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You can stick to a budget and still have everything you need with some clever planning.

Welcoming a new bundle of joy is exciting, but with so many products on the market the prospect of preparing for life with a newborn can be completely overwhelming. Fear not, Offspring has created the ultimate guide to help you sort the essentials from the gimmicks.

 

The Australian Institute of Family Studies suggests a first child can cost between $3,000 and $13,000 in the first year alone – a marked difference between thrift and indulgence when it comes to preparing for your little one’s arrival. The truth is you can stick to a budget and still have everything you need with some clever planning.

 

Tip: Talk to other mums about what was useful and what was useless. They may be willing to loan you items, just check the safety standards and condition.

Tips for buying on a budget:

  • Question every purchase: is it really essential?
  • Plan ahead to take advantage of sales
  • Buy in bulk especially nappies and wipes
  • Borrow items
  • Decide on the brand/model and then check local Buy and Sell pages, eBay and baby markets.

Out and about

Before you hit the shops, what do you actually need to buy? Here’s a list of what a newborn needs:

Heading out with a newborn is like packing for a small camping trip and involves the biggest ticket items, so do your research to get the right equipment:

Essential

  • Car restraint:

The car seat will be one of the most expensive items on your shopping list. It is best to buy new, as car seats have a life span with most not made to last more than 10 years.

  • To trim costs, consider a travel system with a capsule that clips onto a pram frame. It might also mean easy transfers from the car to the
  • Baby capsules can be hired as they are quickly outgrown.
  • Convertible models that change from rear-facing to forward-facing will last from birth to four years and will save you the expense of buying two seats.
  • Pram/Stroller:

The price tag on a pram can vary dramatically and there are many features and accessories on offer so set a budget and do lots of homework.

  • When will the pram primarily be used – exercising or leisure?
  • Check it is easy to fold and lift
  • Check it will fit in your car boot
  • Are you planning another baby quickly or expecting twins and require a double pram or added accessories such as a skateboard or toddler seat?
  • Is it important to have a reversible handle or interchangeable seat to grow and change with your baby?
  • Do you need a rain cover, sunshade, cup holder or storage?
  • Look for second-hand alternatives as many mums change their minds or opt for different transport options as their baby grows.

Optional

  • A nappy bag
  • Pram Liner
  • Baby carrier
  • Window shades

Luxury

  •  Trolley cover
  • Breastfeeding cover
  • Portable Cot

Sleep needs

Unfortunately, sleep isn’t for sale, but you can set up a safe and secure environment for your baby to encourage a bit of shut-eye.

 Essential

  • Cot:

A cot is often one of the most expensive and difficult decisions faced by parents-to-be. All new cots have to comply with Australian safety guidelines but if you’re on a budget, ensure a second-hand cot meets current standards. To save money consider a cot that converts into a toddler bed. But, sometimes spending money on quality will ensure it can be reused for future siblings.

  • Mattress:

There will be many (yes, many) spills and accidents and years of use so select a good quality mattress that snugly fits your cot and invests in a waterproof mattress protector.

  • Wraps

There is a huge market dedicated to wraps, swaddles and sleeping bags, but they may take some trial and error to see which suits your baby. A large muslin wrap and some practice swaddling will work just as well.

Optional

  • A bassinet, Moses basket, cradle, cozy sleeper or hammock is smaller, more portable than a cot and great for those early days.
  • A baby monitor – to save money consider a monitor that doubles as a nightlight for those late-night feeds.

Luxury

  •  Light and music display
  • White noise machine
  • Room thermometer
  • Quilts, fluffy blankets, and cot bumpers

Feeding essentials:

Breast

While breast milk is free there are some things you will need to make the experience easier:

  • Breast pads
  • Breast pump – consider hiring or buying a manual one

Bottle

Bottles and formula can cost a pretty penny and there are so many options. Ask for recommendations and trial a couple of brands. Even if you are certain you will breastfeed, you may need bottles for expressing.

  • Bottlebrush
  • Drying Rack

Optional

  • A feeding chair/glider
  • Nursing pillow
  • Burp Cloths
  • Formula dispenser
  • A high chair, food processor, and plastic cutlery can all wait a few months.

Luxury

  • Bottle warmer
  • Bottle sterilizer

Change time:

Essential

  • Nappies and wipes:

Cloth or disposable – you will need to stock up and be prepared to use lots of them!

  • Toiletries:

Babies don’t need lots of products on their delicate skin. But having some baby shampoo, moisturizer, and nappy rash cream ready to go, is a good idea.

Optional

  • Change table – a changing mat on top of a dresser might be a cheaper option.
  • Nappy bucket or nappy disposal bin
  • Baby bath – to save money use the sink or an adult bath with a bath support.

Luxury

  •  Wipes warmer
  • Nappy Stacker

Clothes

One of the best parts of preparing for a new baby is buying gorgeous teeny tiny outfits! But it is easy to go overboard and people will often gift lots of outfits.

Essential

  • At least six onesies get a mix of size 0000 and size 000 for an average-sized newborn (short-sleeved, long-sleeved, full length or a combination, depending on the season they’re due). These can double as day clothes and PJs.
  • Singlets or singlet suits
  • A jacket or cardigan
  • A hat (a sun hat for summer and a beanie for winter)
  • Socks (these can double as mittens)
  • Bibs

 Optional

  • Scratch mittens
  • Going out outfits

 Luxury

  • Shoes – super cute but not necessary

Sanity savers:

  • Baby thermometer
  • Grooming Kit
  • Baby proofing kit
  • A few rattles, teething toys, and books
  • A bouncer, swing or activity mat for play and tummy time.

Tip: If you’re having a baby shower, set up a baby registry. It isn’t offensive to ask for gifts that will be appreciated and well used.

Your newborn will not know if you purchased the most expensive nappy bag or put them in designer clothes. The most important thing your baby will ever need is your love and attention. Fortunately, that’s free!

Burnet Institute’s Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies is an important collabrative program designed to respond to the unfinished work of addressing the high rate of maternal and newborn deaths in Papua New Guinea.

When women in Australia ponder their pregnancy and the upcoming birth of their child to be, they often think of the joys (and sleepless nights) they’re likely to face. We’re lucky that it’s rare to ever hear of a mother dying in childbirth, and whilst some families do face the horrendous tragedy of stillbirth or newborn death, it’s thankfully uncommon. We’re so fortunate to have excellent prenatal care and ready access to quality and timely healthcare throughout pregnancy and birth. But this is not the case in Papua New Guinea (PNG) where the maternal mortality rate is one of the highest in the world.

