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5 reasons why Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s speech is empowering young women all around the world.

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During the past week when you’ve opened up your Facebook feed and scrolled through a chain of coronavirus articles, you may have stumbled across the phrase,
“Having a daughter does not make a man decent. Having a wife does not make a decent man. Treating people with dignity and respect makes a decent man.”

These were just a few of the moving words that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (also known as AOC), the first-term Democrat from New York, states in her speech on the floor of the House of Representatives last week. The speech came after Republican Ted Yoho, approached Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on the steps of the Capitol, having just voted, and called her “disgusting,” “out of her mind,” and worse…

Too often, when American politicians find their way onto our newsfeeds, it is for the wrong reasons. However, AOC’s recent speech is trending for all the right reasons and here’s why –

  1. She is the youngest woman to ever be elected into American congress and is standing on the floor of the House of Representatives defending herself against a much older, male in power.

American politics is dominated by disreputable male characters. President Trump has been held accountable on multiple occasions for his abusive language and poor attitude towards women. He has built a Republican party that reflects these traits and AOC’s encounter with Yoho is a prime example.
For AOC to stand on the floor of the House of Representatives, as the youngest female in history to be elected into congress and tell her narrative of how Mr. Yoho approached her with his male colleague and called her, “disgusting,” “out of her mind,” “and “a f*cking b*tch,” is incredibly brave. To then follow this recount of events by defending herself, ignites a spark of empowerment in the hearts of all women.

 

  1. Her motive to speak out about the incident was to ensure young girls do not excuse or accept verbal abuse from men. 

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez states in her speech that Representative Yoho’s comments “were not deeply hurtful or piercing” to her. She explains that she has encountered this harassment in all areas throughout her life.

She was “going to pack it up and go home,” as it was just another day in her life as a woman. However, when she heard Yoho making excuses for his comments towards her, she decided to speak out.
“I could not allow my nieces, I could not allow the little girls I go home to, I could not allow victims of verbal abuse, and worse, to see that, to see that as an excuse, and to see our congress accept it as legitimate and accept it as an apology.”

Her motive for taking to the microphone was to stand with younger women, ensuring they do not tolerate or accept verbal attacks from men.

 

  1. She calls out all men for using their wives, daughters, and family as shields of protection for inexcusable abuse.

Perhaps the most inspiring words of AOC’s speech were, “Having a daughter does not make a man decent. Having a wife does not make a decent man. Treating people with dignity and respect makes a decent man.”

Mr. Yoho attempted to excuse his behaviour by saying that he has a wife and a daughter and therefore, is a decent and respectful person. However, AOC quickly invalidated his comment when she states that she, “is someone’s daughter too,” and no child, no women, no man, no person, should ever be spoken to with such disrespect.

 

  1. She acknowledges that this does not only happen to women in politics, but women in all professions, in multiple different areas of their lives, and it is not okay. 

Before being elected into congress, AOC majored in international relations, was an activist, and worked as a waitress and a bartender. She mentions her previous occupations in her speech and states that she has “ridden the subways and walked the streets of New York City and this kind of language is not new.”

She unites all women by acknowledging that in some way, shape, or form, we have all been in her position and experienced verbal abuse, and that is the problem. AOC acknowledging that there is an issue and using her position to vocalise it is encouraging.

 

  1. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez doesn’t only defend herself but defends principle, and countless women, not only in America, but across the globe.  

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez closed her speech with, “Lastly, what I want to express to Mr. Yoho is gratitude.” Because he showed the world that any man, no matter their title, their position of power, if they have a daughter or if they have a wife, can still accost women without remorse. It happens everywhere, every single day, and by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez calling him out in her speech, she defends, inspires, and empowers us all.

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REAL-LIFE MUMS

If love could have saved you

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This is a story about lost love, grief and the strength of one mother to keep going on after losing her husband the the father of her kids in a sudden and fatal accident.

On Saturday 25 June 2011, Graham Santich kissed his wife and two young children goodbye and left for work. He never returned home. A tragic accident on Perth’s Mitchell Freeway left a family shattered and struggling to find a new sense of normal without him.

The Santich family were in a state of bliss with their tenth wedding anniversary celebrations quickly followed by the birth of their second child Darcy, a much loved brother for three year old Charlotte. Sadly, their time together as a family of four was to be brief. Just eight weeks.

Michelle, still recovering from the caesarean delivery, vividly remembers the phone call from police telling her Graham had been in a car accident and how her world stopped in an instant.

“I have thought back many times to things that happened that day,” she recalls. “I was at the shops with the two kids when the police called and told me Graham had been in an accident and I needed to get somebody to drive me to Royal Perth Hospital as soon as I could. All I could think was that he was not going to make it and had horrific images going through my mind of what he might look like when I finally got to him.”

Her parents rallied to her aid, and soon they were met by uniformed police at the emergency department doors and led to a small conference room.

He was perfect. His eyes were closed. He looked like he was sleeping. There looked to be nothing wrong with him.

“It was then that I really knew,” she says. “I knew he was gone and the police confirmed my worst fear.”

Reliving the events, Michelle recalls seeing Graham for the first time after what seemed liked an eternity, on a hospital bed, in a hospital gown, with not a scratch on him.

“He was perfect,” she says. “His eyes were closed. He looked like he was sleeping. There looked to be nothing wrong with him.

“I am grateful he looked the way he did but it was also very confusing, because what was in front of me didn’t match the images in my head.”

