotte (4) and Bryce (10 months), and a public hospital for her daughter, Elizabeth (2).

“The main reason for my original feeling about wanting to go private was seeing my sisters have their children,” Angela says. “My oldest sister went public for her second child because they couldn’t afford the health insurance and I remember her saying she found sharing a room was not pleasant. While she always went to the feeding room to feed to keep the noise down for her roommate – her roommate wouldn’t and her baby cried a lot.

“So my impression of birthing was that it was amazing and if you wanted you could pay for things that would make it easier to transition in to motherhood such as a private room. I also didn’t like the idea of healing and having boobs out and having to try and be quiet for others if I was sharing a room.  So I paid for private health cover long before I started having children.”

Angela’s first child Aiden, was born via caesarean section at a private hospital. For her second child, Charlotte, she changed doctors (at another private hospital) so she could try for a VBAC. With her third, Elizabeth, she was living rurally and chose to give birth at the local public hospital. For her fourth baby, Bryce, Angela chose to go back to the private hospital where Charlotte was born, so she could be closer to her family.

“All the actual birthing experiences were all pretty much the same,” she says. “I never saw a difference in care at that stage. I preferred private to public after birth though. In the private hospitals there was more ‘luxury’ (bigger rooms, bigger beds, carpeted floors, a small fridge and my own tea making facility). Being able to make my own tea at any time was important. I also felt a bit lost and forgotten at the public.

“At the allocated rest hours the nurses would sit and chat at the nurses’ station, which wouldn’t allow me to sleep. I left the hospital after a day and a half because I felt I would get better care at home with cups of teas from my husband but stayed all my allowed days in the private hospitals. As the birthing experience was no different I would advise women to only go private if the aftercare is important to them. The nursing and medical staff do their best no matter what hospital so that to me isn’t a consideration.”

Your support person
The person you choose to be your support partner during the birth is also an important part of your maternity care choice. Your options include:

Partner or family member/friend: Many women will choose to have their partner as their birth support person. However, if you do not have a partner, if for any reason your partner cannot be there (because of work commitments, travel, illness etc) or if you and your partner feel like you would be better supported with someone else present, you can choose to have someone else at the birth. A mother, sister or close friend are great options – if you think they are someone who will be a calming influence and be supportive of you. Sometimes a woman may want more than one support person (for example her partner and her mother), so check with your hospital about how many support people are able to accompany you (often if you are having a caesarean only one support person will be able to accompany you into theatre).

Midwifery student: This involves a midwifery student attending some antenatal appointments with you, being present at your baby’s birth and seeing you in the days/weeks after the birth. For the midwifery student, attending appointments and the birth offers invaluable experience and, for the mother-to-be, offers another support. You can enquire about having a midwifery student join you for your pregnancy and birth experience, by contacting the School of Nursing and Midwifery at Curtin University, Notre Dame University or Edith Cowan University. If you decide you do not want a student to be present at the birth after all, you can opt out of the program at any time.

Doula: A doula (or birth attendant) is a non-medical person offering support to parents throughout pregnancy and birth. A doula does not give medical advice or perform any medical procedures, but can assist a labouring woman and her partner with non-medical ways to calm and comfort, such as massage and breathing. To find a doula or for more information, go to the Australian Doula College website, www.australiandoulacollege.com.au

Having a baby in Perth? Here are some options:

1. King Edward Memorial Hospital for Women – King Edward Memorial Hospital (public hospital) offers a wide range of care for women, and women considered to have a high risk pregnancy will often be referred here (the hospital is equipped with a neo-natal nursery for sick or premature infants).  There is also a Family Birth Centre on site for women with low-risk pregnancies.

2. Osborne Park Hospital – Osborne Park hospital is a public hospital offering care for women with low to moderate risk pregnancies. A special feature at Osborne Park Hospital is the ‘Snoezelen Room’ for maternity patients, which promotes relaxation through the use of lighting, sound and aromatic oils.

3. St John of God Hospital Mt Lawley – St John of God Hospital Mt Lawley (formerly Mercy Hospital) is a private hospital offering modern birthing suites and home-style accommodation, with double beds in all private rooms, allowing partners to stay together. It also has a level 2 special care nursery if your baby requires.

4. Joondalup Health Campus – Public and private patients are accommodated in this facility, with Joondalup Health Campus (public) and Joondalup Private Hospital located at the same location.

5. St John of God Hospital Subiaco – St John of God Hospital in Subiaco is a private hospital which sees more than 3,500 babies born every year. It features a level 2 neo natal nursery if your baby requires. Take a virtual tour through the website:
http://www.sjog.org.au/hospitals/subiaco_hospital/hospital_services/maternity/virtual_tour.aspx

6. St John of God Murdoch – St John of God Murdoch is a private hospital The St Mary Ward features 29 private suites and three shared suites. A level 2 neo natal nursery is available if your baby requires.  You can take a virtual tour of the facilities by going to the hospital’s website:
http://www.sjog.org.au/hospitals/murdoch_hospital/hospital_services/maternity/facilities.aspx

7. Glengarry Private Hospital – Glengarry Private Hospital features spacious birthing suites and features both family double bed accommodation, as well as single rooms. It also has a level 2 special care nursery if your baby requires.