PNG is our nearest neighbour and so it is astonishing that the risks facing mothers and their babies there is so profoundly different to those we face here, just a hundred or so kilometres away. Around 1,500 mothers lose their lives as a consequence of pregnancy or childbirth per year in PNG, and more than 5,000 babies die in their first month of life. This is a devastating reality for families in PNG.

The good news is that one of Australia’s leading medical research organisations, the Melbourne-based Burnet Institute is working hard to change this. The Burnet has been working in PNG for close to 20 years. The cornerstone of their work in PNG is Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies research program (HMHB), which is designed to help women and their babies have the best chance of surviving childbirth and give babies the best start possible to then thrive through childhood.

PNG is our nearest neighbour and so it is astonishing that the risks facing mothers and their babies there is so profoundly different to those we face here, just a hundred or so kilometres away.

There are many factors that contribute to PNG’s very high mortality rates, rugged geography and poor infrastructure, especially in rural and remote areas, can mean access to health care is very difficult. There can be a lack of understanding around the importance of antenatal care with many women attending clinics late in pregnancy or not at all. There can also be small but significant financial constraints on families, which add to the burden of travel or the cost of accessing care, or there could also be the lack of partner support, or a preference for traditional birthing practices within villages.

All these issues can be further complicated by the complexity surrounding common diseases that are often present such as malaria, undiagnosed sexually transmissible infections, tuberculosis as well as malnutrition and high levels of anaemia, all of which can contribute to poor maternal and newborn outcomes.

 

Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies is working towards a healthier PNG, focusing on improving outcomes for women and babies in order to save lives. It is a broad research program examining medical causes and behavioural risk factors for poor health, and also looking at social factors influencing health, the provision of health services, and how to encourage effective uptake of services.

Our team of researchers is working alongside local facilities and communities to better understand some of the difficult issues that contribute to poor health outcomes for women and babies in PNG. HMHB is aiming to identify what the main drivers are for poor maternal and newborn health, especially for babies being born too small. Babies born too small, either because they haven’t been able to grow adequately in pregnancy or because they’re born too soon, face a much higher risk of dying in childbirth or early infancy. For those babies who make it through, they face a higher risk of poor growth and development in childhood, often referred to as stunting.

Around 1,500 mothers lose their lives as a consequence of pregnancy or childbirth per year in PNG, and more than 5,000 babies die in their first month of life.

Burnet’s Senior Researcher, Dr Michelle Scoullar, has been working on the Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies program since 2014, and having lived and worked in Papua New Guinea, understands just how difficult it can be to improve a system that is so complex.

“There are many gaps in our understanding, but through our Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies program we are already identifying some of the key issues that are impacting on mothers and babies that can be targeted to improve their health,” Dr Scoullar says.

“As part of our first study, we have recruited 700 pregnant women in East New Britain Province and we’re following them from their first antenatal clinic visit, through to their labour, and then also seeing them and their baby at one month, six months and at 12 months.

“At each visit we’re taking a whole series of blood tests and swabs, and growth measurements to identify any issues such as infectious diseases, anaemia, nutritional deficiencies and stunting.”

Photo: Some of Burnet’s Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies research team including (right to left) Rose Suruka, Lucy Au and Elizabeth Walep together with Sr. Jacklyn Telo.

We’re also interviewing families and healthcare workers identifying barriers to families accessing available health care, and looking at ways to improve the quality of services currently provided, all factors that ultimately influence outcomes for mothers and babies.

One key issue that has arisen from our study is the significant lack of knowledge about family planning.

“Only one in four women interviewed as part of this study had used a modern method of contraception and we’ve found there is a huge demand for these methods of contraception but less than half of the demand is being met,” Dr Scoullar says.

“Supporting women and couples to plan for healthy timing and spacing of births is a cost-effective approach to reducing maternal and infant mortality and has proven benefits not just in preventing death, but also for gender equality, educational attainment and poverty reduction.”

“Were only part-way through the Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies program and very limited by funding, so any additional support from the Australian or Papua New Guinea community will help us make a huge difference to women and children in Papua New Guinea.”

Dr Michelle Scoullar is a paediatric doctor who is also completing her PhD as part of the Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies program.

For more information about the Burnet Institute and Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies or to make a donation go to burnet.edu.au or call (03) 9282 2111

 

Whether it’s your first, or your third (oh my!) a new bub on the way means big expenses – especially if you don’t have the luxury of hand-me-downs. Though we’re all in a flurry of expectation and organisation, it’s easy to spend up big on the credit card and forget about it later. So, what can be done about it?

Taking out a personal loan is one way to save money on getting everything set up for baby without breaking the bank – especially when the alternatives are so much more expensive.

Why a personal loan?

Why should you use a personal loan instead of what you already have? Because a personal loan will help you save on interest in contrast to “Buy Now, Pay Later” services and credit cards. BNPN services simply charge your credit card in four or more instalments – which also makes it harder to pay off in the 55-day interest free window. (This may depend on your credit card.) Also, you can compare your different personal loan products with a broker and get the best deal possible. Every repayment you make is equal and each month that goes by gets you closer to a zero balance – not the case with credit cards.

Use on baby’s needs

Did you know the average cost of giving birth in a private hospital is $8,500? We all want our baby to have the best chance in life and going private is one of those ways. Coming up with that amount of money isn’t easy in one fell swoop. You could use a personal loan to pay for these bills and rest easy.

Use to renovate or improve the home

Making your home childproof isn’t cheap – and making it accessible for when they grow up is a must too. Renovating your kitchen to provide more space, perhaps making your living area open plan, or upgrading bedrooms to ensure your baby has space to grow. Personal loans can give you the cash you need to achieve what you require.

Use it for new transport needs

Personal loans are also used to fund new cars to transport your growing family. The old two-seater or hatchback won’t be good for baby seats or when they grow out of them, so upgrading to a four-seater or SUV ensures your family has the transport it needs into the long-term.

Use it on household furniture or whitegoods

Babies need cots, bassinets, beds, disinfecting units – and that’s just for starters. Upgrading your household furniture or whitegoods – perhaps your unit-sized dishwasher just isn’t cutting it – will cost a lot. But it’s an investment in your family’s domestic future!

Use it for a much-needed holiday!

Once all is said and done, you may need to use a personal loan for a bit of a getaway! Exploring Australia or overseas can be within your reach by getting the money together with a personal loan, so you can give your family a trip they won’t soon forget.

Children tend to be more prone to some illnesses than adults because their bodies are still growing and adapting to their environment. Here are some common illnesses experienced by children in Australia, and their symptoms.

  1. Allergies

Allergies are experienced when a child’s immune system reacts to its environment; a foreign substance that does not cause a reaction in the rest of the population enters the body which leads to allergy symptoms. Common allergies include a reaction to peanuts, pollen, bee stings and pet hair.