The details surrounding Graham’s death quickly raised more questions than answers. Police explained their suspicions that Graham had passed out while driving. It was a relatively minor accident, with minimal damage to the car. He became a case for the Coroner. And so began the long wait for answers.

The question of organ donation was raised and consent was given to retrieve his corneas. DonateLife quickly became the liaison between Michelle and the Coroner because, despite the retrieval, a transfer could not be made to a recipient until a cause of death was found.

In the weeks after the accident, as Michelle and her family struggled to come to terms with their loss, DonateLife offered counselling and information packs which included Bunnings vouchers to purchase a tree to grow in his memory. Michelle now utilises the free counselling service, which also provides some counselling to young Charlotte, and attends support groups.

Michelle describes one of the things that plays constantly on her mind is the memories the children will have of Graham and how the organ donation services have offered them ways to make special connections to him, including adding his name to a memorial wall at Lake Monger honouring all Western Australians that have made the ultimate gift and donated their tissues and organs.

“Since Graham passed we have always told Charlotte that her daddy is magic and lives amongst the stars,” she says. “So when DonateLife adopted a star for WA Donors, it gave us a place to send our goodnight wishes. Charlotte is always so eager to see if her daddy’s star will be the first one out.”

“As time goes on I know I am going to become more my own person and less the person I was with him. I don’t want to but I can’t stop it. I hate this new sense of normal.”

“For me, putting his name on the wall and having the coordinates to a star gives us more connections to him, more than just our memories. The kids will always know their daddy was someone special and did something wonderful. It gives us places to go and prompts us to tell stories about him.”

But it is the lack of personal memories the children will have that causes Michelle angst, in particular that Darcy will never have memories of his own and eventually Charlotte’s will fade.

“While family and friends will tell stories and teach Darcy about his dad, the difference will always be that Charlotte will have three years worth of photos with him, while Darcy has very few,” she says.

“I still go over the accident in my head and ask why him, what could I have done differently, worrying he was alone and if he suffered, and my anger that no one stopped to help him.

“I hope Darcy will develop a strong connection with Graham through our family, our love and our memories. I know that Charlotte will always feel close to him, she was his little girl and they thought the world of each other.”

Michelle has tried hard to establish traditions in his memory such as taking the kids to the beach and collecting shells on Graham’s birthday, something he loved to do with Charlotte. On his anniversary there is the Crackerjack Cup lawn bowls tournament at the Fremantle Bowls Club, the place of his wake and where he spent many hours as a keen player.

Meanwhile, balloons and rainbows have become symbolic with balloons often released in his memory and rainbows bridging a connection to his unforgettable grin.

“Any chance I can get to keep remembering him, I do it. I want to feel like he is still part of our family and to include him in our lives even if though he isn’t here,” she says.

The question of organ donation was raised and consent was given to retrieve his corneas. DonateLife quickly became the liaison between Michelle and the Coroner because, despite the retrieval, a transfer could not be made to a recipient until a cause of death was found.

Listening to Michelle describe how she is learning to live with only half a heart without her soul mate, it is obvious the love and adoration this couple shared. Michelle describes Graham as loyal and loved by many.

“He was one of those people who made friends wherever he went,” she explains. “He always had time for his family and was passionate about sport and music of all genres, and he was exceptionally dedicated to his landscaping business. But above all he was thrilled to be a dad, uncle and godfather and was always full of life when he was with the kids.”

Michelle recalls how she often had to pull the reins to get him to hurry along putting Charlotte to bed after numerous songs, books and giggling, and how at birthday parties he was termed King of the Kids, usually swamped by a pile of ankle bitters vying for his attention. But for Graham, it was never a chore. He saw it as a privilege and revelled in it.

“As much as I still expect him to walk through the door each night after work and sometimes still pick up my phone to send him a text, I have settled into this new life and it is hard to accept, especially because it is starting to feel normal without him. As time goes on I know I am going to become more my own person and less the person I was with him. I don’t want to but I can’t stop it. I hate this new sense of normal,” she says with a heavy heart.

An answer to his death finally came almost five months after the accident. The Coroners Court ruled that Graham died from choking. Michelle still finds it incredibly hard to accept this simple answer.

She, like many others, suspected the Used car, which he had owned just two days, had played a part in his passing. But other than perhaps isolating him from vital assistance, three independent mechanics ruled the car played no role.

“I have had lots of appointments with police, DonateLife and even the Coroners Court to try deal with my ongoing confusion about how he died,” she says. “I still go over the accident in my head and ask why him, what could I have done differently, worrying he was alone and if he suffered, and my anger that no one stopped to help him. More recently I have struggled with the terminology used to represent his cause of death.”

As horrible as the circumstances, Michelle marvels at the love and beauty she has discovered exists in the world through the seemingly endless lengths of support and friendship offered, at times from complete strangers.

As horrible as the circumstances, Michelle marvels at the love and beauty she has discovered exists in the world through the seemingly endless lengths of support and friendship offered, at times from complete strangers. She explains there have been donations to a trust fund for the children, grocery shopping and cooked meals, Graham’s business suppliers wiping their bills, his favourite football team signing a card and the drummer of one of his favourite bands visiting and having a mini jam session with Charlotte, and everything in between.

“I know people often didn’t know what to say or do but somehow they got the balance right. And clearly the willingness to help me and the kids is a testament to the person Graham was and the influence he left on the world,” she says.

And so the saying goes, and never rings more true than here, if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

 

For more information on becoming an organ donor with DonateLife visit www.donatelife.gov.au

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