Other options include: St John of God Hospital in Midland (this hospital offers public and private services) – Fiona Stanley Hospital – Armadale Kelmscott Memorial Hospital – Bentley Hospital – Rockingham General Hospital

Information on public hospitals in Perth can be found at the following website: http://www.healthywa.wa.gov.au/Articles/F_I/Having-a-baby-in-a-public-metropolitan-hospital-in-Perth

Some selected hospitals offer the ‘Look @ My Baby’ service. For a small fee, this service enables you to invite family and friends to see your baby without even coming to the hospital! Your family (even those interstate or overseas) can see the baby via a secure live video stream (straight from a special ‘cot cam’) to capture those first yawns and stretches and special moments. To find out more information go to https://www.lookatmybaby.com/

Blood, guts, and shrieks, oh my. Child birth can be such a beautiful thing… But oh so terrifying. 

The Child and my Beloved had skedaddled to the park for an hour – THANK YOU, GOD – so I grabbed the stash of chocolates that no one else had yet found – THANKS AGAIN, GOD – and hit the sofa for some mindless net surfing and sugar-high-ing.

The first article I saw was about a woman who had just given birth but managed, somehow, the stupendous achievement of looking AH-MAY-ZING one hour later. She looked so amazing, in fact, that someone took a photo of her and flung it around the internet for the world’s admiration.

Ahem.

Okay, so she looked glorious, and she was half-naked and smiling in some frilly white-knicker concoction. Good for her. But for feck’s sake, she’d just spent nine months growing a human, who is probably the size of a couple of pumpkins, and then however many hours screaming and bellowing as she pushed that two-pumpkin-human out of her down-belows. Unless she did one of those silent birth things – WHO DOES THESE AND HOW? – and didn’t scream or bellow. It doesn’t matter, really, the woman had a baby and that is the shining achievement, not how she looked one hour later.

Isn’t having a baby enough, nowadays? I seem to recall, hazily thank goodness, that labour and birth was more than enough achievement for one day, but I am not one of those I-AM-WOMAN-HEAR-ME-ROAR types about birthing. I’m the one who went green as other mothers blithely told me their birthing war stories – blood, guts and zombies – and wished, hopelessly, that the goddamn stork was the delivery mechanism, not me.

In the birthing suite, before things turned all Horror Movie, I could hear another labouring woman screaming in agony.

“What is that noise?” I asked my Beloved, palely.

He looked panicked. “What noise?” he said, ridiculously.

“That HOWLING AND SCREAMING,” I yelled.

My Beloved put his best poker face on and stared at me unblinking. “Ah, that noise,” he said. “That noise is a cat.”

I began to pace, as the woman in the suite next to me erupted into a crescendo of auditory agony.

“That is not a bloody cat,” I said. “That is a woman giving birth.”

My husband said nothing.

“WELL GO AND TELL HER TO STOP,” I said. “She is making me VERY nervous, and it’s EXTREMELY inconsiderate of her. HURRY UP!”

 

Maybe she was birthing a seven-pumpkin baby, so I can’t really blame her, but, my good-ness, she set me on a terrible path.

My husband silently considered how to placate both me and the screaming Cat Woman. Cat Woman kept yowling. Maybe she was birthing a seven-pumpkin baby, so I can’t really blame her, but, my goodness, she set me on a terrible path.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to go home NOW. I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE. TELL THAT CAT WOMAN TO STOP!”

My Beloved stood in front of the door. “You can do this, sweetheart,” he said.

“No,” I said, “I actually can’t. And don’t tell me I have to. WHY DON’T YOU DO IT!? WHY DO I HAVE TO DO IT!? YOU DO IT! YOU DO IT!!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING? YOU HAVE THE BABY, I’VE DONE EVERYTHING ELSE!”

Clearly, it was the beginning of a very downward spiral. It went on. And on. For hours. It got worse. There was blood and guts and zombies. Some Dracula and a few clown masks. Basically, it was all your horror movies rolled into one.

And then, at the end, there was him. The Child. Our Grace. The most beautiful thing we’d ever seen. As beautiful as the day. A couple of pumpkins’ worth. Amazing.

And I looked like hell, for days, years even. I spent all my time in ugly flannelette PJs, feeding the Child, who had an abnormally large appetite, and not sleeping because he never slept. Ever. And I didn’t give a hoot, because I’d grown my own pumpkin, survived the horror movie birth and he was mine.

Well, I probably did give a hoot, actually, but I was too sleep deprived to do anything about it.

So there’s that, I guess. All of that.