Allergies are sustained because the immune system produces antibodies that mistake a particular substance as harmful even though it isn’t. The reactions can manifest themselves in inflammation of the skin, sinuses, airways and even the digestive system. Allergies range from mild to serious and can be caused by airborne allergens, certain foods or exposure to chemicals or insects.

Medical assessment is available to children to ascertain what they are allergic to and how best to treat symptoms. Antihistamines are helpful to relieve allergies.

  1. Asthma

When asthma occurs, the muscles in the body’s airways begin to tighten and its lining becomes swollen and inflamed in turn producing mucus. This clogs up the airways causing them to become narrow commonly inhibiting a child’s ability to breathe, and leading to shortness of breath, wheezing and tightness in the chest. This can be triggered by a range of different things such as exercise, the weather, allergy triggers or the common cold.

Asthma is one of the most common diseases for which children visit a doctor – around 1 in every 10 Australian children have asthma. While every child’s asthma is different, it can be managed and treated in a way which allows for a normal healthy life.

  1. Colds

Children can get colds more often than adults, as often as once a month. A cold is a mild infection and can be managed easily. It is generally a seasonal virus caused by the spread of germs in the air through coughs and sneezes. Colds usually affect the nose and throat – symptoms include a runny nose, sore throat, head or muscles aches, coughs and sneezing and even a raised temperature.

Children can have multiple colds per year contracting more colds than adults because they do not yet have the same strength of immunity. There is no cure so management of symptoms in the child provides relief – painkillers, saline drops and maintaining fluids.

  1. Conjunctivitis

This is an infection of the lining of the eyeball and eyelid. Symptoms include red, puffy and itchy eyes. This is sometimes accompanied by yellow sticky discharge. It can be bacterial or viral and occurs when the eye is irritated or as part of a cold.

Conjunctivitis is quite common, especially in children under 5 and can be contagious. Speaking to the child’s doctor is important if symptoms persist for antibiotic eye drops.

  1. Gastroenteritis (gastro)

Many children can contract gastro. Symptoms include diarrhoea, loss of appetite, vomiting and nausea, stomach cramps and fever. It generally lasts a few days and can be contagious, so it is important to keep up hygiene to prevent spreading the illness. It is caused by a virus or bacteria that causes infection inflaming the stomach and intestine walls causing the above symptoms. It is more severe in babies and children.

Gastro is not dangerous and does not necessitate use of medication, but it is important to manage a child’s symptoms – keeping fluids up on the regular to avoid dehydration and eating food even if they don’t feel like it.

  1. Nits

Head lice are small and wingless insects that live in children’s’ hair, feeding on blood in the scalp while nits are the eggs that they lay. The insects attach themselves to a child’s hair and skull to lay eggs, causing itching and scratching.

Lice cannot jump so spread usually occurs when children are in close contact – heads close together, sharing hats or using each other’s hairbrushes.

While lice do not carry any diseases, the itching sensation can be quite intense and bad cases can cause dermatitis, so they need to be removed; anti-lice products to kill the lice or wet-combing treatment to physically pull them out works.

  1. Warts

Warts are small flesh-coloured growth, usually on the arms, hands and legs. They are just harmless skin growths. They can spread to other children when there is skin to skin contact. Picking at a wart can cause more to pop up on the same child.

Half of all warts tend to disappear within two years. There is no need to treat them if they are not causing any problems, but there are ways to remove them if this is what is best for the individual child.

 

 

You can navigate the everyday challenges of motherhood with a little reassurance and advice from one mother to another. As celebrities share their secrets  behind closed doors, with advice on navigating everyday parenting struggles.

While celebrities may share the glamour and fortune of their Hollywood lifestyles, their parenting styles  differ vastly.  With more access than ever into the lives of celebs behind closed doors, we have gathered their best advice on how to tackle the everyday challenges, as well as the everyday rewards of motherhood. There’s no handbook for successful mothering, but from Chrissy Teigen‘s bath time hacks to Beyonce teaching by example, these mothers have a few tips and advice to make everyday a little easier for all.

Chrissy Teigen (35 yo)

Children: Luna Simone Stephens (5yo), Miles Theodore Stephens (3yo)

@chrissyteigen

Chrissy Teigen isn’t one to shy away from the spotlight. Her Twitter escapades in particular, have made her infamous for her controversial and unfiltered nature. However, it’s Chrissy’s relatable and transparent parenting, or as she likes to call it, “de-motivational” speaking that offers lasting impression and inspiration to mothers everywhere. 

A bath time trick shared by Chrissy offers help to eliminate the shock and trouble of cleaning up. Chrissy shared that gently wrapping your baby (swaddled to your chest) and lowering them into the water while you enter as well, will provide the comfort and eliminate the bath time struggle for both mum and bub.

Teigen also shared some of her everyday advice with  SheKnows stating,

It’s important for us to come together and understand that there’s no perfect way to do something, There’s a million different ways to raise a child, and that’s fine.”

 

Chrissy Twitter Share:

8:00 PM · Jun 27, 2018·Twitter for iPhone

“only I can understand my kid. she’s like “BDIDKDKODKDHJXUDHEJSLOSJDHDUSJMSOZUZUSJSIXOJ”  and I’m like “ok I will get you a piece of sausage in just a minute”

 

Reese Witherspoon (45 yo)

Children: Ava Elizabeth Philippe (22yo), Tennessee James Toth (9yo), Deacon Reese Philippe (17yo)

@reesewitherspoon

Reese Witherspoon knows there’s no such thing as perfection in motherhood, and all mothers can share in the reassurance that not even Hollywood’s leading ladies always know how to navigate the unknown.

She states, “No one’s really doing it perfectly. I think you love your kids with your whole heart, and you do the best you possibly can.”

Reese places emphasis on finding a strong support network stating, “I depend on the kindness and support of my mom friends…It’s really about your support system, your family structure.”

 

Beyonce (40 yo)

Children: Blue Ivy Carter (9yo), Rumi Carter (4yo), Sir Carter (4yo)

@beyonce

Fierce and bold, Beyonce utilises her distinctive persona in her everyday parenting practices. Offering some of the most powerful advice on parenting in the contemporary age she states,

I let my children know that they are never too young to contribute to changing the world. I never underestimate their thoughts and feelings, and I check in with them to understand how this is affecting them.”

Helping her children feel empowered to change the world and modelling that same behaviour herself.

 

Blake Lively (34 yo)

Children: James Reynolds (6yo), Inez Reynolds (5yo), Betty Reynolds (12 months)

@blakelively

One of Hollywood’s Golden Couples, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are renowned for their reasonably confidential parenting style.  Lively however, took to instagram to share advice on the importance of CPR for parents stating, “All mamas and daddies out there—I can’t recommend this enough. I took a CPR class with a focus on babies and toddlers, for those of you who haven’t done it, you will love it. It’s so helpful by giving you knowledge, tools, and some peace of mind.”

However, even when prepared, Lively knows to expect the unexpected. She states in an interview with The Los Angeles Times,

Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected. You never know when you’re gonna get crapped on or when you’re gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics.”

 

Angelina Jolie (46  yo)

Children: Maddox Chivan Jolie-Pitt (20yo) adopted in 2002, Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt (17yo) adopted 2007, Zahara Marley Jolie-Pitt (16yo) adopted 2005, Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt (15yo), Knox Léon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt (13yo)

@angelinajolie

Although no longer married,  Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were one of the most iconic Hollywood couples of the past two decades. Pitt and Jolie have six kids, three biological children and three who are adopted.

Jolie shares tips about parenting throughout the pandemic stating, “Like most parents, I focus on staying calm so my children don’t feel anxiety from me on top of all the worrying about.”

Jolie shares her worldly wisdom and advice as a reminder to mothers that even in the chaos of life, it’s the simple moments and time spent with your children that matter most. Stating,

Sometimes, when I want to take on the world, I try to remember that it’s just as important to sit down and ask my son how he’s feeling or talk to him about life.”

 

Dianne Keaton (75 yo)

Children: Dexter Keaton (26yo) adopted in 1996,  Duke Keaton (21yo) adopted in 2001

@diane_keaton

Motherhood comes in all different shapes, sizes and ages.  Dianne Keaton is just one example, at the age of 50 adopting her daughter Dexter, and five years later adopting her son Duke.

The now 75 year old, is renowned for her matriarch roles on the big screen, and that ripples into her everyday lifestyle. She states, “I had a career and I came to motherhood late and am not married and have never had such a trusting relationship with a man – and trust is where the real power of love comes from. A sense of freedom is something that, happily, comes with age and life experience.”

Motherhood has completely changed me. It’s just about like the most completely humbling experience that I’ve ever had. I think that it puts you in your place because it really forces you to address the issues that you claim to believe in and if you can’t stand up to those principles when you’re raising a child, forget it.”

Jlo (52 yo)

Children: Emme Maribel Muñiz (13yo), Maximilian David Muñiz (13yo)

@jlo

Multi-talented and determined mother of two, Jennifer Lopez shares on her socials it was her mother that ingrained in her the power of believing in yourself.  She took to instagram on Mothers Day stating, “It was my mom who instilled in us at a very young age that we could do anything. This was something that has really stayed with me. Being a mom is my greatest joy, and today I think about my mommy and all the moms out there. This is your day, and I hope you are surrounded by love, gratitude and appreciation… enjoy it!”

Jlo also knows that it’s experience that drives wisdom stating,

You cannot imagine what it’s like to be a mom until you are a mom. I used to give my friends who have kids advice all the time, and they would look at me like I had three heads. And then, when I had you two, the minute I had you two, I literally apologized to all my friends.”

 

Nicole Kidman (54 yo)

Children: Isabella Jane Cruise (28yo), Connor Cruise (26yo), Suri Cruise (15yo), Sunday Rose Kidman Urban (13yo)

@nicolekidman

Australian golden girl, Nicole Kidman knows that motherhood can be a struggle of instinct and experience.

She states,

My instinct is to protect my children from pain. But adversity is often the thing that gives us character and backbone. It’s always been a struggle for me to back off and let my children go through difficult experiences.”

In an interview with Vanity Fair, the 54-year-old states a rule that has made her “unpopular” with Sunday Rose, 10  and Faith Margaret, eight, “They don’t have a phone and I don’t allow them to have an Instagram,” she told the magazine. “I try to keep some sort of boundaries.”  Kidman also states she raises her children in a very religious household.

 

Kate Hudson (42 yo)

Children: Ryder Robinson (17 yo),Bingham Hawn Bellamy (10 yo), Rani Rose Hudson Fujikawa (2 yo) 

@katehudson

Following in her mothers footsteps, Kate Hudson rose to the big screen acting predominantly in rom-coms.  However, raised by the free-spirited Goldie Hawn, many are surprised by Kate’s motherhood method of discipline. 

In an interview with PEOPLE, she states,“Where I am strict is that there are certain rules that I put down. I don’t negotiate with my kids about certain things.” 

She states, “What I realised about that is that when you set that standard in your home, you don’t end up in long-winded negotiations. When I say no, it’s done.” Adding that she is “very, very strict about manners”.  For Kate there is no tolerance whatsoever for untruths. “I have no tolerance for lying,” she shares. “The tiny lies or the big ones.” 

And while Kate’s no nonsense approach might seem tough, that it doesn’t mean she doesn’t let her kids make mistakes. “When it comes to your feelings or emotions … I’m very open, I give my children a lot of space to make mistakes.” 

“Parenting shifts as your kids shift. The best thing for me has been throwing any kind of parenting manual out of the window.”

 

Kim Kardashian (41 yo)

Children: North West (8yo), Saint West (5yo), Chicago West (3yo), Psalm West (2yo)

@kimkardashian

American personality, socialite, model and businesswoman Kim Kardashian is not shy of the public eye. Sharing her family life on screen and now her family through her socials Kim’s open lifestyle includes sharing her greatest attributions of motherhood.

Kim’s breastfeeding hack offers mums a solution to sibling rivalry. When her son Saint was born, Kim explains her daughter North was extremely jealous explaining on the Ellen Degeneres show she would slip a milk box with straw into her bra for North whilst breastfeeding Saint.

The Keeping Up with the Kardashians star shares she relies and recommends on leaning on your family, stating she often turns to her four sisters for support.

“I have such unconditional love for my kids. No matter what, I will always love them and support them in anything they choose to do in life. My family was so close growing up; now that I’m a mom, I understand the bond my mom and dad felt with us,”

Anxious Mums author, Dr Jodi Richardson, offers advice for mothers and children experiencing anxiety.

One in four people will experience anxiety within their lifetime, making it the most prevalent mental health condition in Australia. Statistics determine it is twice as common in women, with one in three, compared with one in five men, diagnosed on average.

Having lived and studied anxiety, Dr Jodi Richardson  is an expert in her field, with more than 25 years of practice. In addition to her professional background, it was ultimately her personal experiences and journey in becoming a mother that shaped the work she is passionate about. 

Jodi’s books, Anxious Kids; How Children Can Turn Their Anxiety Into Resilience,  co-written with Michael Grose (2019), and her latest release, Anxious Mums; How Mums Can Turn Their Anxiety Into Strength (2020), offer parents, in particular mothers, advice on how to manage and minimalise anxiety, so they can maximise their potential, elevate their health and maintain their wellbeing.

The more I learned about anxiety, the more important it was to share what I was learning.”

Jodi’s first-hand experiences have inspired her work today, stating, “The more I learned about anxiety, the more important it was to share what I was learning.”

Jodi’s first signs of experiencing anxiety appeared at the early age of four. Her first symptoms began in prep, experiencing an upset stomach each day. Her class of 52 students, managed by two teachers, was stressful enough, on top of her everyday battles. Jodi recalls, “There was a lot of yelling and it wasn’t a very relaxing or peaceful environment, it obviously triggered anxiety in me, I have a genetic predisposition towards it, as it runs in my family.”

Twenty years later, the death of a family member triggered a major clinical depression for Jodi. She began seeking treatment however, it was in finding an amazing psychologist, that helped her to identify she was battling an underlying anxiety disorder. Jodi discloses, “It was recognised that I had undiagnosed anxiety. I didn’t really know that what I had experienced all my life up until that point had been any sort of disorder, that was just my temperament and personality.” 

After many years of seeing her psychologist, Jodi eventually weaned off her medication and managed her anxiety with exercise and meditation. Offering advice on finding the right psychologist Jodi states, “For me it was my third that was the right fit. I really encourage anyone if the psychologist you were referred to doesn’t feel like the right fit, then they’re not and it’s time to go back to your GP. Having the right professional that you’re talking to and having a good relationship with is really important for the therapeutic relationship.”

Jodi highlights the importance of prioritising mental wellbeing, affirming, “The more we can open up and talk about our journeys, the more we encourage other people to do the same and normalise the experience.”

Anxious Mums came into fruition after a mum in the audience of one of Jodi’s speaking engagements emailed Jodi’s publisher stating, “Jodi has to write a book, all mums have to hear what she has to say.”

Everyday efforts new mothers face, consign extra pressure on wellbeing and showcase the need to counteract anxiety before it subordinates everyday lifestyles. While Jodi’s children are now early adolescents, she reflects upon the early stages of new motherhood, “Ultimately when I became a mum with all the extra uncertainty and responsibility, as well as lack of sleep, my mental health really declined to a point where I ended up deciding to take medication, which was ultimately life changing.”

When I became a mum with all the extra uncertainty and responsibility, as well as lack of sleep, my mental health really declined to a point where I ended up deciding to take medication, which was ultimately life changing.”

New mothers experience heightened anxiety as they approach multiple challenges of parenthood; from conceiving, through the journey of pregnancy, birth and perpetually, thereafter. Becoming a mother provided Jodi with insight into new challenges, in particular struggles with breastfeeding and lack of sleep. She shares, “It’s something that we don’t have much control over, particularly as new parents. We just kind of get used to operating on a lot less sleep and it doesn’t serve us well in terms of our mental health, particularly if there have been challenges in the past or a pre-existing disorder.

Research suggests women’s brains process stress differently to men, with testosterone also said to be somewhat protective against anxiety. This, along with different coping mechanisms of women, highlight statistic disparity between gender. For early mothers in particular, it is a time of immense change, as their everyday lives are turned upside down. New schedules, accountability and hormonal changes increase the likelihood of anxiety and depression, which are also commonly triggered in the postpartum period.

Jodi elaborates on important hormonal timeframes that shift women’s mental wellbeing stating, “Anxiety is heightened during times of hormonal changes as well as in the key points in our reproductive lives. Through having children and menopause and alike. It’s more disabling in that it impacts our lives in different ways to men, particularly I think, because we’re usually the main carers. There are stay at home dads, but predominantly that’s what women tend to do.”

Normal anxiety is infrequent and settles down, but when someone suffers a disorder, they can have incessant worry and avoidance. This can include anxiety around not wanting to participate, attend a function, for example, try something new or step up in a work role. Anxiety disorders can be crippling, leaving sufferers feeling as though they are unable to live their best life.

There’s no harm in going and asking the question because the gap between the first symptoms of anxiety and seeking help is still eight years in Australia.”

There are many telling physical signs and symptoms of an anxiety disorder. Some indicative signs to look out for include a racing heart, trembling, sick stomach, frequent perspiration and dizziness that accompanies shortness of breath. Jodi says, “If you think that your anxiety might be a problem, that’s absolutely the time to go and make an appointment to see your GP. There’s no harm in going and asking the question because the gap between the first symptoms of anxiety and seeking help is still eight years in Australia.”

“Half of all mental illness comes on by around the ages of fourteen. Most adults who have anxiety can track it back to when they were teenagers or children.”

Just as anxiety is common for mothers, it’s also important to observe and be aware of in children. Jodi reveals, “For parents it’s important to know that half of all mental illness comes on by around the age of fourteen. Most adults who have anxiety can track it back to when they were teenagers or children. 75 percent of all mental illness comes on by about the age of 25, with one in seven children [4-17 years old] being diagnosed with a mental illness, and half of those have anxiety.”

“75 percent of all mental illness comes on by about the age of 25, with one in seven children [4-17 years old] being diagnosed with a mental illness, and half of those have anxiety

These pre-covid statistics highlight significant numbers of anxiety in adolescents. However, with the current climate prevalent of immense loss of control, many are facing new heightened emotions and increased numbers of anxiety. Early research coming out of Monash University is showcasing significant growth of adults with depression and anxiety, including statistics of children in the early ages of one to five experiencing symptoms.

Similar research has given light to evidence portraying children mirroring stress responses of their parents. Jodi further explains, “They can pick up the changes in our own heart rate, in our stress response — we are told that as new mums aren’t we, that our babies can pick up on how we are feeling but the science proves that to be true as well.” Parenting is a consequential way in which children receive cognitive biases and behaviours, “Just the tone of our voice, the expressions on our face, the way that we speak, what we say, certainly can be picked up on by kids and mirrored back.”

Noticing these early signs in your children is essential to alleviating anxiety before it progresses, Jodi lists some signs to be aware of, “Avoidance is a hallmark sign of anxiety — I don’t want to go, I don’t want to participate, I don’t want to deliver that oral presentation in class, I don’t want to go to camp and so watching out for that sort of thing. Other signs and symptoms to look out for include big emotions. If your children seem more teary or angry than usual, are feeling worried or avoidant, can’t concentrate, having trouble remembering or difficulty sleeping.” It’s important to be aware and help counteract anxiety when you see it. 

Jodi offers parents, who are struggling coping with their children’s anxiety some advice stating, “It’s an age old question, how much do we push and when do we hold back; I think as parents we are constantly answering that question. We don’t always get it right, but the thing about avoidance is it only makes anxiety worse. So for the child who is anxious about going to school, the more they stay home, the harder it will be to front up on another day. Sometimes, we need to nudge them forward in small steps and that’s a technique called step-laddering. It’s about making a step in that direction.”

Jodi encourages parents to observe their children’s symptoms and to never feel ashamed to go see a GP.  She urges, “Sometimes we get that reassurance from a GP, it might just be developmental, but the sooner kids are getting the help they need, the better, and it’s the same for us as mums.”

There are simple everyday steps we can take to combat anxiety. When someone is anxious a threat has been detected within the brain, this part of the brain is called the amygdala, one of the most powerful strategies for managing this stress detection is regulant meditation. 

Jodi explains, “What meditation does is it brings our attention to the present, so we are paying attention to what’s happening in the moment.” Meditation recognises deliberate breathing with a focus equally on exhalation as inhalation, proven to be calming to the anxious brain, using the relaxation response. 

Commending the importance of the practice and its effect on functioning, Jodi describes, “Meditation is more that sort of seated and formal practice of focusing the breath. What we know this will do over time, is it reduces the size and sensitivity of the amygdala, so it’s less sensitive to threat which reduces long-term anxiety. For the average person, our minds wander around 50 percent of the time, when we can bring our attention back to the present we are much more likely to be able to settle our anxiety, and feel happier as well.”

Another everyday strategy for combatting anxiety is exercise. Jodi shares her experience and routine stating, “Exercise is something I’ve used my whole life to calm my anxiety. Even now, I do cross-fit, karate and walks every week. I think naturally I was managing my health and wellbeing without really understanding why, I just knew that it made me feel good.”

The fight or flight response tied to anxiety powers us up to fight physically to save our lives or to flee. So often, when someone is anxious, they are powered up in this way, but not doing anything about it. Jodi shares, “When we move, it’s the natural end to the fight or flight response. Not only that, when we exercise we release serotonin, which is a feel good neural transmitter, among with gamma aminobutyric acid, a neural transmitter that puts the breaks on our anxiety response helping to calm us down.” 

Jodi’s practice in physiology, working with clients using exercise to help them with their mental and physical health has led her to her understandings, “One of the things I can 100 percent tell you is that it’s best not to wait until you feel motivated — the motivation will come once you get into the routine of it.

Dr Jodi Richardson, anxiety & wellbeing speaker, bestselling author & consultant

I’d just like to say, anxiety isn’t something we need to get rid of to really be able to thrive, to do what we need to do and accomplish what’s important to us. But I really encourage to anyone, that there are lots of ways to dial it back. I think it’s very easy for us to wait until we feel 100 percent to do something, but doing anything meaningful is hard.

So don’t wait until your anxiety is gone because you might be waiting a long time.”

 

 

 

 

Anxious Kids Penguin Books Australia, Author: Michael Grose, Dr Jodi Richardson RRP: $34.99 Anxious Mums Penguin Books Australia , Author: Dr Jodi Richardson  RRP: $34.99

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs help now, call triple zero (000)

Lifeline:  Provides 24-hour crisis counselling, support groups and suicide prevention services. Call 13 11 14, text on 0477 13 11 14 (12pm to midnight AEST) or chat online.

Beyond Blue: Aims to increase awareness of depression and anxiety and reduce stigma. Call 1300 22 4636, 24 hours/7 days a week, chat online or email.

Kids Helpline: : Is Australia’s only free 24/7 confidential and private counselling service specifically for children and young people aged 5 – 25. Call 1800 55 1800

To learn more about Dr Jodi Richardson’s work, watch the full interview below or on our YouTube channel.

 

 

It’s tropical season and coming into the summer months is the best time to look at new fruits to introduce into your diet. These are the most popular fruits of this season and their well-documented benefits for children.

PINEAPPLE

It’s November and pineapples are finally in season! To tell if they are ripe, sniff the stem and if it smells sweet, it is the one! Pineapples are rich in Vitamin C, B-6 and magnesium. Since they have a high content of Vitamin C, they are an essential tropical fruit that will help boost your baby’s immune health and help their body absorb iron from other foods.

If you are introducing pineapple to your child’s diet for the first time, try it in small doses to see how their system reacts. Pineapples can be introduced to your baby’s diet from six months old. They work well as a basic mash or even a puree, added to yoghurt or cereal.

Pineapple has been known to:

  • Improve hydration. Pineapples have 85 grams of water per 100 grams. This high level of water content not only makes pineapple a juicy fruit but helps to fight dehydration.
  • Regulate bowel movement. Pineapple also contains a good amount of fibre to help support healthy bowels and keep constipation at bay.
  • Help support a healthy heart. Pineapples contain bromelain, enzymes that have cardioprotective benefits when consumed regularly. Bromelain also has analgesic properties that can help relieve pain or control inflammation.

field of pineapples

MANGO

Talking tropical fruits that are in season, mangoes are one of the best fun fruits your child can consume! Named ‘king of fruits’, the mango is recognised as the most popular fruit in the world. When picking the best mango, squeeze them lightly to judge ripeness rather than looking by colour. If they give a little, they will be a good pick.

They are a good texture for babies. Good for babies who might be teething, as they can be frozen and soothe sore gums. As mangoes are full of fibre and digestive enzymes, they will help break down foods and prevent constipation.

There are various benefits for introducing mangoes into your child’s diet.  These include:

  • Promoting good health. Mangoes contain colourful phytonutrients, compounds that help maintain good health. Their high levels of fibre also promote a healthy gut.
  • Improving eyesight. Due to a high level of vitamin A, mangoes help foster good vision as this nutrient prevents multiple eye related issues.
  • Great skin. Vitamins A and C present in mangoes have been shown to improve complexion and moisturise the skin.
  • Improving memory. Glutamine acid is present in mangoes, an amino acid that assists in brain development and proper functioning.

mangoes and mango smoothie

PAPAYA

Papayas are often thought of as an exotic or rare fruit but have been used for centuries, particularly to treat worm infections. You will find them next to mangoes and pineapples when in season.  Papayas should be introduced in small amounts when your child is around seven to eight months old. Caution should be taken when introducing papaya if your child is prone to allergies, so ensure to watch for side effects such as irritations or stomach aches.

There are different benefits associated with papayas, including:

  • Healing properties. Due to a high content of vitamin A, papaya pulp offers medicinal properties that may reduce the visibility and burning sensation of skin sores and rashes.
  • Preventing macular degeneration. Papayas contain zeaxanthin, a carotenoid which helps protect the eyes from light-induced damage and oxidation. This can help to combat the harsh blue light rays that emanate from devices.
  • Preventing allergies. Papayas contain a high level of papain, a proteolytic enzyme which can help reduce pain and swelling, and boost overall health.

papayas and pomegranates

AVOCADO

Since smashed avo has become a trend, avocados have been at the forefront of the fruit and veg section. This is a trend you might want to buy into, because the nutritional value of the Hass is worth introducing to your child’s diet. Avocados are easy to prepare, making a good guacamole or addition to a salad and will ripen quickly in the fruit bowl.

woman with open avocado

There are various benefits for including avocado in your child’s diet, and it makes a great first food due to its texture and versatility.  Some other benefits of avocados include:

PASSIONFRUIT

Passionfruit is a healthy option for babies when ripe. It is a good alternative to unhealthier desserts as it is still sweet and tart and goes well in yoghurts or smoothies. They also hold a low GI value, meaning they will not cause a steep increase in blood sugar after eating.

There are several benefits of including this tropical fruit in your diet.  The most notable include:

  • Good bone health. Due to a high level of minerals such as iron, magnesium, copper and phosphorus, eating passion fruits may improve bone strength and density. A high content of iron also helps prevent Anaemia.
  • Supporting the immune system. Passion fruits are rich in antioxidants such as carotenoids and cryptoxanthin and vitamins A and C. The seeds in particular contain lots of these antioxidants which can promote positive heart health.
  • Anti-carcinogenic properties. The antioxidants present in passion fruits help to eliminate free radicals, which mutate the DNA of healthy cells into cancerous cells.
  • Reducing anxiety and stress. High levels of magnesium present in passion fruits have been shown to minimise triggers of anxiety and stress.

passion fruits

Parents are trying a new type of weaning that skips the purees and lets your baby dive right into solid finger foods.

Weaning is when you start to slowly introduce your baby to solid foods or anything other than breast milk. Usually, most parents will choose to do this with purees and soft mashed food. However, some evidence suggests there are benefits to letting your baby move straight to little bite-sized pieces of appropriate food that they will pick up and feed themselves.

It is thought that this style of weaning could have an array of benefits, including aiding their motor skills, reducing the risk of developing allergies and allowing your baby to learn what their internal hunger cues are.

Weaning can be a complicated process for parents, as your protective instincts may make you concerned about choking or mistakes. But weaning is also a phase in your babies’ development that can be fun and exciting for you and them.

A baby around six months old eating a broccoli floret by themselves with their hands, a great example of baby led weaning.

You can start by cutting up foods into small bite-sized portions – but make sure the pieces are large enough for your baby to hold themselves easily. Ideal foods are sweet potato, banana, mango, broccoli florets and avocado. All these different colours and flavours will be mentally stimulating for your baby, as well as being good for their gut healthvitamin intake and motor development skills.

In addition, this may encourage your baby to participate in family mealtimes than the spoon-fed method. Just be prepared for slightly more mess.

Next, place the food on a mat or plate directly in front of your bay and let them choose what they want to try. Try to avoid the urge to take things out of their mouth if they seem not to enjoy them. Instead, encourage them to spit it out by sticking out your tongue dramatically.

in bite sized pieces, a slice of broccoli, carrot, kiwi, pear, egg, bread and avocado are lined up next to one another in a perfect example of what's appropriate for baby-led weaning.

Your baby will also learn to enjoy different flavours and textures at an early age, which will discourage food aversions later on.

The WHO recommends beginning weaning at around six months of age. However, some parents may find their babies ready to do wean as early as four months.

As a general rule, when considering if you should start weaning you should look for all the following milestones:

  • Your baby can sit upright themselves without being supported.
  • They are able to hold up and support their own head.
  • They are easily able to pick up objects and bring it to their own mouth.
  • Your baby is displaying an interest in solid food and seems to lean toward it our mouth for it.
  • Your baby is around the six month old mark.

a pair of small baby hands from an aerial view picking up small peices of banana, celery and pasta for themselves.

Your baby may cough, gag or spit out their food dramatically, but this is actually a sign of them developing oral-motor movement and a gag reflex actually prevents your baby from choking.

Your baby may also think its very fun to simply pick up the food and play with it or squish it. Remember, this is all new to them and everything is a learning process – including play and familiarising themselves with strange new things.

 

Parental bonding affects mental, physical, intellectual, social and emotional development and influences how well a child does in later life.

By responding to a baby with love, warmth and care, parents become a trusted person in that baby’s life. The bond that is created is not based on the quality of parental love or care but on nonverbal communication between a parent and newborn.

The bond between a parent and a newborn is based on nonverbal communication.

The first few days of a baby’s life are the perfect time for bonding to take place. A baby is innately wired to initiate bonding relationships at this time. Crying, cooing and making noises, smiling, searching for the breast, and seeking eye contact are cues to which a parent can respond.

A baby’s brain development, as well as their social, emotional, and cognitive development, depends on a loving bond with a parent or primary caregiver.

A baby’s brain development, as well as their social, emotional, and cognitive development, depends on a loving bond with a parent or primary caregiver. Studies have shown that parental inconsistency and a lack of bonding can lead to long-term mental health problems and reduced overall happiness.

When a parent responds consistently to a baby’s needs, it nurtures a growing child’s ability to express a full range of emotions.

It is a myth that responding quickly to a crying baby by holding and nursing them will result in spoilt baby.

It is a myth that responding quickly to a crying baby by holding and nursing them will result in spoilt baby. Babies that are held and comforted during the first six months of life tend to be more secure, confident toddlers and older children.

A poor parent-child bond can result in limited social, coping and problem-solving skills, tantrums, clinginess, being withdrawn, or aggressive behaviours. The negative effects of insecure bonding often impact a child throughout their developmental years.

Bonding promotes confidence, enables a baby to tolerate separation from their parents, and eventually helps infants learn how to soothe themselves which results in less crying and fussiness.

The parent-child bond is strengthened through this attachment and the life-long emotional connection that is established helps a child develop independence.

Research has shown that secure bonds developed in childhood produces adults that enjoy stable, satisfying ties with their intimate partners and are better at resolving relationship conflicts.

Like mothers, dads need to bond with their babies, too. So do siblings.

Like mothers, dads need to bond with their babies, too. So do siblings. All members of the family should take some quiet time to hold the baby, gaze into their eyes, talk to them and comfort them when they are distressed.

It’s important that dads bond with their newborn, too.

Some ideas that can assist with bonding include:

  • Regularly touching and cuddling the newborn. By cuddling a baby on the left side of the chest they can hear their parent’s heartbeat, making them feel secure.
  • Gently stroking the newborn during bath time or nappy changes.
  • Responding to crying to let a baby know that a parent is always there.
  • Rocking or holding the newborn, skin on skin, or carrying them in a carrier or sling to keep them close.
  • Wrapping the baby to simulate the security they felt in the womb.
  • Talking to the baby in soothing, reassuring tones which helps them recognise the sound of a parent’s voice. When talking to a newborn, look into their eyes and make facial expressions so they can connect words with feelings.
  • Singing to the newborn or playing soothing music.

Some parents bond more easily with their baby than others. It’s okay for a parent to not feel an instant connection with their newborn.

Studies have shown that about 20% of new mums and dads feel no real emotional connection to their newborn in the hours after delivery.

Studies have shown that about 20% of new mums and dads feel no real emotional connection to their newborn in the hours after delivery. Bonding can be especially difficult if a mother has had a caesarean section, or the baby was born prematurely and spent time in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).

Sometimes the connection between parent and child can take weeks or months to develop, so parents shouldn’t feel guilty or anxious about not beginning the bonding process immediately.

It can take time – sometimes weeks or months – for the bond between parent and newborn to develop.

An overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, or depressed parent may not be aware of the positive emotional interaction that a baby needs to bond. Parents should do the best they can to engage in self-care and deal with negative emotions, so they are better equipped to bond with their child.

It’s important to remember that given the speed at which a baby’s brain develops, it is possible to repair the parent-child bond.

Parents are not perfect. No one can be fully present and attentive to their child’s needs 24 hours a day. It’s important to remember that given the speed at which a baby’s brain develops, it is possible to repair the parent-child bond by figuring out what the baby needs and attending to it.

By doing this, parents can re-establish the bonding process and may even strengthen the bond between themselves and their baby.

These suggestions may help to encourage the bonding process:

  • Take the time to enjoy being with a newborn by simply cuddling, singing, or reading aloud to them.
  • Consider things from the baby’s perspective. Imagine what they are looking at, feeling, or trying to do.
  • When it comes to eating, sleeping, and playing be flexible and respond to the baby as they need. Most newborns don’t have a fixed day/night routine.

Rachel, a 46-year-old single mum of three, offers intimate insight into the highs and lows of dating after 20 years of marriage.

After divorcing her husband of 20 years, Rachel decided to adventure into the chaotic and thrilling world of dating, looking to meet someone to enjoy her time with. Sparing no details, she shares her experiences of finding a new partner, giving us the nitty-gritty of dating as a single mum.

Will I have time to go out and meet new people? How will I find someone that accepts me and my kids? Am I still attractive as a single parent? Can I dare show my body after having children? How will I know if it’s safe to bring a new partner into my children’s lives?

With three children to consider, Rachel felt swamped with concerns about how she would manage dating again.

According to 2021 statistics, a whopping one million families (14.2%) are single parent families, with single mothers comprising 79.3%. With a million single parents nationwide, there are a lot Aussies who may be thinking of braving the dating scene.

Rachel found that at this stage in her life, most of her friends were in long-term relationships, making it difficult to meet a huge pool of single people offline. She notes, “I couldn’t take any risks with my family and I didn’t know any single people – I couldn’t go out a lot, because of the kids.”

People are increasingly turning to online platforms to meet new people. While myths and stigma surround online dating, Rachel became curious and created a profile, hoping to gain her own experience of virtual connection.

She began exploring the free platforms, talking to people throughout the busyness of her days at work and with her children. To Rachel, the online dating world became “a minefield – a whole new area that I had to navigate.”

Being concrete in her search, she quickly moved onto paid platforms, hoping that people willing to financially invest in dating would be more serious.

On the free sites, she described meaningless, shallow conversations and people seeking quick thrills and gratification.

 

It was empowering to know that if they weren’t right for me, I had the confidence not to just clutch onto anybody. I had the power to decide whether I wanted to pursue anything.

As well as time, low self-esteem and confidence were influential in her decision to remain online. Rachel reflects on these feelings:

“Because I had such low self-esteem and confidence, it almost felt like a safe way of moving forward – you could hide behind the computer, you weren’t rocking up to a bar where somebody could see all of you. Part of me thought if I can be witty and funny, perhaps into the future they might see past my body.”

These concerns prompted her honesty, “I purposely chose a very real profile picture because I didn’t want to put myself in a position where I met up with someone and wasn’t good enough.”

Rachel recalls tumbling into a stage of over-purchasing high heels, body brushing and living on steamed fish as ways of coping with this newfound pressure.

She shares, “I was really enjoying the thrill of it, but as soon as I had to go and meet them, I began to over-analyse all of my imperfections. I was so insecure with my body image and baggage from my previous relationship. I felt I was ready to date, but I doubted I’d have anything exciting or interesting to say and I thought no one would find me attractive.”

After a spanning diversity of dates, from getting terribly sunburnt with a personal trainer at the beach to an intimate dinner with a much older man, Rachel felt her confidence build.

“It was empowering to know that if they weren’t right for me, I had the confidence not to clutch onto anybody. I had the power to decide whether I wanted to pursue anything.”

She reflects on her date with Johnathon, who she was initially very interested in:

“He was funny and really cheeky. I hadn’t put a height restriction on the dating app…when we finally met, he was so tiny! He was smaller than me. I tried to think openly and out of the box, I didn’t want to be shallow – just go with it.

We went to a Japanese restaurant and then later to a bar. I wasn’t attracted to him in the slightest, but I made myself kiss him, just to see if I could spark anything. I got in my car and felt totally deflated. All the way home he kept texting me saying that he wanted to see me again, but I knew I didn’t want to. He was very full on and I just had to tell him that he wasn’t right for me.”

Go with it, it might not be what you’re expecting, but who knows where you’re going to go. It’s like an adventure.

It wasn’t until she met her current partner, Dan, that Rachel found all the qualities she had been looking for. Many hours of cocktails and good conversation sparked the beginning of their relationship.

“I though fuck it, expectation is a bitch – why say, oh I only want a six-foot man with a gorgeous body? Go with it, it might not be what you’re expecting, but who knows where you’re going to go. It’s like an adventure.”

Finding out that Dan also had three kids at home meant navigating both of their children’s acceptance of a new partner.

Ultimately, there are genuine people out there who want the same thing as you.

Rachel explains that the process was gradual and expresses the importance of not placing any pressure on her children to meet her new partner until they felt ready. The same approach was used when being welcomed into Dan’s family home:

“When I met the kids, I was introduced as a friend and then gradually over time, when everyone felt comfortable with me being there, Dan told them I was his girlfriend.”

Whilst building a new relationship with children is complex, Rachel concludes that, “If you’re with the right person and they want a relationship then they are going to understand the intricacies of family life and accept that it takes as long as it takes to allow somebody to come into your home.”

Four years later, Rachel and Dan are in a thriving, vibrant relationship and have become a positive part of both their children’s lives. Despite the anxieties and doubts of stepping back into dating after a long marriage, Rachel looks back and laughs at her huge collection of high heels, dreadful sunburn, and diverse dating experiences, glad that she had the courage to dive back in and go for it.

“You’ve got to do something different to get something different and ultimately, there are genuine people out there who want the same thing as you.”